There is no good that will come out of this “truth”. It will not benefit anyone and it definitely will not elevate her in his eyes. If he asked, he cares about her having no past and probably WILL use it against her in the future. I do not understand how this will practically do any good in their marriage. It will not. So, why go down that road? Why dig up old skeletons?
How the hell can you generalize that? That is complete BS. “If he asked he cares about her having no past” - wow. that is ridiculous. If I like someone and I want to marry them, I would like to know their past because I care about them and because as a future husband, I should be someone who she can confide with and someone who she can share things with.
If I already like a girl, intend to marry her, and have been with her for 2 years and then she tells me that she was in a casual relationship like 3 years ago before she met me, my opinion of her would not change. And if I ever use it against her that would be wrong of me because she was honest with me before marriage and it was my decision to continue on with her, if I had an issue with her past, then I wouldn’t have married her in first place. Her past should not be classified as a weapon if she is honest because she is presenting it to him, and if he takes advantage of it then he is not the right person for her.
She is in love with him, loyal to him and marrying him. What right does anyone have to go into HER past and question HER about HER actions?
She is loyal to him - she clearly seems loyal to herself more than anyone else.
The issue is not about what right he has or what he doesn’t - firstly, i disagree with your point that he doesn’t have a right. Well, I don’t want to get into a discussion on that because that is not the point over here. Okay, assuming it wasn’t his right, that doesn’t mean she lies to him.
Unless her ex is a crazy psycho, she is carrying an STD or she was married, she needs to keep her mouth shut. No one has the right to use your past against you. No one. Its not theirs to use.
Who draws the line here on when to tell a fiance about your past? And once again, its not about using the past as a weapon! It’s about trust. After getting married, if I discover that my wife lied to me at the start of our relationship, I would be annoyed at her because she hid it from me and she lied about it not because she had a past but because she lied. The first thing that would pop up in my head is… how many other lies has she said?
And people who say it hurts…well…its a bunch of bull because it doesnt hurt anyone more than the person who goes through it. I find it so lame when people say “oh I was so hurt to find out he/she had a girlfriend or was in love before”…how self centered!!!
In my experience, letting the past die is the best way to secure a good future. People who keep dragging it with them like dead weight end up hurting others who get involved with them too.
**How self-centered of the people who say it hurts? - Are you kidding me?! In our case, it is pretty clear who is acting self centered and who is trying to secure their future with a lie.
Secondly, they will not be hurt bec she had a boyfriend, they will be hurt because she didn’t trust them, and bec she lied to them.**