Re: Will you refuse a girl if…
Remember that video about “Why men and women can’t be friends”? Every woman in here would flip if she found out that a coworker was hitting on her husband, yet refuses to acknowledge that most (but definitely not all) guys who hang around women would sleep with them if given the chance, especially if said woman is attractive. Not saying that every guy hits on a woman he finds attractive, but sexual thoughts definitely do cross the mind.
Second point, in talking about neeyat, is that you assume people are self aware. Most are not, and fall from platonic to romantic without realizing it. This goes for both men and women. If you read papers about the (relatively) recent phenomenon of cheating at work, the frequency of time spent together, and whether said time is spent alone, are key factors.
Now, should those who can control themselves and their interactions have to adhere to strict segregation because a lot of us can’t? I don’t think so. There’s nothing wrong with friends of the opposite sex but let’s not pretend that boundaries aren’t necessary, and in a lot of cases, it would be better to drop certain friends. I suppose that the extremely conservative hold the view that it’s better to avoid such situations altogether.
And again, to go back to the original question, I personally don’t see anything wrong with lunches with coworkers but if someone does, that’s okay. They’re entitled to that view, just as long as they don’t start insinuating things about another person’s character based on that.