Women who work

[hir666]

Re: Women who work

As discussed previously here on relationships, causes for not going to work are different for different people. Adultery is ‘just’ one!

I have been associated with health profession for quite some time in Pakistan. Last year I was hired by famous conglomerate as their health and safety adviser. I’ll be getting married in one year, but I’ve decided to not work, and take off ~6 months before my marriage. Now I had a detailed discussion with my husband to be, and he wants me to work, different hours, in different phases of our life, before I could a make a come back to full time work. Given the situation in our lives, I believe, he’s very correct. Will I be able to do that (in let say 14 years), Yes! Can everybody do it? No! Thats my life and is different from everybody else’s.

@arabianights

No never what would be the point of years of hard work. The right guy will come eventually and everyone has a naseeb, also working helps to empower a women and give her responsibilities. What do these guys expect the woman to do if they God forbid pass away how will she support herself and children?

I have little experience of life, but good one, years of handwork never goes in garbage bin. It’s energy, and one always finds a way to utilize that, if they’ve worked hard (in first place). Empowerment does not (only) comes with the job. There are other ways to achieve and enjoy that! and as far as financial insecurity is concerned, there are ways, you can plan for it, even in very humble earnings. So here you are, living days of your life planning his exit! Couldn’t you have lived the same days planning, he will lying next to you on your bed, and every time you turn around, he’ll be there!

@pak2015

This is Pakistan where deceit, lying and hiding is the name of the game. So yes no one trusts anyone, not even own wife to spend majority of the day outside of the house in a mix gender setting where men are of same race and culture–…

Pakistan is a different place, compared to west. We can’t even compare ourselves to India, with dominant religious and educational dis-congruities. But adultery is quite common in certain regions of Pakistan, and the way we see it, it’s not women, it’s the men begin the process of bubble penetration with their married women colleagues. While the men from same region are aware of the fact very well and they are being protective of you, consider yourself lucky! now it works the both ways!

@geminifromkhi

True. The thing is men do it discreetly, and are rarely ever caught. Even if they are caught, their wives (especially in Pakistan) dont have the option of leaving them, so the issue is burried then and there.
But if a girl is caught doing something, then all hell breaks loose.

Oh come on! Men do it discreetly! so they doing it women, which is also part of that discreet doing! and the same women is wife/sister! of someone else, so how come “the thing men do it discreetly” is valid! I totally disagree with you! So wrong!
And if you, (as a women, not you gemini) dont have an option to leave him. that’s your weakness. Work it out with yourself. I am not gonna emphasize on weakness. that another chapter.

@badabing

She could always leave the marriage if she don’t like it, just saying. You have a choice.

Exactly! she should have a choice. and you create your own choices, you open your own doors!

---

Institution of marriage is a noble one! It is not supposed to make your lives complicated so don’t rush with anything!

[Guppshupper]

Re: Women who work

^are you saying a working woman can leave work and still derive satisfaction from her life in other ways?

[arabianights]

Re: Women who work

@hir666

As discussed previously here on relationships, causes for not going to work are different for different people. Adultery is ‘just’ one!

I have been associated with health profession for quite some time in Pakistan. Last year I was hired by famous conglomerate as their health and safety adviser. I’ll be getting married in one year, but I’ve decided to not work, and take off ~6 months before my marriage. Now I had a detailed discussion with my husband to be, and he wants me to work, different hours, in different phases of our life, before I could a make a come back to full time work. Given the situation in our lives, I believe, he’s very correct. Will I be able to do that (in let say 14 years), Yes! Can everybody do it? No! Thats my life and is different from everybody else’s.

I have little experience of life, but good one, years of handwork never goes in garbage bin. It’s energy, and one always finds a way to utilize that, if they’ve worked hard (in first place). Empowerment does not (only) comes with the job. There are other ways to achieve and enjoy that! and as far as financial insecurity is concerned, there are ways, you can plan for it, even in very humble earnings. So here you are, living days of your life planning his exit! Couldn’t you have lived the same days planning, he will lying next to you on your bed, and every time you turn around, he’ll be there!

I was giving an example she shouldn’t be planning on her husband leaving. Say a woman never wants to get married her parents aren’t going to live forever, and relying on family members when she could work, in my eyes prevents women learning self reliance and responsibilities. ALSO If a woman plans to have kids should plan to support them by herself without anyone incase anything does happen, thats what i mean.
Your can’t deny a woman with a degree with little or no work experience is less likely to get a job than one with.

As for my experience in life the largest issue i’ve seen among asian women is.

1. She relies on her husband and parents money- So she lacks responsibilities, takes them for granted and is spoilt OR has no experience in life, how to pay the bills and support herself.
2. Is unhappy in marriage or in an abusive relationship- Can’t get a divorce as she relies on her husband for financial support. Lives an unhappy life and forces her children to have an unhappy upbringing.

Either way work is needed so that she knows the basics of living in life, its part of adult life to know how to support yourself.

[ruby17]

Re: Women who work

I agree with Arabiannights.
I know a girl who didn’t focus on her education because she always thought it was unecessary because she would get married and her husband would take care of her. She married fairly late and then her husband divorced her. Now she is older and there are few suitable prospects. She is totally reliant on her parents for financial support. Some say they won’t be there any more to take care of her and if she isn’t able to remarry I wonder what she will do? Luckily she has no children otherwise that would complicate things more.

[geminifromkhi]

Re: Women who work

@badabing

She could always leave the marriage if she don’t like it, just saying. You have a choice.

If only it was that easy! Pretty sure her mom will welcome her home with a chappal if she leaves her husband just because he wont let her work.

[geminifromkhi]

Re: Women who work

@hir666

Oh come on! Men do it discreetly! so they doing it women, which is also part of that discreet doing! and the same women is wife/sister! of someone else, so how come “the thing men do it discreetly” is valid! I totally disagree with you! So wrong!
And if you, (as a women, not you gemini) dont have an option to leave him. that’s your weakness. Work it out with yourself. I am not gonna emphasize on weakness. that another chapter.

I just meant its easier for married men to do it, especially in Pakistan. True they are doing it with women, but probably a single woman. Lots of single women here in Pakistan who are ready to marry a budha with 5 kids just for his money! How many married women will do that? Especially the ones with kids?

So easy for people here to say that a woman should have the guts to leave her husband. Look at the ground realities! Most women here dont want to ruin the respect their family has in the society by getting a divorce. Sad reality!

[geminifromkhi]

Re: Women who work

@ruby17

I agree with Arabiannights.
I know a girl who didn’t focus on her education because she always thought it was unecessary because she would get married and her husband would take care of her. She married fairly late and then her husband divorced her. Now she is older and there are few suitable prospects. She is totally reliant on her parents for financial support. Some say they won’t be there any more to take care of her and if she isn’t able to remarry I wonder what she will do? Luckily she has no children otherwise that would complicate things more.

Thats such a weird way to think! Why think of relying on anyone! Hope things get better for her.

[badabing]

Re: Women who work

@geminifromkhi

If only it was that easy! Pretty sure her mom will welcome her home with a chappal if she leaves her husband just because he wont let her work.

Who said it would be easy?

Social stigma, finger pointing, taking the blame etc etc - but she has a choice none the less. Leaving your spouse is never easy.

[geminifromkhi]

Re: Women who work

@badabing

Who said it would be easy?

Social stigma, finger pointing, taking the blame etc etc - but she has a choice none the less. Leaving your spouse is never easy.

She has a baby too, that makes it even more difficult.

[Pakistanmerijaan]

Re: Women who work

The environment of Karachi is not that secure & safe may be that’s why he is stopping her to work. He is just being protective of her why interpret it in a wrong way. And that is not a deal breaker & shouldn’t be a deal breaker. She can work from home if she wants.

[bakhabar]

Re: Women who work

Pakistan is one troubled place, going through relationships forum makes it very clear. I landed in Pakistan 3 days back and from public expression it appears, this countrys due at war any moment. indvidual troubles aside, i blame politicians for everything.

[mzprincess88]

Re: Women who work

A woman should ALWAYS be self sufficient. My family was very adamant that I finish uni and have some work experience before marriage so that, if the time ever arose, I could support myself. Of course my family will always be there to look out for me but your parents may not be there forever. If a marriage goes bad, what is a woman supposed to do if she has no education and no experience? What is her alternative…? Stay in a possibly toxic marriage just because she is financially dependant on her husband? That is ridiculous.

In terms of getting a good rishta…where I am, it is the norm/is the expectation that the girl is educated and working. Certainly, when we look at potentials for my brother, we ask whether the girl is career oriented because my brother (like many others)prefers a girl who will add value to his life, who is an equal partner, with whom he can move forward in life with. Think about it, if you are looking at a rishta, and the girl is a doctor or a lawyer, the next question will be “where does she work?” Because one cannot grasp the fact that if someone is so educated that they would be sitting home and waiting for a rishta. So working can actually INCREASE a girl’s ability to get a good rishta.

OP, your friend and his family are being unreasonable. The girl should focus her energies on work, education etc and when a good rishta comes, she can get married. If a girl has had a good upbringing and posses good morals and values, working will not “corrupt” her- before or after marriage. I worked for 3 years before I got married and it was fantastic. I knew my boundaries with clients, colleagues etc (being from a moderately religious family) and Allhamdullilah no lines were ever crossed. It is now normal for girls to be in their late 20s/early 30s by the time they get married, so they may as well do something useful (which may ultimately prove to be a means of survival at some point) with their time, instead of sitting home and becoming increasingly depressed about the lack of a good quality rishta.

[geminifromkhi]

Re: Women who work

@mzprincess88

A woman should ALWAYS be self sufficient. My family was very adamant that I finish uni and have some work experience before marriage so that, if the time ever arose, I could support myself. Of course my family will always be there to look out for me but your parents may not be there forever. If a marriage goes bad, what is a woman supposed to do if she has no education and no experience? What is her alternative…? Stay in a possibly toxic marriage just because she is financially dependant on her husband? That is ridiculous.

In terms of getting a good rishta…where I am, it is the norm/is the expectation that the girl is educated and working. Certainly, when we look at potentials for my brother, we ask whether the girl is career oriented because my brother (like many others)prefers a girl who will add value to his life, who is an equal partner, with whom he can move forward in life with. Think about it, if you are looking at a rishta, and the girl is a doctor or a lawyer, the next question will be “where does she work?” Because one cannot grasp the fact that if someone is so educated that they would be sitting home and waiting for a rishta. So working can actually INCREASE a girl’s ability to get a good rishta.

OP, your friend and his family are being unreasonable. The girl should focus her energies on work, education etc and when a good rishta comes, she can get married. If a girl has had a good upbringing and posses good morals and values, working will not “corrupt” her- before or after marriage. I worked for 3 years before I got married and it was fantastic. I knew my boundaries with clients, colleagues etc (being from a moderately religious family) and Allhamdullilah no lines were ever crossed. It is now normal for girls to be in their late 20s/early 30s by the time they get married, so they may as well do something useful (which may ultimately prove to be a means of survival at some point) with their time, instead of sitting home and becoming increasingly depressed about the lack of a good quality rishta.

Agree 100% with you.