Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
He said that doesn’t look at girls? U-huh…yeah…he walks around with his eyes closed.
And you say that nobody else know about this girl’s affair except for you (fairywings), the girl herself, and a couple of his friends? So…unless “his” was a typo…if the guy’s friends know about the fling…then there’s always the chance that he might find out about it as well (through them).
And a kiss isn’t physical? I think what you were trying to say is that it wasn’t physical to the point of being sexual.
Also…Fairywings…you seem really really interested in knowing if this guy could be lying. Now, you could just be a really helpful person…trying to help her friend with this dilemma. Or you could very well be the friend in question. If it’s the latter…that would make for lie # 2
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
Essentially everybody is stating continue to lie to your spouse about an issue which is not important now but could become a huge issue if he ever finds out and could destabilize their relationship. The question is how many have actually implemented this in your own lives? Lied to your spouse and loved ones when they asked you a similar question?
Basing a relationship from the start on lies is bound to fail because she will eventually get caught. Oh yes they always get caught.
I would recommend that she tell him the whole truth and leave it at that. If he can’t handle it he is not someone you wanna marry anyway. But then again I do not know the individual in question nor do I know the way he will react. As stated by Mulder - The Truth shall set you free.
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
Depends on what htat person considers is a relationship and worthy to mention.
A broken marriage, broken engagement, long term relationship that failed, those are worth mentioning and must be mentioned…internet flings that didn’t get physical…not really. good for the person if they mention it but it shouldnt’ be a deal breaker.
and maybe I’m being naive lol but when she says “kissing but not going physical” I’m assuming it was hello/goodbye kisses…
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
She doesn’t have to tell?? Are you guys kidding me???
According to the original post, she does not want to tell him because she doesn’t want him to use it as a weapon - WOW. how selfish is she?
Does she love the guy? Does she care about the guy? or… is she just too desperate to get married?
If her reason was that she was afraid of him putting off the marriage or something like that then I would understand but her reason is to protect herself. Firstly, she lied and then she doesn’t want to tell him because she doesn’t want him to use her mistake in a fight. (It would be very shallow of the guy to use such a thing). But thats not the point here, because she is the one who made the mistake and she should be ready to face any consequences.
If my fiance tells me that she had a relationship 3 years ago with some guy, and that she lied to me and regrets lying to me, and the entire time she was really scared of telling me, that it was her mistake (lying) and is really sorry, I will love her more than anything because of her honesty.
So if she actually cares about him and loves him then she should tell him. If the guy puts off the marriage, then it will be clear that he isn’t the right guy and he only cares about his wife meeting certain standards (ex: wife should never have been in a relationship) and that he doesn’t care about her as a person.
If the guy actually loves her, he should forgive her because of her apology.
The issue here is that she lied to him.
**I can’t believe that so many people told her to forget about it, no wonder this world is messed up. **
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
Nope wasn’t a typo either…i really meant ‘his’ …the thing is her fiance is in pak…this guy used to live in the same town as her…his friends are not in the same circle of friends she is in right now…so no mutual friends etc…she’s planning to move elsewhere after the wedding…what i’m trying to say it there is no way that anyone else would find out
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
I’d have to speak to her again to be honest…BUT she really loves this guys she is going to marry and she regrets her previous relationship and that she should have waited for this guy…
And also its not that crazy to think he would use this in an argument…she says that he’s ‘like that’ and when he is angry he would say anything to be honest.
And you say it would make u love her more…i mean you’re a different person. not all people are the same. what people ‘should’ feel and what they actually feel are 2 different things…
I do agree that the issue is that she has lied to him…its a fact..he asked her point blank and she denied it…
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
Some guys DO use it as a weapon and I think it’s a very common thing that we’re taught…
My mother told me not to tell my husband about anybody from my past (any guys I likied, rishtas I had etc) b/c he wud end up using it as a weapon later on…I didn’t take that advice and Alhumdulillah he’s not like that at all, but I can understand the fear of it…
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
Why would you drag your previous relationships into this? Especially if it wasnt serious?
Unless it was a physical relationship or a marriage…leave it alone and dont go there. He asked her point blank for a reason, he seems a bit judgmental to me and might hold this against her later on. I dont see the benefit. I dont think its his right to know about something that really isnt his business.
When people ask me about prior rishtas or relationships, I tell them only what is necessary. The details are not important and neither is their knowledge of every single guy I was passively interested in. Puh-leeze.
She needs to bury the past, maybe go to some therapy and really move on with her life. Living in the past is like poison for any marriage.
If it’s the latter…that would make for lie # 2 
Puh-leeze.