wo chala gayaa mujhe chhoD ke.....

Arts & Culture Poetry ( Intikhaab & Sho'ra-e-Gupshup)
1

apnaa dil kabhee bhii cheer ke, oos shaksh ko dikhaa na saka
wo chala gayaa mujhe chhoD ke, aur maiN waapas bula na saka

na jameeN kabhee thamee yahaaN, na aasmaaN hii gira kabhee
na maiN hii mar gayaa dard se, oos ko bhii kabhee bhula na saka

ye kisi ka asar e dua hii tha, jo tu mil gaya sar e raah mujhe
mujhe etna mila tere ishq meiN, kabhee haath phir uTha na saka

oose aaNdhioN ka shauq tha, mujhe oos mein choD ke chala gayaa
meri aankhoN mein etnii dhool jamee, main ashq bhii bahaa na saka

ye jag ki puraani reet hai, nahiN kuchh haath meiN mere sanam
jo daali shaakh se TuT gayee , oos pe phool koii khilaa na saka

kal toofaaN hii etna shadeed tha, main mauzoN meiN bhatakta rah gaya
ye chaand bhii woheeN mauzood tha, wo bhii mujhe bachaa na saka

wo munsif hi nahin mera yaar bhii hai, mujhe oos pe aitbaar bhii hai
par wo sazaa suna ke chalaa gaya, aur mera zurm bhii bataa na saka

mujhe oos ne etne zakhm diye, meri rooh bhii rahti hai Thakii huee
maine laakh koshisheN kar lii magar, apnii nazar se oose gira na saka

jab doobtii thi apnii kashti e ishq, wo safinaa choD ke chalaa gaya
kahte haiN saahil door na tha, lekin maiN raasta hii paa na saka

By Pramod

2

waah parmod gi bohat khoob :k:
n welcome back :flower1:

3

wow parmod each sher is beautiful:k::k::k:
thanks for sharing and keep it up ur excellent work:flower1:
aur haan welcome back:hula:

4

:salam:
gotta print thiz :d:D:D
very nice pramod :k:

5

great choice:k:

6

Re: wo chala gayaa mujhe chhoD ke…

Pramod bohat khoobsoorat ghazal hey:k: Baat kehney ka andaaz bhi acha
hey aur lafzoN ka chunaao bhi. Ziada-tar fiqroN mieN rawaani mojood hey jo ke
intehaai ahem cheez hey. My only suggestion is that you used “na” as second-last
word in every qaafya. If you make it third-last than it may, according to my sense,
will read a little more better. For instance:

** ye kisi ka asar e dua hii tha, jo tu mil gaya sar e raah mujhe mujhe etna mila tere ishq meiN, kabhee haath phir na uTha saka

or

kal toofaaN hii etna shadeed tha, main mauzoN meiN bhatakta rah gaya
ye chaand bhii woheeN mauzood tha, wo bhii mujhe na bachaa saka

**

I hope you wont mind my opinion. Overall this is something
wonderful from your pen. Thanx for sharing with us. Keep it up:)

7

honsla afzaai ke liye aap saboN ka bahot bahot shukriya Chand jii,Galaxy,Sherni and GKK.

8

Re: Re: wo chala gayaa mujhe chhoD ke…

Amal,

First of all, thanks a lot for all your words and you know what do these words mean to me. It helps me to belive in myself in this field.

Your suggestion to make ‘na’ as the third last word in my kafia is also a wonderful suggestion. I have started thinking about it and liked it too. It will improve the bahar , I feel. Don’t feel hitch to give such valuable suggestions.
Thanks once again.

9

very nice.:k:

10

Beautiful..

its goin rite into ma diary :D

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achee hei likhtei rahen :)

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Re: Re: Re: wo chala gayaa mujhe chhoD ke.....

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Pramod: *

Amal,

First of all, thanks a lot for all your words and you know what do these words mean to me. It helps me to belive in myself in this field.

Thanks once again.
[/QUOTE]

Pleasure is mine:)

13

honsla afzaai ke liye aap logon ka bahot bahot shukriya MQ,XkanwalX and MM

14

Buhat Khoob:flower1:

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very nice :(

16

Bahut umdaah …:k:

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thanks a lot shoki,XChorniX and Amarbail for liking the ghazal and appriciating it.

18

v nice :k: thanks 4 posting..:slight_smile:

19

Nice Pramod Gi... :biggthumb

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honsla afzaai ke liye aap dono ka bahot bahot shukriya paglee and Golden_Scorpion