Would you Accept the Rishta Part II (for Men) ?

Arts & Culture Culture, Arts, Literature & Linguistics
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nadia nd Mehnaz

the answer is very simple on 2 accounts

1) i was not planning to accept any "rishtas" cuz i really wanted to find my own wife

2) I am not attracted to blacks in general, now dont be alarmed, I am not attratced to majority of yer blue eyed blond hair types either. I prefer a mediterranian type of look, arabs, desis, spanish are fine.

so i would not be looking for a black girl. and hck she could be great in other ways, and maybe I would even change my mind and fall for her. But if someone wanted to introduce me, i would say no.

So the point is, I will not be looking for someone who is black, or a redhead etc, so if someone says hey i want u to meet this girl and she is this and that and she is black i would prolly say I am not interested.

However, if i met someone, and got to know her, and fell for her, it would not matter which race she was.

I hope u understand what I mean..

ahh after posting this i thought

I would not be actively looking for someone who is black( or white), if someone wants to introduce me to somone with a rishta in mind and she is black or white, I will not go for it.,

but if i meet somewone or run into someone and it all works out, I will not reject someone simply because she is black (or white).

Majestic

yes, i would have married an arab or persian girl, as a matter of fact there was one but it did not work out in the end..due to timing as well as her moving away from east coast to midwest etc etc.

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majestic, there could be multiple reasons for someone not going for someone..

I mean yes teh whole race, ethnicity type demands of some families are one thing, but then there is something called personal preferance.. what u find attractive.

my bro for example is very fair, hazel eyes, etc etc, but the girls he seems to be attracted to are darker than him with dark eyes etc. He is opposed to marrying anyone who grew up in pakistan..because he feels that it will be harder to connect mentally than with someone who has grown up in or spent some time in UK/US etc. I can understand that and relate to that..I have pissed of family members and family friends when they were trying to hook me up cuz i said no to anyone in Pakistan and no to anyone related..or from close family friends, just because it was my preferance.

to each his or her own.

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[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Fraudz: *
majestic, there could be multiple reasons for someone not going for someone..

I mean yes teh whole race, ethnicity type demands of some families are one thing, but then there is something called personal preferance.. what u find attractive.

my bro for example is very fair, hazel eyes, etc etc, but the girls he seems to be attracted to are darker than him with dark eyes etc. He is opposed to marrying anyone who grew up in pakistan..because he feels that it will be harder to connect mentally than with someone who has grown up in or spent some time in UK/US etc. I can understand that and relate to that..I have pissed of family members and family friends when they were trying to hook me up cuz i said no to anyone in Pakistan and no to anyone related..or from close family friends, just because it was my preferance.

to each his or her own.
[/QUOTE]

Of course I know there are OTHER reasons, but thats not what I am talking about. I am mostly talking about the "family".

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[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
What about the men? They seem to get off scott free! They can be as ugly as an arse but they gotta have a fair girl! It's unfortunate, but true within this community.
[/QUOTE]

I think thats over-simplifying the whole thing. A guy is supposed to be earning decent $$$, well-educated, good personality, good family etc etc. And more often than not, if a girl has proposals from two guys, all things being equal they'd probably go for the better-looking one, as well. Only a dude, who has made it splendidly, either professionally, or inheritance, can hope to get a good-looking spouse, not being one himself.

Yeah, exceptions are always there, but I am talking about what I have seen, and the general tendencies in urban upper middle class social climate in Pakistan. I have no experience of rural and uneducated life-styles, so don't give that back to me. :)

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[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Majestic: *

Of course I know there are OTHER reasons, but thats not what I am talking about. I am mostly talking about the "family".
[/QUOTE]

depends on teh families, its not that pakistanis are the only ones who do that. I know for a fact that arabs do it too, atleast saudis and lebanese ... they look at tribes, would prefer someone from their country over someone from qatar or Egypt.

please dont make it a Pakistani phenomenon, its prevelant in Arab society as well... big time.

which country, which tribe...it is a big thing among many arabs.

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[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Majestic: *
I agree with lots of Arabs wanting to marry someone from their own country, like a lot of others, however its not to the extent as it is with Pakistanis, NO WAY!
[/QUOTE]

How much do you know about Pakistanis anyway to be making such statements?

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its about love, if the loves there then everything else gets thrown out of the window.

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[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Majestic: *

**
A LOT ** more then you think

[/QUOTE]

I don't know, u tell me. You may consider Pakistanis as racist. No biggie. Cut down on the garb of political correctness and everyone is. When Pakistanis say Arabs are racist, they usually mean that "Arabs are racists towards Pakistanis". Pakistanis don't, in general, ill-treat Arabs or assume that Arabs are lowly creatures. But the feeling is that Arabs think they are superior to Pakistanis.

Internal racism, for a Saudi towards a Qatari, or an arayeen towards a jatt, is something totally different. To claim superiority just based on gene structure and color of skin is the most pathetic excuse of an argument.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Majestic: *

I mean the guy has to be a doctor, the girl has to be white, nah man, not like that at all.
[/QUOTE]

Generalizations galore! Bibi, not every guy in Pakistan is a doctor and not every girl is a white. If it were as bad as you seem to suggest, 95% of Pakistani's population will die unmarried. Folks want their spouses to be reasonably successful people. Doctor, engineer, accountant, manager, banker, whatever... its nothing unique to Pakistani culture. Which world do you live in?

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god bless desi culture, where else could a fat ugly man marry a young beautiful bride :D

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[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Faisal: *
Yeah, exceptions are always there, but I am talking about what I have seen, and the general tendencies in urban upper middle class social climate in Pakistan. I have no experience of rural and uneducated life-styles, so don't give that back to me. :)
[/QUOTE]

Rural and uneducated lifestyles???

Unfortunately, I have witnessed such behaviour from many urban and middle-class families residing in Canada and America. I don't know what it is like in Pakistan, I can only tell you the backwards mentality that is still rampant here! You'll find this narrow-minded mentality in families who are "well-educated", such as doctors, engineers, lawyers, etc. They want a girl who is well-educated as well as white whereas their own son can be black as an arse, but if he has a 'professional' degree, then he's alright. More is always expected from the girl!

It's sad really. We know one family in California who don't like their daughter-in-law (who might I add was the son's choice) cause she is 'sawali' whereas the guy is fair. There are quite a few "well-educated" and "upper-class" families like that here in Toronto too.

Anyway, in general, I believe that people should look at a person's character rather than focus on their complexion alone. It isn't usually the guys who emphasis wanting a 'fair-skinned' girls...it's usually the mothers who have a complex about their own skin complexion.

As for myself, I'm golden-brown and beautiful! I've never actually experienced any discrimination based on my complexion. I get my information from desi dinner parties when aunties all sit around and complain that they can't find a fair girl and highly-educated girl for their overweight and bald son.

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Bilkul…apne ghar ke bakre ko kabhi nahin dekhte loug :bummer:

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So true Mehnaz. One of my friends is getting a divorce and one of the reasons is that she is dark. Her husband is light skinned and had married her by his own choice. She is educated, confident, very professional and attractive . She recently visited her in-laws for the first time and says that her mother-in-law kept taunting at her because of her darkness and her husband did nothing to defend her. They would say stuff like... oh we had such beautiful and fair girls for you here... and hamari tau khwaahish hee reh gai ke gori bahoo hoti. And that moron of a guy not even once stuck up for her, instead he was brain washed (by his mother in particular). Things got worse day by day and now he is divorcing her. It's such a pity to see things like this happen. Honestly speaking such a shallow man isn't even worthy of staying with but still it's a shame that our people have such shallow standards and how mothers intervene and how sons usually succumb.

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[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Femme Fatale: *
It's such a pity to see things like this happen. Honestly speaking such a shallow man isn't even worthy of staying with but still it's a shame that our people have such shallow standards and how mothers intervene and how sons usually succumb.
[/QUOTE]

Very true .... and very sad indeed. :(

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Shallow men are the first to go bald and fat. The girls are better off, in the long run.

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It's all a matter of preference. Some people like them fat, others like them slim, some like them dark, others like them fair, some tall, others short. There's nothing wrong with having a choice.

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[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Chaltahai: *
Shallow men are the first to go bald and fat. The girls are better off, in the long run.
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watch it CH :D