Further to the topics of Nadia_H and Munira, let’s ask this question to the men of Gupshup. I’ve basically copied, pasted and edited Nadia_H’s topic to make it relevant to men.
Let’s say you were offered a rishta from a family - let’s say the girl is extremely familiar with Pakistani culture (since she happened to be born into it); she converses in, and writes, Urdu fluently; due to a good parental upbringing (and influence of grandparents as well), she has imbibed many good values - respectful towards her elders, polite, humble, not arrogant, etc etc. She’s a sincere Muslim, doesn’t flaunt it but her religion is the most dear thing to her.
So far so good? Let’s say that, her father was posted in Pakistan due to some sort of career requirement, but the family is not Pakistani. The family is Muslim African and the girl is blacker than a black person! They speak Urdu fluently as i stated, and due to their long years spent in Pakistan, they are as at ease in comprehending the norms and customs of Pakistani culture as you are.
You respect the girl and vice versa. Now - question: Would you accept the rishta ? i am ONLY looking for honest answers, and would request the Moderator(s) to please remove any posts that insult someone else’s reply. No right or wrong answers here; reason for posting this is because i read Munirah’s thread and started wondering about some issues that were spin-offs from her comments. Just looking for some honest answers, that’s all.
Please provide your answer AND reason for your answer.
bhaee phir to meiN aankh band kar kay kar looN ga. BTW, sharab peenay day gee ya nahi shaadi kay baad? Aur namaz to nahi parhwayay gee danday maar kar? That counts too (kinda, sorta).
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*Originally posted by Roman: *
bhaee phir to meiN aankh band kar kay kar looN ga. BTW, sharab peenay day gee ya nahi shaadi kay baad? Aur namaz to nahi parhwayay gee danday maar kar? That counts too (kinda, sorta).
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No. You two pretty much are in agreement of everything. The only problem (if you see it that way) is that she is a Black African and not Pakistani. Would you do it?
Great thread, Mehnaz. Think we need to discuss this issue MUCH more.
Majestic, i wish we all thought like you. :k:
Fraudz, Do you mind if i ask what’s your reasoning for that? (This is a hypothetical scenario so of course we are discussing under the imaginary assumption that no one is engaged/married, etc.).
forget about all this rishta crap, you suppose to marry the person YOU love, not the person your parents want, or how much they make, or wheather or not if they are a doc, or pretty or what color skin they are, you marry the one YOU love.
Layla was a short, skinny dark girl, but Majnoon loved her with all his life that he went crazy for her, when asked "why do you only love this layla, there are more beautiful girls then her", Majnoon said: My Layla must be seen with 'MY' eyes.
thats just my 2cents :D
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I agree. However, unfortunately, the politics of shadism are rampant in the Pakistani community and is always geared towards the girl. The girl has to be light, the girl has to be this and that and blah blah blah. What about the men? They seem to get off scott free! They can be as ugly as an arse but they gotta have a fair girl! It's unfortunate, but true within this community.
What's even more unfortunate that it is usually women who perpetuate this problem by making demands of wanting a 'gori' girl in their family. sigh
[QUOTE] Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
The girl has to be light, the girl has to be this and that and blah blah blah. What about the men? They seem to get off scott free! They can be as ugly as an arse but they gotta have a fair girl! It's unfortunate, but true within this community. What's even more unfortunate that it is usually women who perpetuate this problem by making demands of wanting a 'gori' girl in their family. *sigh
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Generally speaking, the "requirements" for a girl go something like this (in order more or less):
1. Tall
2. Light-complexion
3. Skinny/slim
4. "Good" family
5. Education/religious adherence come fifth or sixth
For guys, of course, being tall is one requirement; being a "professional" (preferably brain surgeon, accountant, or engineer). He can be darker than the girl, of course, but not as dark as many Africans tend to be.
Chosing a life partner is not so simple as doting a rigid line between white and black.. it is based on so many diverse social factors that it would be harsh to judge someone who wont accept that rishta.. may be someone like to marry a black girl but not that girl! I have a friend in USA who married a Black african girl and is having great married life..
I would certainly had married a black african girl than any other race but I married from Pakistan someone I knew well .. I have many african american girls as friends and they are great people .. in case of marriage we Pakistanbi are most racist nations in the world... almost all mothers are looking for fair girls..dunno why are we ashamed of very things that are our own like color..
