We had two healthy boys. My wife wanted a girl too. So we tried and Alhumdulilaah my wife got pregnant. Then in Illinois as per state mandate we were asked if we want to go for down syndrome screening test of the fetus . I and my wife refused telling them that we do not believe in abortion so there is no point. We will be happy whatever Allah gives us. So our beautiful little angle like girl was born, normal , healthy and pretty. She is 9 years old now Mashallah.
X2 ... I've always had such a tough time replying to your situation in the rare times you talk about it. It is so far beyond what anyone should have to endure and my heart just breaks over the whole thing.
Your babies were always in the hands of God/Allah though. And while they were allowed to be in your hands for a few hours, He called them back and thats His perogative.
I'm so glad that tough decisions were taken out of your hands and put into the hands of the One Who Decides all things. And may they both be at the gates of heaven waiting for you when its your time to go there.
Like X2 said, if there is a threat to mother's life, it becomes a separate issue, but other than that, if the fetus is more than 40 days old, I guess I wont allow the doctors to mess with it. I would rather raise a disable child, than to go through that trauma of what if the doctors were wrong.
I know that its easier said than done, but if the decsion is left to me and there is no medical danger to child of mother (other than having a disable kid), I would never get rid of him/her.
Mo3 thanks for your kind words. I just wanted to share the story for people to understand that a lot of this is easier said than done. although I suppose in case of a pregnancy terminated at whatever stage you probably dont get to hold the child/fetus or parts really as they are in later term abortions. That would be massively traumatic.
Ira- I think you can relate to some of it, so it may strike a chord. its a tough thing but that was in our fate.
appreciate the sentiments sgc.
I was trying to explain how decisions like these are tough, and while I was spared from makingthe decision, I suppose it can haunt ppl for ages.
Others, I dont want to seem rude, I appreciate the sentiments, I really do, honestly, but please let the thread continue, I dont want it to go offtopic. I do appreciate the kind thoughts though.
As my sister's youngest son got some skin problem after few months and got worst with time so the nurse asked my sister do you want me to give him injection to get rid of the problem.
My sister said no. I can imagine how she must have felt. As she can't even live a single day without her kids.
She is still having problems in raising and taking caring of him but Alhamdolillah he is still surviving but sometimes it becomes worst. She and we Always hope one day he will get rid of those problems and become a normal person Insha Allah.
How cruel these gorays are. Allah will reward my sister for raising her. I know sometimes she loose hope but she don't say or express but while talking over the phone I can understand from her voice and she is such a strong lady. The strongest person in my family.
That boys is genius way more genius in all her kids. Allah ussay sayhatyaab karay ameen.
My eldest boy is considered a "special needs" child which I guess is what we're talking about here...
I have to say that I went thru all the testing ...and more than usual due to my infertility treatments, high-risk pregnancy and age. I may (or may NOT) have aborted if we found downs syndrome or other severe malady. But one thing I have to say is that this boy has been the sunshine of our lives. He will not be an engineer, doctor or lawyer when he grows up...but whatever he ends up doing, whatever he finds his niche in, he will always enjoy life to the fullest and find happiness in all that he does.
Its hard having a special needs child, it takes time and perserverance and I've had to grow a thick skin to fight for him which was a struggle for me at first. So he taught me some very valuable life lessons. Same with his brothers, my younger 2 are just amazing about dealing with people who are "different". Imagine a 5-year old telling a 9 year old "Dont you call him weird. He's just different."
Life without my special boy is just unimaginable. He has blessed us and the planet in so very many ways I cant begin to count.
Awwww mama lots of hugs and prayers for your lovely son and you too.
The closest we came to facing such a decision was when we lost our twins in 2004. one baby's gestational sac had ruptured and begum was on bed rest and being monitored. Docs view was that he did not think we can make it to a safe zone i.e. around 30 weeks and he recommended that we terminate the pregnancy, his opinion was that we could prolong it just enough that the hospital would have to do everything to save them but since they would be very premature and there would be a very very high chance of all sorts of physical and developmental issues. The sad thing is that it was half truth and they really could have done more to take us into safe zone if they did more than bedrest, but thats a whole diff story.
we talked and my pragmatic side took over and I was thinking about it, begum wanted to leave it and see how things transpired.
The decision was taken from our hands when the infection spread and she got really sick, and to save her life they had to induce labour. it was a few days before the children would be in a zone wher they would be given life support. So we knew that we will have whatever time we will have with them, their lungs were not developed enough to help them make it on their own.
so I held them both one after another as they took their first and last breaths in the short life they had with us in this world.
Having been through that experience, the one thing I am thankful for is that the decision was taken from me. I am not sure how I would have lived with myself had I convinced begum to terminate the pregnancy and gone through the same experience knowing that it was due to my decision and that I did not give them a chance.
I didn't understand Last paragraph You mean it was not your decision or your decision? I'm confused.
Oh my Allah that would be very painful when seeing your two kids dieing in your hands. I don't think you would ever forget that seen.
But X2 you are lucky that they will welcome you in Jannat Insha Allah.
Koi baat naheen Insha Allah Allah aap ko bohat pyaray aulaad day ga.
You mean an injection to help his skin problems right?? I cant imagine the doctor would give an injection to actually end his life because of a skin problem??
As my sister's youngest son got some skin problem after few months and got worst with time so the nurse asked my sister do you want me to give him injection to get rid of the problem.
My sister said no. I can imagine how she must have felt. As she can't even live a single day without her kids.
She is still having problems in raising and taking caring of him but Alhamdolillah he is still surviving but sometimes it becomes worst. She and we Always hope one day he will get rid of those problems and become a normal person Insha Allah.
How cruel these gorays are. Allah will reward my sister for raising her. I know sometimes she loose hope but she don't say or express but while talking over the phone I can understand from her voice and she is such a strong lady. The strongest person in my family.
That boys is genius way more genius in all her kids. Allah ussay sayhatyaab karay ameen.
You mean an injection to help his skin problems right?? I cant imagine the doctor would give an injection to actually end his life because of a skin problem??
I mean to kill him.
Nurse was offering my sister for saving her from all that stress. She asked to get rid of him by killing him through injection. If she would be in Pakistan my sister have killed her. lol
mom of 3 ...and parents of special kids. you all must be sooo high in courage that Allah puts such responsibility on you.. X2 my heart just bled reading abt you twins. oh the pain i can feel but am sure cannot feel your pain. may Allah bless you and your wife
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.And may they both be at the gates of heaven waiting for you when its your time to go there.
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i never thought/imagined that human babies were killed by injection...how horrible. Ipray no parent has to go through that. ameen
It's a touchy subject, because you can never guarantee what happens.
It has happened a good five times in my family that someone was told that their child would be born with Down's Syndrome. All 5 babies, Masha'Allah, are 100% healthy and normal.
So imagine....it was a choice and what if they had taken the choice to end the pregnancy? Those healthy babies would not be in the world.
I didn't understand Last paragraph You mean it was not your decision or your decision? I'm confused.
Oh my Allah that would be very painful when seeing your two kids dieing in your hands. I don't think you would ever forget that seen.
But X2 you are lucky that they will welcome you in Jannat Insha Allah.
Koi baat naheen Insha Allah Allah aap ko bohat pyaray aulaad day ga.
How many kids do you have now?
I meant that I did not have to make a decision, God made it for me.
due to the complications with the loss we were told we probably will not have kids.
we adopted twins in 2006, boy and girl.
It's a touchy subject, because you can never guarantee what happens.
It has happened a good five times in my family that someone was told that their child would be born with Down's Syndrome. All 5 babies, Masha'Allah, are 100% healthy and normal.
So imagine....it was a choice and what if they had taken the choice to end the pregnancy? Those healthy babies would not be in the world.
It's a tough choice to make.
happened to someone in my family too, thery were told the kid may have down syndrome, and she does not.
I meant that I did not have to make a decision, God made it for me.
due to the complications with the loss we were told we probably will not have kids.
we adopted twins in 2006, boy and girl.
The early tests for Downs Syndrome are absurdly unreliable - the nuchal sac translucency test and the blood proteins they look for...I dont know why docs continue to perform these tests.
I was told I had 80 percent chance or higher for downs with each and every one of my 5 pregnancies. The only way to tell with certainty is to do amnio (around 18 weeks) or CVS around 11th week. Some people go for this, some not. But if you go for those unreliable tests and are concerned about it then go for either amnio or CVS. Its best to be prepared when you have the advantage of knowing that your child will be special. There are so many more things you can have already in place at the time of birth like speech therapists, occupational therapists and physical therapists. In the states, all of these therapies are provided completely free of charge from birth till age 3.
Nurse was offering my sister for saving her from all that stress. She asked to get rid of him by killing him through injection. If she would be in Pakistan my sister have killed her. lol
This was AFTER the baby was born??? Isnt that illegal???????? Where was that?????
Dont mean to pry, but what was the "skin probem" that she offered to actually end the baby's life?????