would it make a dffierence to u ..

Lifestyle Relationships
1

if a potential rishta had lots of siblings like .. 7 .. n only 1 of them is married .. ? ..

like would this scare u ? ..

2

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

Hmmm, I don't know about myself, but it seems that it does sometimes scare parents. Perhaps because of the extra responsibility it may bring upon your husband and therefore also you.

3

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

I think thats a good thing. 2 meri tangen daba rahe hon gay 2 meray bazu, 1 mera sar aur akhari angoor meray mu ma dal raha ho ga!!!

4

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

Not necessarily... depends on the nature, personalities and behaviour of the siblings... I can have a friendly relationship with them... but my parents might have some apprehensions since I come from a small family...

5

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

yes if u come from a very small family it makes a huge difference...

6

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

My wife has 4 siblings (3 sisters and 1 brother). 3 of them got married after our marriage so thats

3 whole family trips to Pakistan from US/Canada ($$$$$), 3 decent gifts ($$$$)

So if someone is ok with it and can afford it, there is no harm. I in fact enjoy my SIL/BIL company. Specially when I always wanted a younger sister, I got 3 :)

7

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

yes.very scary.

chota khandan, ziada khush hali. wazarat-e-behbood-e-Abadi

8

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

It would. Definately. Bt u cnt pick n choose like tht, usually its the overall package that counts. But ofcourse the family structure does have a deep influence on your decision because you are hopefuly gonna be living with them so it does matter.

9

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

If a potential rishta has that many siblings...and if the siblings were NOT financially independant or on a path to become financially independant, and the parents are not very well off financially....then yes, this would definately effect my decision on marrying that guy.

If all the siblings are minors or "adults" with no education/no job....that would have a negative effect on my decision. However, if all the siblings are in college/or pursuing higher education.....or they have stable jobs and are in careers where they're making decent $....then their marital status would not bother me.

A close friend of mine is dealing with this issue: Her husband gives $ to his parents to help them out. However, the husband also has a brother who's almost 25, lives with the parents...never went to college and does little odd-jobs now and then. The 25 year old brother also expects my friend's husband to support him! There's noting wrong with the brother (ie. no disability). This is a continued source of tension in their marriage.

10

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

Why does it bother yr friend? Her husband was a brother to some people before he married her rolleyes. Its none of her business if he is helping his brother out as long as he is not making her go without food or basic necessities.

11

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

Gold digger.

12

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

I agree... the girl should know about the situation of the guy at the time when she married him... she should accept him as a complete package with the family and everything... the guy should be doing the same but it is more on the girl's side as she is the one moving in with the husband (in the desi culture of course)...

13

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

I agree...too many women think that when they get married the husband is JUST a husband....so what if he gives money to HIS OWN family...HIS BLOOD? if anything she should suport him in this situation

14

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

Unless his was the type of family where they expected him to support every single member of his tribe...I wouldnt worry about it too much.

You really need to gauge the family and see what their expectations are of him.

^ That is the nicest thing ever. I hope my husband feels the same way about my sisters...Inshallah.

15

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

If he is supporting his parents...acceptable and encouraged.

If he is supporting his unmarried and unemployed sisters...completely acceptable.

If he is financially supporting his 25 year old grown and capable brothers...that is unacceptable.

If he is having to support his sister's husband because he isnt working and makes him used to staying home...unacceptable.

If he is working to support a lavish lifestyle for his family and siblings but makes his wife work to support herself...unacceptable.

16

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

its time to be scared when your rishta has 7 siblings and of all of them he's the one who's married.

17

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

The more siblings your husband has the more dawat's you get , birthdays , aqeeqa , khatna, shadi , walima , ameen , bismillah , konday , milad , quran khawani , barsee , chalam , teeja , mayoon , mehndi ,baree , moondan , sweet 16 , graduation , promotion , ghusl-a-sahat list of these invitations is endless.

18

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

My fiance has 4 siblings and fortunately they are all married. They are a very close knitted family though composed of 20 people including the kids. All his sisters and their husband are always over at his house having dawaat every other night. I live in a family of 4 people so it is a little bit scary. I am not used to cooking for 20 people. Also, I am not used to noise or kids. But I have requested to be provided my own place to stay. heheh the request has been granted. :)

19

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

Why so? If the rishta is the oldest of teh family then it makes sense that he's the only one whose married.

And the more $$ that's spent....imagine losing your job, thats another extra problem..

20

Re: would it make a dffierence to u ..

It "bothers" her b/c the amount of money her husband gives to the 25 year old brother does have effect on their finances b/c they're not rich. She has no problem with her husband supporting his parents. But she's not quite sure why a 25 year old grown man(who CHOSE not to get a college education) who is fully capable of working physically and mentally needs to be given money by his older brother while the 25 year old sits at home or just hangs out with his friends all day long. She would much prefer that money(the $ going to the brother) be put into their savings account or college fund for their own 3 children.

Of course in my friend's case....she doesn't "blame" anyone but herself. She realizes that she should've had more open discussions with her now husband regarding his views on finances and supporting family before she married him.

Do I think there is anything wrong with a man supporting his parents? No
Do I think there is anything wrong with a man supporting his siblings who are minors or are in school? No
Do I think there is anything wrong with a man supporting his adult siblings if the adult siblings is not able to work for some reason (disability, medical condition) or temporary support if they're having a hard time (ie. being laid off) etc? No

I have two siblings who are currently in college. I give them money b/c they're students and work very hard on their studies. Once they're done with school, and they will hopefully gets jobs and be able to support themselves. And when that happens, I won't send them money every month b/c at that time, they will be adults who are capable/willing to take care of themselvse.

But I personally would have a problem with my husband just routinely giving money to his ADULT siblings who choose not to get a job just because they're lazy. No I don't expect him to spend that money on me. I would rather that money go to our savings account, 401K, or go towards our children's future college fund. Now if this makes me a "gold digger"(as mentioned by Mirch), then I guess I'm a gold digger. But that is how I feel.