This is an off-shoot from Munirah’s thread in this Forum, titled, “Pakistani weddings”. It is directed for Gupshup gals who may visit this Forum, in the hopes some will provide their honest answers.
Let’s say you were offered a rishta from a family - let’s say the guy is extremely familiar with Pakistani culture (since he happened to be born into it); he converses in, and writes, Urdu fluently; due to a good parental upbringing (and influence of grandparents as well), he has imbibed many good values - respectful towards his elders, polite, humble, not arrogant, etc etc. He’s a sincere Muslim, doesn’t flaunt it but his religion is the most dear thing to him.
So far so good? Let’s say that, his father was posted in Pakistan due to some sort of career requirement, but the family is not Pakistani. The family is Muslim African. They speak Urdu fluently as i stated, and due to their long years spent in Pakistan, they are as at ease in comprehending the norms and customs of Pakistani culture as you are.
You respect the guy and vice versa. Now - question: Would you accept the rishta ? i am ONLY looking for honest answers, and would request the Moderator(s) to please remove any posts that insult someone else’s reply. No right or wrong answers here; reason for posting this is because i read Munirah’s thread and started wondering about some issues that were spin-offs from her comments. Just looking for some honest answers, that’s all.
A bit late for me to be thinking about such stuff. :)
Hey, you missed an important issue. Is he a good-looking African or a not-so-good-looking African? I mean, there are all kinds. :)
Point being, if a dude is good-looking (African or not), and is mighty familiar with Pakistani culture, then its more palatable to most people, than a charcoal-ki-tarha kaala suwah African. Some binafide Pakistanis also have curly hair and brown complexion. Just that thing probably shouldn't be the deciding factor.
Thanks, Suroor_CA, for replying. oops i forgot to mention - yes, let’s suppose your parents have nothing against the rishta. They have known this family for years (this is a hypothetical scenario).
So you would accept it? Thanks for answering honestly, reason for putting this up is Munirah’s thread got me thinking about how much emphasis we (as in Pakistanis) place upon the colour of a human being. Thanks for replying so quickly, i appreciate it.
**Point being, if a dude is good-looking (African or not), and is mighty familiar with Pakistani culture, then its more palatable to most people, than a charcoal-ki-tarha kaala suwah African. Some binafide Pakistanis also have curly hair and brown complexion. Just that thing probably shouldn't be the deciding factor. **
Faisal Bhai, What if he is damn good looking and dark-as-charcoal as well?
**A bit late for me to be thinking about such stuff. :) **
lolz. Yes, perhaps it is....:~D
OK, i am losing my mind - i forgot to mention another thing - he has a very very very dark skin colour as well. Now, gals - would you accept the rishta?
Hmmm…kya baat hay Nadia? is it time to be giving mubarakayn? :biggrin:
Hmmm…
When I was in school in Pakistan we had some families like that, one was African Muslim, settled in Pakistan, spoke urdu and everything. We had one Singaporean family, and one Iranian and two Eyptian families too. Same with them, settled in Pakistan, spoke the language etc etc.
i personally wouldnt…and the color is not an issue at all…
but for u i think it reallyyyyyy depends on your situation and what you are looking fwd to in your married life and how u view ur future…I don’t think you should let other ppl’s opinions affect you too much in this matter as you have a unique perspective on this issue since you know the person personally and only know how you envision your future…so you should talk to ppl who know u personally abt this rather than letting guppy girls’ opinions affect ur decision since they wont know u n ur situation 100%… and their outlook towards life and vision for the future might be different from urs…u get me na?
hahhaha.. Irem Nahin, mubarakayn ka abhi waqt nahin aya hai. Agar woh waqt aye ga, tau main tumko zaroor bata doon gi. This is a hypothetical scenario - a purely imagined example i gave, a spin-off from Munirah’s thread in this Forum. lol laughed my head off when i read your post.
You stated that the color is not an issue at all… Do you mind if i ask, in that case, why did you say you wouldn’t still accept the rishta ? Say that he is veryyyyy comfortable in Pakistani culture, just as comfortable as you and your Pakistani friends are. He was born in it, he breathed it, he lives it.
Your statements regarding ‘do what you think is best, ask those who know you personally’ - is extremely sound advice :k: Thank you yaar. The reason i put it in this Forum is because there were some replies in Munirah’s thread that really caught my eye. i guess i just want to feel how some of the girls around Gupshup would react in this particular situation.
Thanks for replying yaar Really appreciate it. i knew you would give good advice.
yes i will accept it then my parents would always choose whats best for me nadia. i will not have any problem with it as long as my parents are okay , i will be too.
I don't see why not! So what if he isn't of Pakistani origins. He sounds more Pakistani than me (as I can't speak fluent Urdu, nor have I ever been to Pakistan except when I was 4 years old). There isn't any major problems. Main points should be 1. If he is a Muslim; 2. You get along; and 3. He's caring, loving and treats you like gold etc.
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*Originally posted by suroor_ca02: *
yes i will accept it then :) my parents would always choose whats best for me nadia. i will not have any problem with it as long as my parents are okay , i will be too.
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An honest answer. Thank you, Suroor_Ca.
[quote] Originally posted by MehnazQ:
I don't see why not! So what if he isn't of Pakistani origins. He sounds more Pakistani than me (as I can't speak fluent Urdu, nor have I ever been to Pakistan except when I was 4 years old). There isn't any major problems. Main points should be 1. If he is a Muslim; 2. You get along; and 3. He's caring, loving and treats you like gold etc.
[/quote]
MehnazQ, Thank you for the answer. Yes he treats you like gold, you respect him (and vice versa). All human beings have flaws and he has them too, but he's working on them. In summary - he is extremely humble and caring.
Mind if i complicate things a bit further - hypothetically speaking, what if your parents have a slight problem with him. And the ONLY reason is that of colour (otherwise, they love his personality). He is much darker than you are. It's not an impossible problem because you know that you can eventually talk your parents into accepting your decision; simultaneously you know that you have disappointed them by wanting to accept a rishta of a guy who is extremely black. i know it's sad to even be talking about this - but such is the reality of the culture we are part of. What would you do then? Would you try to talk your parents into accepting it (which they eventually will because you know that you can persuade them), and go ahead with it knowing you have slightly disappointed them?
OH :biggrin: i got all excited fo nothin khayr atleast it made u laugh aur haan jab woh wakt ayay ga toh hamein batana na bhoolna aap
And thanks for calling my advice sound Nadia feels good to hear that :biggrin:
Hmm…I dono yara I dint ever really think why but the idea of marrying a non Pakistani…its kind of like one of those things for me…ke i know i am never gonna eat pork..never gonna touch alcohol…never gonna do certain things in life…n never gonna marry a non pakistani… [inshallah…its all in Allah’s hands]…i have always thought i’ma marry someone who is pakistani..i never considered the reasons…hmm…i think they r too many and cant really be put in words…but even if the person was like a fair skinned blue eyed arab or whatever i would still not wanny marry the person…would marry only a pakistani…
though its too late for me as well......:) but i am sure there is no refusal on my side as long as my parents have no problem......
coz i'm married to someone who was never seen even by my parents before engagement ......coz he wasn't there at that time n the whole thing was decided on the basis of family background values religion etc........after engagement some of my naughty cousins asked for fotos n.......my parents met him just once on eid day ......that was 3 days before our wedding............so ......i think looks /complexion were not the point there.....!!!
MehnazQ, Thank you for the answer. Yes he treats you like gold, you respect him (and vice versa). All human beings have flaws and he has them too, but he's working on them. In summary - he is extremely humble and caring.
Mind if i complicate things a bit further - hypothetically speaking, what if your parents have a slight problem with him. And the ONLY reason is that of colour (otherwise, they love his personality). He is much darker than you are. It's not an impossible problem because you know that you can eventually talk your parents into accepting your decision; simultaneously you know that you have disappointed them by wanting to accept a rishta of a guy who is extremely black. i know it's sad to even be talking about this - but such is the reality of the culture we are part of. What would you do then? Would you try to talk your parents into accepting it (which they eventually will because you know that you can persuade them), and go ahead with it knowing you have slightly disappointed them?
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Well, let me give you a little info on me. Naturally, i'm golden-brown complexion and everyone tells me i'm pyaari, etc. Yet, I still hear the occassional comments, not directed at me but others in general conversation, on how they don't like so-and-so girl cause she's dark. I detest that kind of mentality. I would hate it if someone treated me like that so I would never treat someone else like that. My philosophy on life is, treat others like you want to be treated yourself.
My parents aren't the type to write someone off cause he's dark. They know what to value in a person, which is his character.
However, since this is a hypothetical situation, I'll give you an answer to the hypothetical predicament you have placed me in. :)
If my parents had a problem with someone I was attracted to based on his skin complexion alone, I would tell them to deal with it and I'm 100% sure they would! :)
Nadia, you want unabashed honesty here so this is my two cents worth:
I would not consider such a rishta. Why? Not because I’m prejudiced and whatnot, but simply because I, on the basis of personal priorities that I have established for myself, have always hoped to marry someone that I am comfortable with mentally and visually. Again, please don’t misunderstand folks, I’m not bigoted in any way, but in my personal opinion, I wouldn’t be able to handle the “black” looks of the person, given our culture that stresses acceptance within the community. Not to say that this “acceptance” or “rejection” is right or wrong, mind you.
I apologize if I inadvertantly offended anyone…if so, it really wasn’t my intention.
Apart from the fact that I am unconfortable with the thought of marriage, if I ever did consider it, I would consider the rishta, yes.
Because I feel that the life on this earth is very very short compared to what is in the afterlife.
However I do understand that people have preferences, just as I do, but skin color or background isnt one of them for me in terms of marriage partners. Doesnt mean I am better than someone else for holding this opinion either.
I am tan skin and visually speaking I prefer tan to pink, but because someone is pink skin doesnt mean I would not consider them.
I dont know if you have studied this, but there have been many studies of people living together in groups, and even when there is no physical attraction initially, the time spent with another has a tremendous affect on a persons feeling towards them.
So no, given the circumstances, I would consider the rishta.
oops i forgot to mention - yes, let’s suppose your parents have nothing against the rishta. They have known this family for years (this is a hypothetical scenario).
is it time to be giving mubarakayn? :biggrin:
Nahin, mubarakayn ka abhi waqt nahin aya hai. Agar woh waqt aye ga, tau main tumko zaroor bata doon gi. 
laughed my head off when i read your post.
khayr atleast it made u laugh 
aur haan jab woh wakt ayay ga toh hamein batana na bhoolna aap 
