I just think that if you find your spouse (or in this thread a SIL) of somehow being disrespectful/inappropriate because of casual work lunches then the problem isn’t with them doing it necessarily, it’s with your insecurities about your marriage or possibly yourself.
If you suspect them actually engaging in inappropriate behavior outside of the work setting - in your example phone calls and an over friendly personal relationship - that’s of course an issue because there’s a clear line between what’s appropriate and what’s not. In my opinion. But that doesn’t mean all and every lunch is inappropriate, I think you have to consider a persons behavior over having lunch together.
[/QUOTE]