A friend of mine is getting married next spring. Love marriage. She has been with the guy for 2 years. However she is in a dilema. She was previously in a relationship with a guy for like 6 months. Nothing serious she tells me. a ‘fling’ if you will. It wasn’t a ‘physical’ relationship. just phoning and texting and meeting up
Her fiance has asked her before whether she has ever been in a relationship and she said she hasn’t.
She’s regretful that she was in a relationship…she feels that she shouldn’t have been with someone where there was no prospect o marrying etc. She feels she was young and it was a mistake.
Now she doesn’t know what to do. On one hand if she doesn’t tell him she feels like she will always have that at the back of her mind as something that she has not told him. A secret that she is keeping from him. On the other hand if she tells him she doesn’t want him to use it as a weapon as such. That oh but you were in a relationship blah blah. In anger anything can be thrown back in your face.
I think that it could go the other way and make their relationship stronger?
What are people’s views? have theybeen in similar situations? or heard of such things?
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
Honesty is the key, agar relationship hee jhoot se shroo karni hai to phir faida ki
my take is one should not be very over inquisitive about his/her spouse's past. If present looks ok and there are no obvious flaws, dont inquire too much. If she was involved with someone (even if it was a fling), it was in the past and its not that she was cheating on her unknown future hubby.
Is it more ethical for him not to ask than for her to lie. I think yes.
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
my take is one should not be very over inquisitive about his/her spouse's past. If present looks ok and there are no obvious flaws, dont inquire too much. If she was involved with someone (even if it was a fling), it was in the past and its not that she was cheating on her unknown future hubby.
Is it more ethical for him not to ask than for her to lie. I think yes.
I agree but sometimes if a person's past is dodgy then the other should find out by the person himself/herself instead of finding it by someone else's mouth much much later on because then it'd feel like betrayal
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
I agree but sometimes if a person's past is dodgy then the other should find out by the person himself/herself instead of finding it by someone else's mouth much much later on because then it'd feel like betrayal
case in discussion; does it look like a dodgy past to you?
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
In general sense, I agree with you. However, I notice that people who are very inquisitive about their partners' past often have a dodgy past themselves.
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
If there is no other way of the guy finding out about the relationship, and the girl can live with it, she doesn't need to tell. Withholding that information does not affect their current relationship so why ruin it.
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
Nah. I think she shouldn't worry. It's not important. Unless she's lying and feeling guilty...as in that she actually had something bigger than a fling.
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
did she ask him the same question ever? what was his answer? if he said no then he is also lying. :D
YEs she asked. He's from pak. he denied ever being in a relationship with anyone. And that he is the type to not look at girls etc...hmmmm he seems a decent enough guy and she also says that this is prob true!
If there is no other way of the guy finding out about the relationship, and the girl can live with it, she doesn't need to tell. Withholding that information does not affect their current relationship so why ruin it.
There is no other way of anyone finding out. He no longer lives in the same town and the only people tha knew were me, her and him...and a few of his friends.
Nah. I think she shouldn't worry. It's not important. Unless she's lying and feeling guilty...as in that she actually had something bigger than a fling.
It was never more than....an emotional relationship. not physical...apparantly they would kiss (details eh?) but nothing else...if you catch my drift. She said there was no 'love' just emotional support.
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
. he denied ever being in a relationship with anyone. And that he is the type to not look at girls etc
I have one word to say ..
bull.
:D
.hmmmm he seems a decent enough guy and she also says that this is prob true!
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the guys who ever had a fling before marriage are not awara, luchay lafangay guys. There are decent people who could like someone genuinely and realize 6 months later that its not working out. Is that a fling? Yes it is. It could happen to anyone.
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
I have one word to say ..
bull.
:D
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the guys who ever had a fling before marriage are not awara, luchay lafangay guys. There are decent people who could like someone genuinely and realize 6 months later that its not working out. Is that a fling? Yes it is. It could happen to anyone.
LOL TLK! really cannot be true that he has not been in a relationship?
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
because of the above two statements. He claimed not to be the type who looks at girls, yet this is a love marriage. Unless he was looking at his fiance’s brother when decided to marry her (sounds so distrubing ), #1 and #2 conflict with each other.
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
One could argue that a fling is a non-serious affair ...a fleeting union that is not on the same level as serious relationship.
I think it's better if she leaves it alone. It's not like she has an STD...it's not like she still has romantic feelings for the guy she was previously with, and so it won't affect your her current relationship. I can understand that it may feel weird that she hasn't told her fiance about that guy...especially if he was completely open about his former relationships/involvements with other girls. But whether or not he had a past......either way....it would be pretty low of him to use it as a weapon against her.
If she feels what she did was a mistake, then she should learn from it and move on. I think it's better if she doesn't tell him.
Re: Would/have you told your spouse about previous relationships?
YEs she asked. He's from pak. he denied ever being in a relationship with anyone. And that he is the type to not look at girls etc...hmmmm he seems a decent enough guy and she also says that this is prob true!
There is no other way of anyone finding out. He no longer lives in the same town and the only people tha knew were me, her and him...and a few of his friends.
It was never more than....an emotional relationship. not physical...apparantly they would kiss (details eh?) but nothing else...if you catch my drift. She said there was no 'love' just emotional support.
),