women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

[Sara516]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

@rizla86

Do women have higher standards when looking for a casual fling? Absolutely. Men usually have a higher sexual (primal) need for women, which makes most go for anything that’s got boobs and ass. Obviously in this situation, the simple laws of economics come into play and when women have a wider choice of men willing to get it on with her, she will choose the better looking ones.

Whereas when a woman is looking for long term commitment, priorities change, they have to think about their long term future, financial stability, mental compatibility, etc etc. The pool of men who tick the right boxes is much smaller, hence men can dictate play a bit here since women in this situation are willing to compromise on physical appearance in favour of an all round player and even the ‘uglier’ or less attractive guys are likely to score higher. I also don’t see how either is more ‘honest’ or ‘becharay’ than the other. The ‘sexual frustration’ of unattractive men is undoubtedly higher in the first scenario, but in the second long term commitment scenario they still get a fair chance to be with a girl when she does not only go for looks.

**I don’t think this requires a long winded explanation, it is common sense and just the way things are.
**
Anyway, interesting discussion unfolding here, please do go on

Exactly.

I would go as far as to say that it’s inverse for men. When it comes to sex, they’ll go for anybody but for marriage, they want someone whose good looking.

And anyways, why should hypotheticals bother you? If I met my husband in college I surely wouldn’t have considered him someone I wanted to date or have a casual relationship with and it really has no impact on our marriage wahtsoever.

[Sara516]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

@abubakrrizvi

another point i like to make is that for many women, this isnt a conscious change in priorities, but rather a painful experience of realizing that just because they could get attractive and charming men for affairs and sex, doesnt mean they'd be getting the same kind for commitment and marriage.

these women then rationalize it as 'maturing'

And what's wrong with maturing? Others have stated here that it's just a change in priorities.

The things that you like when you're young and single are not the same things that you will necessarily like as you get older and ready to settle down.

[redvelvet]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

@abubakrrizvi

then are they settling down with men they dont find physically attractive? .

This idea also makes me think of the several threads here created by girls who are in a situation where their parents impose rishtas that they don't find attractive or compatible. The way that issue of marriage is handled by some parents.......that "settling down" with an unattractive/incompatible guy may not have been done so....willingly. Given greater choice......perhaps the outcome may be in more accordance with their criteria. Not saying that this is the case with everyone.....but it's not unreasonable either....to factor this not so uncommon occurrence/practice into the above quoted theory/question.

[rizla86]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

@redvelvet

This idea also makes me think of the several threads here created by girls who are in a situation where their parents impose rishtas that they don't find attractive or compatible. The way that issue of marriage is handled by some parents.......that "settling down" with an unattractive/incompatible guy may not have been done so....willingly. Given greater choice......perhaps the outcome may be in more accordance with their criteria. Not saying that this is the case with everyone.....but it's not unreasonable either....to factor this not so uncommon occurrence/practice into the above quoted theory.

Interesting, but I'd like to think that the percentage of girls forcibly married off this way is lower than those who actually choose or approve a seemingly lesser attractive guy of their own accord. They do say that when a man and a woman click on many levels, then the other person actually becomes more attractive to you, sexually as well, despite the fact that there may have been no physical attraction (or maybe a little as that seems more realistic) on first sight.

[redvelvet]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

@rizla86

Interesting, but I'd like to think that the percentage of girls forcibly married off this way is lower than those who actually choose or approve a seemingly lesser attractive guy of their own accord. They do say that when a man and a woman click on many levels, then the other person actually becomes more attractive to you, sexually as well, despite the fact that there may have been no physical attraction (or maybe a little as that seems more realistic) on first sight.

Oh I understand that the percentage may not be high.......but it does happen in our culture (not with every girl, i know)......but it can account for some girls who are stuck in marriages where they feel no attraction/compatibility toward their partner. Just looking at another plausible factor.

[redvelvet]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

@abubakrrizvi

another point i like to make is that for many women, this isnt a conscious change in priorities, but rather a painful experience of realizing that just because they could get attractive and charming men for affairs and sex, doesnt mean they'd be getting the same kind for commitment and marriage.

these women then rationalize it as 'maturing'

How about the maturity of the good looking men? How many of them are mature enough to settle down...and commit to just one woman (when they may be so used to enjoying the attention of many)? Shouldn't that be considered? Do the attractive men also have OTHER qualities that would make them a good spouse? Yes, a woman may not necessarily end up marrying an attractive guy..........but there are other factors that can play into that......including one's own level of attractiveness. Good looking people tend to attract other good looking people.

[Crime_Master_GOGO]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

[QUOTE]
women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment
[/QUOTE]

Is this question in the title suppose to be for "Muslim" women ? who are actually the majority here. Some replies seems to give an impression that it is perfectly normal/acceptable for Muslim women to have an affair before marriage (same goes for men, in other discussions). Or is it their personal business ?! Well, there are no private/personal matters in Islam. Each and every bit of a Muslims decisions/affairs is actually non of his/her own business but that of Allah's and our Prophet's.

Anyways, it is non of my business, because I don't have much information about this new sect in Islam which allows such "affairs". Allah (swt) may forgive me and guide me if I misunderstood and misjudged. Allah (Swt) knows BEST!

[diwana]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

@Crime_Master_GOGO

Is this question in the title suppose to be for “Muslim” women ? who are actually the majority here. Some replies seems to give an impression that it is perfectly normal/acceptable for Muslim women to have an affair before marriage (same goes for men, in other discussions). Or is it their personal business ?! Well, there are no private/personal matters in Islam. Each and every bit of a Muslims decisions/affairs is actually non of his/her own business but that of Allah’s and our Prophet’s.

Anyways, it is non of my business, because I don’t have much information about this new sect in Islam which allows such “affairs”. Allah (swt) may forgive me and guide me if I misunderstood and misjudged. Allah (Swt) knows BEST!

Great post…and nice signature.

I actualy did not see a point there in discussing ‘affair’/ casual sex, in so much detail as if it is something very vital and dear to us all.

Having attraction to opposite sex is natural. That may be because of looks and because of other qualities or…both. Fine.

Discussing casual ‘sexual act’ and its reasons/background in such a casual and in serious way?

Some topics should be left for jokes, if that is what the intention.

[abubakrrizvi]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

@Sara516

And what's wrong with maturing? Others have stated here that it's just a change in priorities.

The things that you like when you're young and single are not the same things that you will necessarily like as you get older and ready to settle down.

firstly, dont perpetuate a false dichotomy that a goodlooking guy will always be devoid of personality and relationship qualities.

there is nothing inherently wrong with maturing (its convenient to women though) if its a conscious decision to change ones priorities, which is the case with most women who are intelligent enough.

but for some women its not an intended change in priorities and maturing, rather a its disappointing phase of coming to terms with the harsh reality that just because she could have affairs and sex with goodlooking men doesnt mean she can get them to commit as well.

i have seen women who do get bitter about this. women who based their expectations on the kind of men they could get for flings and casual sex. only to find out those men are so unattainable for commitment. these are the women who resent the studs and player kind of guys. i can see so many young women like this in our society today.

[abubakrrizvi]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

@redvelvet

This idea also makes me think of the several threads here created by girls who are in a situation where their parents impose rishtas that they don't find attractive or compatible. The way that issue of marriage is handled by some parents.......that "settling down" with an unattractive/incompatible guy may not have been done so....willingly. Given greater choice......perhaps the outcome may be in more accordance with their criteria. Not saying that this is the case with everyone.....but it's not unreasonable either....to factor this not so uncommon occurrence/practice into the above quoted theory/question.

yes, thats true, but as rizla86 explained i was referring specifically to the scenario when women choose/approve a lesser attractive guy of their own accord for marriage...a guy she would never have considered for a casual affair when she was having her 'fun'

for eg: in my life so far, i have had a reasonable number of opportunities to have committed relationships with women of comparable standards.. women in my college, university, workplace etc.. but i doubt any of these women would even consider me if they wanted to have a fling or casual sex. for that, they could easily go to the best looking guys in proximity.

"Good looking people tend to attract other good looking people."

ya, but even a regular looking woman who is nothing special can attract goodlooking men to have 'fun' with.

[Bride2012]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

@abubakrrizvi

why do you keep bringing in the married woman.

why cant two single people have an affair.

and dont talk about extremes. im not saying women marry men they are not even remotely attracted to. im saying that NOT MANY women can look at their husbands and say that she would have had considered him for a casual affair in college.

A lot of people on this forum is from outside pakistan so maybe u should use the word dating instend of affair so people dont misunderstands ur post? Since having an affair in the west means that u are cheating on ur spouse or ur partner

[Bride2012]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

@abubakrrizvi

yes, thats true, but as rizla86 explained i was referring specifically to the scenario when women choose/approve a lesser attractive guy of their own accord for marriage...a guy she would never have considered for a casual affair when she was having her 'fun'

for eg: in my life so far, i have had a reasonable number of opportunities to have committed relationships with women of comparable standards.. women in my college, university, workplace etc.. but i doubt any of these women would even consider me if they wanted to have a fling or casual sex. for that, they could easily go to the best looking guys in proximity.

"Good looking people tend to attract other good looking people."

ya, but even a regular looking woman who is nothing special can attract goodlooking men to have 'fun' with.

Actually I agree with u that mostly women marries someone who isnt that goodlooking BUT that doesnt mean she doesnt find her husband attractive sex is meaningless without love and it has nothing to do with looks. When a person are only looking for fun doesnt matter if u are a man or a woman than u look for meaningless sex but when u wanna get married u look for love and as they say love is blind

[Niksik]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

@abubakrrizvi

although it appears to be a universal trend, in pakistani society its even more pronounced.

when women want to have a casual affair, their standards for mens looks and charm are very high, so much so that a woman will only consider a casual affair with a man who is really attractive and charming. the vast majority of men simply wont meet her standards for what constitutes a man that can elicit that kind of a relationship with her.

however when settling down, their standards become more equitable, more comparable, sustainable i say.

I see

[Sara516]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

@abubakrrizvi

firstly, dont perpetuate a false dichotomy that a goodlooking guy will always be devoid of personality and relationship qualities.

there is nothing inherently wrong with maturing (its convenient to women though) if its a conscious decision to change ones priorities, which is the case with most women who are intelligent enough.

but for some women its not an intended change in priorities and maturing, rather a its disappointing phase of coming to terms with the harsh reality that just because she could have affairs and sex with goodlooking men doesnt mean she can get them to commit as well.

i have seen women who do get bitter about this. women who based their expectations on the kind of men they could get for flings and casual sex. only to find out those men are so unattainable for commitment. these are the women who resent the studs and player kind of guys. i can see so many young women like this in our society today.

Yeah nowhere did I say where a good looking guy si devoid of personality and relationship qualities

You say there’s nothing wrong with maturing, yet dismiss it as “convenient to women”, which really makes it sound as if you believe they are resigning themselves toa life of disappointment, when that’s not always the case.

No woman willingly marries an ugly man, yeah she may not marry a supermodel but she’s not going to marry a totally ugly dude either.

I just don’t see what the big deal is, men have always had seemingly ridiculous standards (demanding virgins while they go after anything wtih a vagina), and so do women. It’s not going to change.

[Reha]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

@abubakrrizvi

well lets keep the discussion general.

not necessarily referring to a married womans standards. married or single, when a woman wants a casual affair, her standards for mens looks are very high. higher than what she can expect to get when she is settling down.

If I attempt to put myself in someone else's shoes...well...if I were to have an affair...it would have to be someone good looking. And why not? There is no shortage of decent looking men so why cant we have our pick?

You're having an affair...its already wrong on every level...so if you're doing something wrong might as well do it right.

Its like having a double cheeseburger with diet coke...why bother with a diet coke? Might as well get a regular coke.

@abubakrrizvi

why do you keep bringing in the married woman.

why cant two single people have an affair.

and dont talk about extremes. im not saying women marry men they are not even remotely attracted to. im saying that NOT MANY women can look at their husbands and say that she would have had considered him for a casual affair in college.

Marriage is different. Like many men date anyone and everyone in college and when it comes time for marriage demand a virgin or someone pious or virtuous. Because they also know in marriage, its not about simply looks anymore...other things have to complete the package.

[NomiCA]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

nava nava aaya hai bechara…

[abubakrrizvi]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

@Sara516

Yeah nowhere did I say where a good looking guy si devoid of personality and relationship qualities

You say there’s nothing wrong with maturing, yet dismiss it as “convenient to women”, which really makes it sound as if you believe they are resigning themselves toa life of disappointment, when that’s not always the case.

No woman willingly marries an ugly man, yeah she may not marry a supermodel but she’s not going to marry a totally ugly dude either.

I just don’t see what the big deal is, men have always had seemingly ridiculous standards (demanding virgins while they go after anything wtih a vagina), and so do women. It’s not going to change.

goodlooking guy - ugly guy.
thats a false dichotomy youre presenting there. there can be mediocre looking guys, reasonable looking guys and decent looking guys in between. for the purposes of casual f***ing, only the top quality is relevant to women and some women get dissapointed when they cant get ‘THAT quality guys’ to give them more than sex. i wouldnt call that ‘maturing’

yes, men, specially in pakistan have different standards for womens character/past when choosing wife and when choosing a sex-buddy. that is a well documented and acknowledged phenomenon, one that men are reminded of every now and then and one that i have no problems acknowledging. its just that i think women are never reminded about how their preferences affect men. womens biases when it comes to dating,sex and relationships are not pointed out as often. and the ‘big deal’ is to understand how our preferences affect the other gender.

i say its convenient to women because in the end. most women do get both their purposes fulfilled. they can have the fun with the best looking guys and get commitment with men who are stable and have long term qualities albeit lesser attractive. most men dont get to have both options. commitment is the only way for men who dont look like models, if they are to get any physical intimacy with women. think from a perspective of a regular looking guy who isnt keen on commitment and marriage …he is bound to get sexually suffocated.

ofcourse not all women have casual relationships specially in our society, but whether you deny it or not, we are becoming increasingly sexually liberated as a society…specially a certain segment of our society one that i consider myself to be a part of. too bad most men never get to reap the benefits of that liberation.

[Jaanwar]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

^ Banned?! Could you guys not have waited until he managed to find him a casual muck off of GS? Or at least a decent wank? Y'all are going to hell for this. Every last one of you.

[CM]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

LMAO!

[NomiCA]

Re: women : do you have different standards for mens looks, for affairs & commitment

any one who disagrees is banned in an instant…i am disappointed