NJGal, that's all so sweet!!! The stories about the Syrian husband are cute---I lived in the Middle East and despite the tough reputation of some Arab guys I find that Arabs in general demonstrate much more affection to their spouses than what I've seen in desi culture where it's very taboo... In Jerusalem, Cairo, and Beirut I would sometimes saw newly-wed couples, clearly religious (the girl muhajjibah, the guy with beard sometimes), walking side by side holding hands. And I can definitely see the American convert guy being a mold breaker, but in a good way. A lot of the male converts I've met here in the US have been true 'Renaissance men' who have very good din but who also have a very helpful, egalitarian approach to the work of the marriage---which seems to me to fit the manner in which the Prophet treated his marriages!
Re: Will you allow your child?
NYCGori - It's true. It's not just Arab men it's arab women as well. They are very affectionate towards each other even in public. (where as us desi are taught not to espcially in front of in laws. I think it's adorable.
Also in Syrian culture - they love to feed you from their own hands. It's a sign of love and family bonding. My uncle was a bit wierded out when my cousin's father in law insisted that he take a bite of a food from his hand but you can't deny the warmth.
Re: Will you allow your child?
NJ gal thats sweet (esp abt sending ur husband :p)
Btw…just noticed the original post
why is it not a question for the boy? why only the girl? :aq:
Re: Will you allow your child?
I guess because it was UZ's daughter asking that question so she made a general statement.
But ya, why not for the guys :ASA:
Re: Will you allow your child?
I think it's easier for men to "marry out" than women. Shortly after we married, one of my husband's cousins married a Bosnian brother, and the family cut her off completely. It took almost 5 years before they reconciled. It is a terrible double standard.
Re: Will you allow your child?
Well, for one, Islamically, a man can marry a non muslim any of the religions that are of the "book" and can convert the others. Muslim girls cannot marry a non muslim regardless of his religion unless he converts to Islam first.
Re: Will you allow your child?
^reallyyyyyyyyyyyyy why only man can marry non muslim...i didn't know. i thought both have to convert to islam....
Re: Will you allow your child?
same, if the girl is not from one of the ahl-e-qitab then she has to convert. I hope I'm correct and apologize in advance if I am not.
i don't think we would have a problem with my daughter marrying a good muslim whose not a pakistani as long as i feel he's a good match for our daughter. besides, being a practicing muslim he must be from a good family as well. after all, our girls marry in to a family so there are many other things to look at. that being said, i would not instill that in her mind just yet, i will only tell her how i feel about this, when & if she ever asks me herself. i have an example of a pakistani friend born and raised in the U.S. married to a hyderabadi muslim in front me. she's happily married but she's made a lot of adjustments as well. hyderabadi food, traditions, customs, etc are very different from us pakistanis. even their urdu takes time getting used to. so i think sometimes having an intercultural marriage is harder than marrying among your own kind but of course it all depends and varies from person to person...
same, if the girl is not from one of the ahl-e-qitab then she has to convert. I hope I'm correct and apologize in advance if I am not.
i've heard that even if the girl is from one of the ahl-e-kitab, she still has to convert after the marriage.
Conversion for women of ahl-al-kitab is *not *a condition. The condition that is applied in the Quran is that the woman must be chaste/a virgin (see below.)
However, some of the stricter Islamic scholars argue that if you are living in a country where Muslims are the minority, that marrying from ahl al kitab for men is forbidden because the family will not have adequate Islamic grounding. In those conditions they recommend that the man must marry a Muslim or someone who will convert as a condition of the marriage.
*This day are (all) things Good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book, revealed before your time, when you give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues.
*
Re: Will you allow your child?
Whatever I answer now, I may not stick to that 20 years down the road but in principle we should have no problem if that guy/gal is practicing Muslim. Thats what I think I will do
Re: Will you allow your child?
Yes, that's what I heard nycgori.
Also, regarding the virgin part, a man is allowed to marry widows and divorcees so even the virginity part has flexibilities.
Niksik, so I guess 'chaste' could mean someone who has been chaste outside the bounds of marriage, not necessarily one who is still a virgin, right?
The Prophet, after all, married both Jewish and Christian wives, and at least in the case of the Jewish wife she was a widow. Though from what I remember there is some debate of whether Mariam the Copt did convert to Islam or remain Christian, and whether or not she was truly a wife and not a concubine.
But here I'm straying from our topic...
Re: Will you allow your child?
NYC, her name was Marya, and she was a gift to the prophet. While traveling to the Prophet she was accompanied by a sahaabi and her sister Sirin. Marya and Sirin converted during their journey and her sister married the sahaabi. The only reason I know this story is because my older daughter's name is Marya and we did a lot of research trying to find a name for my younger daughter. We wanted to name our little daughter Sirin but after consulting with a mufti, we were told that the story may be correct but there is no authentic source to confirm it and that we should rather go with a more well known name. So we named her Sara.
same, if the girl is not from one of the **ahl-e-qitab **then she has to convert. I hope I'm correct and apologize in advance if I am not.
but those Christians and Bani Israel dont exist anymore who followed the direct words of ALLAH SWT. (remember each messenger bring some kitab with him...but the four major ones are the ones we familiar with).
the current form of Torah, and Testaments, directly contradicts them being monotheistic religions.
ume api, all i can say is teach your daughters to focus on their studies. and also you will reveal them the reason why desi parents have problems with white and black guys when they are grown ups.
marrying is not the problem, it is keeping up with the relationship is the real deal.
cultural conflicts, language barrier etc etc.
...but then one must also not forget the Last Khutba of Prophet Muhammad PBUH.
Re: Will you allow your child?
Niksik, i like ur daugters names :)
Re: Will you allow your child?
sorry i knw i shudtn butt into this really sorry but how many desi muslim guys r good practicing muslims? 
Re: Will you allow your child?
i won't be happy if my kids marry outside our culture
Thank you!
That is a good question, but again not for us to judge I guess.
I hear you but like everyone said, as parents we need to be prepared and if it does happen, we shouldn’t consider it a bad thing.
But of course everyone has a right to feel whichever way.