Hey guys, I need a little bit of serious advice from you all. I feel upset about how my husband and mom’s relation is. Both my mom and I feel that my husband acts rudely with my mom. They both work and manage the family store so at work there may be some ups and downs. I asked my husband why he talks so rudely, acts inconsiderate, and ignores my mom.. He said its cuz at work my mom told him to do some work.. and he didnt like that. He likes to be left alone while working and do his own thing. I cant believe he is acting so temperamental. My mom is not a mean person.. actually lots of guys my husband’s age come and talk well with my mom.. its just my husband who has issue.. and also he says, she is my saas so i have to be reserved with her.
Will it always be like this (its been a year since marriage)? I look at other husbands and how sweet they are with mil.. and i feel sad. I feel bitter with my husband for being rude with my mom. I feel that him being mean to my mom gets in between my relationship with him also.
should i talk to my husband about this? what should I tell him? He already knows that it hurts me.. but he’s like I dont want to talk cuz it will cause more tension for me. and i want a peaceful life.
What should i do?
Re: wise advice needed
why dont he finds work somewhere else cuz ghar ki murgi daal braber?
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I agree with Zobia...why dont he work somewhere else....my dad always say never employ your releatives or else if you tell them to do some work, they get offended...
Re: wise advice needed
tell him to respect your mother as he expects you to respect his parents
Re: wise advice needed
I know how you are feeling goga 
I agree with zobia & princess that ask him to find work else where. But you will have to talk with him either about him being rude with your mom or him finding a new job. I fear that an idea for finding a new job will bring alot of doubts and negative feelings from your husband. He can then comeup with many other things. If I were you I would have a talk with him and politely request him to be kind to mom. Forget that she is his saas , he should atleast respect her for being an elder. But HONESTLY your husband working with you mom in the long run is not a very good idea.
I really hope and pray that things get better for you.
Ya we have considered him working other places.. He is getting lots of luxury at the family place. he goes late and family is there to cover his lateness. He takes off on random days and they accomodate. Yet he is so unappreciative
First of all, he needs to find a place to work, which he doesnt do. He doesnt have US bachelors degree so whatever job he finds will be like chauffer or gas station... which I dont want. It upsets me that he has it so well working at the shop but doesnt appreciate. He has the boss position, whereas if he goes other place he will be the worker.. why doesnt he realize?!
My parents are quiet cuz they are giving him time to settle in but he is just taking advantage of their niceness.
i am so sad and confused about what to do. I am stuck in the middle.
Re: wise advice needed
I am sorry for my words but your husband is being a typical damad and he is a user. He is using your & your family's kindness and taking everything for granted bcuz he has married their daughter.
anyway, my advise is let him work in some gas station or at some other place for few days then may be he will be able to realize what sort luxuries and respect he is getting by working at your parent's store and how much your parents are being nice with him.....you knw what they say in urdu "aqal thikanay anay do " and when he gets a taste of REAL WORK then he can join your family business back . I am sure after working some where else he will appreciate you & your parents.
Re: wise advice needed
Who is the boss at the store? do they manage it at equal level or is their any managerial hierarchy? They need to follow that protocol at the store. Also your mom should treat him like a co worker at work and not like her son in law.
ya, u are right. I feel that he shud work some place else and learn his lesson. and learn to appreciate. He is a very nice husband to me. but when it comes to the work and my parents he is mean.. so i dont know what to think of him.. is he a good husband or bad???
at the store.. dad is boss he has been running business for 30 years now. he is experienced and his goal was to bring my husband into the business and teach him everything soo that in the long run my husband wud be able to run it. but he showed no interest. so my dad was disappointed but said let him do whatever he wishes.. and said dont disturb him.
he is also related to both my dad and mom.. dad's cousin.. mom's cousins son.. but now husband thinks this is sasural.. so i have to act like this.. which turns out to be stuck up and mean.
so this is how a damad acts??! sheesh.
Re: wise advice needed
I will give you some wise advice without charge. You seem to have a lot of resentment towards your man. Just because he has joined your family business doesn't make him any less of a man to you. Sort yourself out and give him the due respect that he deserves. Be respectful towards him and he will reciprocate.
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^i dont agree.
Sorry goga, excuse my language, but seems like 'sar char gaya hai'...even though he is working in a family business, and it doenst make him less of a 'man'..but thats not the issue here. The issue is respect. If ANYTHING, he should be respecting your parents MORE for the opportunity they have provided him.
I understand its a sticky situation for you, and since he is nice to you and all, then you should talk to him about getting a job elsewhere. Let him work the gas stations. Its not like hes really putting in effort for your family business, so wont be such a loss to let him go. But if YOU side with him working at the fam store to get the luxuries and not have a hard time (as he would at a gas station), then he will expect it, and simply be used to it.
Re: wise advice needed
I will give you some wise advice without charge. You seem to have a lot of resentment towards your man. Just because he has joined your family business doesn't make him any less of a man to you. Sort yourself out and give him the due respect that he deserves. Be respectful towards him and he will reciprocate.
can you respect someone who mistreat your parents and speak rudely with them ?
her husband has to prove himself to be a man by working with full commitment & honesty even if his work place happens to be his SUSRAL'S FAMILY BUSINESS.
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I do understand that this is life1 and hence anything that disagrees with the female perspective stands iniquitous and incorrect. However, this is just her side of the story and she is very obviously resentful of him, being a woman she must be passive aggressive towards him; yes he is helping out her father in their family business but that doesn't mean he has to be a neutered pet. If he is being bitter then something must have been said, unless he has a loose screw in the head. If she doesn't give him the due respect and communicates openly and politely, the way she should with her husband, about her concerns, well he can't be blamed for being bitter.
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I kind of understand what janwar is trying to say....it does feel odd like how can you respect a man who is not respecting your parents....first of all...lets understand a fact that men wants to be respected like we women do...so try to see things from his perspective...he is working with your parents and i figured out from your post that its your family business right?...so what i am seeing...he does have that feeling that your folks are doing "ehsaan" on him and we all know ehsaan wali baat really hurts a man's ego and self-respect...and there is a chance that your mother had said something to him in a negative manner....or he had taken her words in a negative manner....so first stop making him feel that you are doing favor to him by giving a job at your store as he cant get a proper job because he doesnt have a US bachelor degree....and try to see things from his perspective as well...but keeping everything aside ....he should respect your parents and respect should be given to him by you and your parents.
and ya you said he is good to you, so that means he is a nice person so something must have happened between your parents and him which had made him change his attitude towards your mother...men are really sensitive about respect /ego etc...nothing is wrong in taking care of their sensitive side...and the option for you would be that you ask him to change his workplace
Re: wise advice needed
^ Finally someone who understands a thing or two about men.
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^ you just want to BELIEVE that she is wrong and he is a shareef insaan and that her parents must have said something to make him behave that way. He is a man so you won't call him rude right?
and I do understand that this is life1 and hence anything that disagrees with the male perceptive here stand iniquitous and incorrect to some of the very well known men here .
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The first part reminded me of X-Files (I want to believe). And the second part reminded me of David Guetta's 'F*** me I am famous'. Guetta is brilliant aint he.
Re: wise advice needed
I kind of understand what janwar is trying to say....it does feel odd like how can you respect a man who is not respecting your parents....first of all...lets understand a fact that men wants to be respected like we women do...so try to see things from his perspective...he is working with your parents and i figured out from your post that its your family business right?...so what i am seeing...he does have that feeling that your folkjs are doing "ehsaan" on him and we all know know ehsaan wali baat really hurts a man's ego and self-respect...and there is a chance that your mother had something to him in a negative manner....or he had taken her words in a negative manner....so stop making him feel that you are doing favor to him by giving a job at your store as he cant get a proper job because he doesnt have a US bachelor degree....so try to see things from his perspective as well...but that does not take away the point that he should respect your parents and vice versa...
and ya you said he is good to you, so that means he is a nice person and there is something happened between your parents and him which had made him change his attitude towards your mother...men are really sensitive about respect /ego etc...nothing is wrong in taking care of their sensitive side...and the option for you would be that you ask him to change his workplace
well if he can't get a good job on the basis of his ability and he got a job in her wife's family business just because she is his wife and not because he was qualified enough for it then that is really an ehsaan on him from her family.
thats why I said he should change his job and get the one which he truly deserves based on his qualification , experience and abilities.
However , before things get bad speak with him too and your parents too and request your parents to treat him with respect and request him to treat your parents with respect.
Re: wise advice needed
well if he can't get a good job on the basis of his ability and he got a job in her wife's family business just because she is his wife and not because he was qualified enough for it then that is really an ehsaan on him from her family.
If my wife thought like that, I would tie her to the bed and burn the house down. Then claim insurance on her and the house and marry a blonde bimbo. The American dream!
Re: wise advice needed
^ truth is mostly bitter and hence the above cited reaction :)
honestly speaking , I work for a seth khatta company ( a family business) I can very confidently say that they are multi billionaires and still making millions every day BUT their children both sons & daughters work like a EMPLOYEEs and not like owners in their own business. If we work 8-9 hours they work 10-12 hours & even on the weekends. I don't believe that just because your work place is a family business then you should get relaxation and treat anybody the way you want. People who don't realize this and don't value their work always suffer in the end.