Lets say you found the so called right person in your life- and wanted to go ahead and marry them.If your parents didnt approve- who would you choose?
Would you marry the guy/girl or leave them and make your parents happy?
parents -- of course first will try to convince them but if still doesn't workout then parents win...
Parents wins everytime, what gurantee do you have that the person will be perfect with you.
Also depends on the parents reasons and how much they dissaprove, if its something dumb like caste or nationality than its worth arguing it out. If its some serious reservation based on the persons character or background or even religon then maybe its not worth it.
Saying that though Ive noticed parents kick up such a huge fuss when a person decides to marry their own choice (usually over small issues anyway), forcing them to elope or whatever and cutting of all contact. But then after a little while they come around, and become really close with their new son/daughter in law. Makes you wonder why they bothered in the first place.
Also in this kind of situation people should pray ishtikarah.
Just noticed your reply in another thread
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*Originally posted by Muslim_Queen: *
It's up to you, but personally I find that I wouldnt do something like that.Fact is I havent.
Sometimes parents just dont agree with you- no matter how hard you try to convince them.Our parents do so much for us- I wouldnt marry somebody who my parents werent happy with.
The happiness of my family is important, and I doubt I would really be happy if I married somebody who they didnt approve of.
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So its all hypothetical then hey. :)
go with the parents..
if its meant to be, it'll happen sooner or later... be patient
Re: Would you choose him or your parents?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Muslim_Queen: *
Lets say you found the so called right person in your life- and wanted to go ahead and marry them.If your parents didnt approve- who would you choose?
Would you marry the guy/girl or leave them and make your parents happy?
[/QUOTE]
There are ways to get yourp parents to come around...use family/friends to intervene...
I would say parents.
However, parents can make mistakes, and they can be unreasonable. Talk to them in a respectful way and don't make rushed decisions. Ask them what they don't like (if it's simply like, "his family is from the wrong place" then you might have to push them a little).
In the end, parents are more important and you don't want to endanger your relationship with them. That doesn't mean that you cannot challenge and disagree with them. If he's a good choice and a good person, then inshAllah they will come around.
Parents.
I would want my kids to do the same, and so it would be hypocritical for me to do differently.
thanks guys, appreciate it.
M---- yeah true.I mean how would we know that a certain person can give us that happiness or life we want.parents are people we know and care about us, we can trust them.But maybe we like the safety.But yeah Im also all for parents. I mean part of my happiness will come from making my parents happy.
sadzz--- agreed.People wonder about regrets.I however think that if you choose family (those we've known all our lives) its always a safer bet.And there are rarely regrets in making happy those we love.
amelie--- Im not so sure.Parents arent always so easy to bring around.It all depends I suppose.Sometimes they do make up their minds based on silly reasons- but still...its all kinda hard.
Sahar--- well the first reasonable step would be talking to them haina? But well there are some very stubborn parents out there too.Bottom line is I think those people who leave their families for that one person arent very wise.I mean if somebody leaves his/her parents - how much can you trust them to stay with you.
maddy--- sure.But perhaps we can also try to be open minded.I mean parents shouldnt disagree for not good reason haina?
^ yeap, if the parents have a good reason for saying no, i would definately go with them. But if the decision is based on status, money, and all that other jargon that holds no value to u, then i will try convincing them but if it still doesnt work out.... stick with the parents
The person you choose.
Parents you don;t have a choice in. It is your misfortune. But you have chosen someone,and someone has chosen you. That is the risk that someone else is taking as well.
Parents, I would say.The feelings one feel for other person could be wrong, one can be going through some emotional downhill and in that time can fall for any sympethatic support from any individual, and can misjudge him/her as a right person. There also can be other reasons like harmonic activity or emotional isolation which tends to the judgment that that particular person is the right one!
^ umm u can like a person without having all those symptoms
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by mAd_ScIeNtIsT: *
Parents.
I would want my kids to do the same, and so it would be hypocritical for me to do differently.
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But this cannot garuntee that your kids would do the same...
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Matsui: *
The person you choose.
Parents you don;t have a choice in. It is your misfortune. But you have chosen someone,and someone has chosen you. That is the risk that someone else is taking as well.
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I wonder if we not only choose our parents because we care so much- but also because we're afraid of taking risks.I mean choosing somebody over parents is rather risky. I guess to leave parents , you would have to care about the other person an awful lot- and your parents reasons for being against it would have to be really ridiculous.
Kamran--- well yes it could be true.But lets say you get to know the other person over a few years.What then?
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*Originally posted by Muslim_Queen: *
...
Kamran--- well yes it could be true.But lets say you get to know the other person over a few years.What then?
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few years but not 24/7 since you were born? One might see this other person daily for a prolong period of time but not living with that person!! Any one can easily be mislead about habbits and attitude. The best thing would be think ahead an in future, like maddy said, what you expect your kids to do in such situation??
^ so ur saying u would reject a person you have spent years with, but not 24/7 and marry a person of ur parents choice who uve never spoken a word to?
ur reasoning for choosing the parents is sorta obsecure
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sadzzz: *
^ so ur saying u would reject a person you have spent years with, but not 24/7 and marry a person of ur parents choice who uve never spoken a word to?
ur reasoning for choosing the parents is sorta obsecure
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my reasoning is not about leaving that person, but if you have to make a decision between that particular person and your parents then I would go with the parents.
Because leaving parents it just not one thing, its a whole package comes with breaking links with the whole family, God knows if in future somethins bad happens where would you go??
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Kamran-Khan: *
few years but not 24/7 since you were born? One might see this other person daily for a prolong period of time but not living with that person!! Any one can easily be mislead about habbits and attitude. The best thing would be think ahead an in future, like maddy said, what you expect your kids to do in such situation??
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But Kamran lets say you've known them for 5 or 6 years? Sure you havent lived with them- but you would in the future haina?
sure, going with the parents is fine. But all i was saying is that, when you've spent that much time with a person, surely you must have some idea what they're like...