If your child asks you can she marry a boy out of your culture?What will you do? My daughter was asking her dad yesterday can a girl marry an american boy or african american boy?Well we thought for a moment and then answered that if the guy is muslim we don’t have any problem but he should be practising muslim.What you guys think if your child wants to marry out of culture boy or girl will you allow that?
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I hope my daughter never asks me that question.
Buttttttttttt, if she does, I’ll ask her dad to answer it. 
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depends on the situation:hmmm:
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what do you mean by “depends on the situation?” The situation is that she is asking you…now what will you do
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^
well if she is asking now ,like when she s a child then we ll explain her .but if she is 18 or 20 and wants to marry a guy and we dont like him or he is not of our caste ,then the situation will be different nah.
Thats what I am asking if a guy is doctor or PHd and he is practising muslim but he is african american or converted muslim in that condition what will you do?Just say no because he is not in our culture :aq:
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I am seriously "okay" with my daughters marrying another muslim from another culture.
My husband is seriously "not okay"
We'll cross the hurdle when we get there.
well its ok with me ,if he is a practicing muslim ,chahai koi bhi hoo.african or chinease
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no man give her the belt treatment. She will never ask again. simple! LOL
I am seriously "okay" with my daughters marrying another muslim from another culture.
My husband is seriously "not okay"
We'll cross the hurdle when we get there.
i know im not a parent and shouldnt butt in but its interesting you say that--
in life1 (and real life im sure) we hear countless stories of how parent will not accept the child's choice of life partner, for reasons that migth seem silly to us. one of two things has happened, either hte parents never said anything that would lead the child to believe that they cant marry someone of their choice or from a particular background , in which case tey are totally wrong for not setting the "ground rules" OR the child knew from the beginning but still went ahead and did what htey wanted and when push came to shove..they lost. I think both are equally likely to occur. There are parents that make it clear from the start, that they will not accept a child-in-law of a different backgrond/ethnicity/religion etc, and the child wont cross that boundary.
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I really dont understand what the fuss is all about. I think my hubby and I have one of the richest and best relationships of most people that we know. There is nothing at all wrong with a bit of cultural diversity in family life, it does nothing but add to it.
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I have an interesting story Sara 516. I'll share it tomorrow.
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Waiting for tomorrow.
Re: Will you allow your child?
MO3, you are blessed and so are many others on this forum, and really at the end of the day, if our children are truly happy that's what we care about. But you know, it's quite natural to feel a bit sceptical if things are out of the norm. Could be because of the way we have been raised, could be because parents are always worried about their children making the right decisions. As much as I'd like to believe that my husband and I will be OK with it I know there will be an initial resistance, suspicion, skeptism, denial, but I just hope that we are reasonable and rational. I would hate to be an unjust and selfish parent and deny my child their love.
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Like Mo3, my husband and I have a beautiful and rich relationship, alhumdulillah, and we are both better people for being in an intercultural relationship. Our children are well-behaved (most of the time) and comfortable with their identities as muslims, and it has turned out well for us. Our biggest disagreements are the same as in most marriages, money, leaving the toliet seat up (or down), not picking up clothes, etc. Over the years my in-laws and I have reached a state of "mostly" peaceful coexistence. They've been living with us for the last year (almost time for my break - yeah!!) and we have settled a lot of our differences.
I agree with Sara, though, if you are so opposed then you need to indoctrinate your children from the time they are young, in the same way that I have raised my daughters to understand that they are not permitted to marry a non-muslim. However, I feel sorry for the children of parents with this kind of narrow-minded attitude.
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^ every family has the right to set their own boundaries (and of course..every child has the ability to attempt to break those boundaries), someone might say its narrow minded to not let ur daughters marry non-Muslims.....though i do have to say, personally narrowing it only to cousins/caste isn't really fair... =|
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I think that as long as as they are good muslims, and overall good qualities, then I myself would not have any major issues with it...I hope. But again, aside from the different culture....if there are red flags in the person, then obvioulsy i'll have something to say. My hubby on the other hand thinks ideal is same culture. We have a long way to go though...so time will tell. I do hope I am able to raise my son and soon to be newborn well enough, and teach them our values/morals etc so they can make a good decision which will be with our blessings. I would prefer my sn pick outhis own dulhan, as long as she is decent and he is happy......it'd make it much easier for me :)
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That is true, but unless the child is under 18 when getting married, he/she is an adult and has the right to marry the person he/she chooses. The parents can be upset, but Islamically and otherwise they don't have a right to interfere or cause trouble unless the person is not muslim.
I will be getting married in April insha'allah and mine will be an intercultural marriage. I have known my fiance for about two years and we've had time to be familiar with one another's character, expectations, etc. Like Mo3, I believe that we will have a really rich marriage that is enhanced by the wisdom and experience we bring from having two different upbringings. And I would have no problem with my children marrying either Americans, Pakistanis, or Muslims from any other background. The Prophet's very last khutbah dealt with the unity and equality of the ummah, and I believe very strongly that Islam actually advocates for the strengthening of the ummah through intercultural interactions, understanding, and yes, marriage!
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My cousins (three sisters) are all married in different cultures. I NEVER thought that my aunt and uncle would be so open minded but when the time came for their daughters to get married - there weren't any compatiable rishtay from pakistani guys.
The first one is married to an Indian Muslim guy from Hyderabad
The second one is married to a Syrian guy
The youngest one married a American convert
With the youngest one - my aunt tried soooo hard to get her married within her "sect" or "caste". She kept saying - mein apnay dada ko kia jawab do gien" but her daughters happiness was more important than creating a lineage. :)
Their marriages have the some set of challenges (eating spicy food) but it's also refreshing to see some beautiful aspects, rasams of other cultures embedded in their lives.
The oldest sister's kids speak Urdu in the most mannered way possible. (True "pukta" urdu using "hum" and "aap". (I want to sent my daughters to their house for a summer for training!)
The middle one's husband is the most romantic guy and is constantly holding his wife's hand in public. He calls her endearments in front of everyone. He feeds her with his hands. It's a part of their culture. (I want to sent my husband to their house for the summer :))
The youngest one is probably the most entertaining because he just breaks all the rules. He's my aunt's favorite because he is like a breath of fresh air. Always willing to help out. Will help her do dishes after a big party. Sends her on vacation. Goes to taraweeh prayers with a baby bijoun on so his wife can pray can peace.
As much as I love my culture - I just see wonderful examples around me that ensure me that if my daughters wanted to marry someone that were good to them and a good muslim - I would not have any issues.