So today I was talking with a guy about marriage and stuff. And he was telling me about a friend who is worried about his sister’s shadi. They cant find a rishta. And so I said to him so why doesnt she start a job, will she keep crying at home just because she isnt getting a proposal? And he was like no way, working women dont get good proposals. And I was like wth.
I have a cousin who married her class fellow, and the guy doesnt let her work now. Another cousin got cheated on in his first marriage, so second wife is not allowed to work.
Most of my cousins and friends work. I thought times have changed. But then you come across such people and realize society at large is still pretty conservative.
So what should a girl do? Should she stay at home and protect her chastity and waste her degree for the judgmental prince charming?
No never what would be the point of years of hard work. The right guy will come eventually and everyone has a naseeb, also working helps to empower a women and give her responsibilities. What do these guys expect the woman to do if they God forbid pass away how will she support herself and children?
This is Pakistan where deceit, lying and hiding is the name of the game. So yes no one trusts anyone, not even own wife to spend majority of the day outside of the house in a mix gender setting where men are of same race and culture–as you said everyone hears about the cheating by wives so that scares them even more. Not condoning such thinking because shpukd be able to trust spouse but I can understand why men wouldnt want theur wife working. It’s not as bad in US, girls here work for the most part but the problem here is that pakistanis don’t educate their daughters because length of education to be a professional here is really long and expensive. Girls here do mostly bachelor’s which doesn’t get you any legit professional job here in the US. In Pakistan, even the medical degree is a bachelor’s degree, in US have to do 4 years of bachelor’s after high school AND 4 years of medical doctorate. I personally wanted a professional wife.
Yes there are VERY insecure men. Men so insecure they are AFFRAID to admit their insecurity. They will jump hoops of mental self-deception. Or build comfy walls of happy unicorn rainbows with dressing religiously, associating with religious symbolisms, or any intellectualism, redressing the visible attire of the tongue and body in many ways. We all do it. Its tricky mind.
At the end of the day, no point debating “universal right mindset” and “universal wrong”. To each their own, as in…each is bound and limited and constrained by their own minds essentially. That is the nature of human beings.
The girl should be herself, have her own mind, her own values (whatever they maybe), her own judgement, and should live by it. MArriage is important, but not upon compromising all those things. Time is just a device for organization, so timing isnt something to worry about.
It’s stupid and illogical to say people shouldn’t go out into the world because of some perceived risk of adultery. If that’s the inevitable result of working then men shouldn’t leave their homes either.
Or in the case of divorce or just money problems.. or do some people think it’s better to beg or live off others..
I really wish girls and their parents would stand their ground on this, if more did it wouldn’t be too long before the guys not allowing their wives to work would be the ones getting rejected..
They really be ironing this out properly beforehand (along with the living arrangements).. Seriously what do they expect if they keep quiet or back down?? For us the right to study and work is non-negotiable, it’s seen as a basic right.. I know of others writing it as a condition in their nikah contracts as well but why bother with practical things when you can just close your eyes and hope for the best
I feel like this is what you discuss before marriage!
We talked about this and as I spend 6 years of my life in university and accumulated debt, I needed to work to pay it off and help out.
Both of us make good money and we are on the way of paying off our mortgages in the next 2 years and then once we’ll have kids, I will take a break for a few years.
We have a mutual respect in our family and neither him nor I forbid each other anything and we have monthly discussions on what’s bothering us, what we need to work on in our relationship and future goals.
I can see how insecure men can force their wives to sit at home,but that’s disrespectful to the wives just to make them feel better. Perhaps wife in this case should have a heart to heart talk with her husband. If he truly loves her, he would not force her to do what he wants! If he still doesn’t listen then maybe…just maybe…separation would be the best course of action. Why live next 50 years in jail?? For what reason??! Marriage is not slavery!
talk about painting everyone with the same brush…
and just in case nobody noticed, the wives are not cheating alone, there are men involved in that too.
I agree with you but the thing is most girls here cant make their decisions. Others make their decisions for them. So suppose if a husband asks his wife to not work, there isnt much she can do. sigh.
True. The thing is men do it discreetly, and are rarely ever caught. Even if they are caught, their wives (especially in Pakistan) dont have the option of leaving them, so the issue is burried then and there.
But if a girl is caught doing something, then all hell breaks loose.
You are lucky that your husband cooperates with you masha Allah. Lets take my cousin for example. He is the most rigid person, and I am pretty sure he will leave his wife if she insists on working. So, what can she do? Leave him? Not an option, welcome to Pakistan. Divorcees are still stigmatized here.
marriage isnt all a bed of roses. I keep telling people that.
and worst comes to worst, divorce is there. But, if one doesn’t find it such a big deal to compromise, then thats the decision that a girl has made. she lives with it, who are you and I to build a “universal right model” for her ?
of course nobody gave them that right.
I’m just trying to offer some level of compromise because you’re the one that suggested she doesn’t have any options but to put up with the unreasonable prohibition that her husband has imposed on her.
Oh…ok. I dont really care about her to be honest. I wrote that just to tell how some men can be. He divorced his first wife too, for some other reason though.
