a)difficulty getting pregnancy. have to resort to artificial insemination or IVF.
or
b) unable to bear children at all to unfortunate medical reasons.
To the guys, what will you do if this happens to you? Stay or leave? Children are a big part of a couple’s life.
I’m asking because I met two ladies recently who had some “issues”. One was my mother’s friend’s friend. She is unable to have kids but didn’t inform her husband about it before their marriage. (She had already known this) She later revealed it to her husband and they adopted a daughter. Second, is a friend who is in her twenties but dr has said she had to probably go for an IVF. husband is supportive, alhamdullilah.
But not every male (or his family) may be supportive of adoption and IVF, sadly. I’ve read reports of women getting divorced over this issue and it truly is upsetting.
Are men able to live with the fact that they may not be having children at all if they are married to their wife?
As someone who has gone through all of the above, reading your post makes me appreciate my husband even more. He was wary of IVF for one reason only.....he couldn't bare to see me in pain or have to inject myself month after month and deal with all the invasive procedures. He was so worried about me and the emotional and physical tole, he said he'd rather remain childless than see me in pain.
Allah ka lahk lahk shukar hai ke he supported me each and every step of the way and never once made me feel inadequate or at fault.
since it's none of her fault, there is no reason to divorce her. i'll stay with her all my life. she needs support rather than be shunned by her husband.
I would not. The same thing could have happened to me and I would not want my wife to leave me because I am infertile. Things happen ... I would probably look into adoption or something like that or die trying but never leave her.
People are different and priorities are different. Children are, for most people, a huge deal. I don't think I'm in a position to look down upon anyone who choses to not stay with their spouse because he/she wants children - I've heard of cases where the woman has left if the problem was with the man, which obviously isn't that common among desis.
So long as the same guy who says he would leave his wife or marry another woman if his first wife was childless would be just as understanding and non-judgmental of a woman who divorces her husband for his infertility - I guess, it's to each his own.
As much as you hope that love for your partner and their well-being is paramount, for some people the love and desire for a child is more important. Like Arzi said, who are we to judge if a person loves their child more than they love their spouse.
I agree with PCG on that, if she knew that she wouldn't be able to have children, for whatever reason, than I believe she had the moral obligation to let her husband know prior to marrying him so that he could decide if that is something he could live with and accept.
i agree that something like that shouldn't be hidden from your potential spouse. but also, in many cases, its hard to really know how infertile someone is unless she has tried to conceive for a long time but wasn't able to. so if the girl was never married before, how could she have known she was infertile? there are some issues like PCOS, or other hormonal issues which are symptomatic and can be known before you try to conceive, but in arranged marriages, you dont really discuss things to this extent. I dont think the girl is completley guilty here.
But apart from this lady's case, it's really sad that men would consider a divorce or second marriage simply because the woman is infertile. so glad my husband isn't like that. i know he really wants children but if i cant have any, he wont leave me.
I don't know how that lady knew it but I think she had problems with periods and all but I don't know all the exact details. All I know is that she knew she won't be able to have kids.
^maybe she thought she could have fertility issues but there are millions of women who have irregular periods, PCOS, hormonal imbalance. doesn't mean they are always infertile. unless one tries to conceive for upto 1 year without protection, they are not considered infertile, and there is no way to know if someone is infertile unless they have tried, which you wouldn't unless you have been married before. but even if she had a feeling she was infertile, its not that easy to discuss such things before marriage unless you're very close to your fiancee. in arranged marriages, there is no way you can ever bring up such a topic.