However, all I can expect from parents is 'no! no! no! its haram! stay away from it' and the end of story.
Parents won't do anything to make it easy for her, such as getting her married sooner, or asking her if she has anyone in mind or if she's even interested to get married sometime soon.
It's easy for parents to lecture their kids about what's right and what's wrong. However, I don't see desi parents doing anything to make it better for her.
by the root …i meant the attitude of not correcing others when they are making an obvious mistake …
n please don’t get me wrong …i’m not saying everyone to jump on everyone for every wrong thing …but leave some room for parents at least …if not friends …
whatever is wrong is wrong …no matter who is doing it …we all make mistakes …but the healthy attitude is if we allow the people who love us to correct us …
i’m not saying her parents should take any extreme measures …in my view its just not good to expect parents to shut their mouth because she is a grown up…!!
as for the original question…i believe parents usually don’t hold grudges for a long time …most of the times they do forgive n forget …trust me , parents have extremely few options when it comes to their offsprings!
She should be got married immediately without further delay. You cant trust her anymore. The thoughts of it are living in her memory and these are dangerous. Right?
Afia - there is a limit to where parents should cross the line though.
This girl is in her twenties and is an adult. Maybe they could have handled it a different way than the way it was, but basically her sin is her own at that age.
The only way I would disagree with PCG is if she is in their house. That is simple manners, respect the rules of the house or get out. If they don't want that, she should obey. I would expect the same in my house, I pay the bills.
I can only feel sorry for such mentality! The money that you have for the bills is not yours in the first place. I wouldnt say such even when I am going to correct my servant’s behaviour.
sadiyah ....only time tells how good we prove ourselves in applying what we thought or said .....i don't claim to be a good parent .....but i'll reply what you can see as a wishful thinking....
i'm by no means an expert .....but Allah forbid if i ever get into situation like this ....i'll try to let her know why n how is it wrong to do so ....??? ..i'll ask her reasons for watching porn .....n will try my utmost to satisfy her concerns ....n will try to seek a compatible partner for her too.....
(we parents can not foresee the ultimate result ...but most of the time our efforts to raise good children are sincere without a doubt ....)
my aim is not to bring shame, pain or blame to my child .....but to help her see the right path .....n i'll do all to make sure i did my part
rest is in Allah's hands Who is watching ....n Who knows how sincere i was to make my child a living charity for us....i'm sure He'll not let my efforts go down the drain , InshaAllah
For some reason, I sort of find it odd that parents would want to advise her when she is 20+.
I'm sure the same parents must've been shy or hesitant in initially teaching her about sexuality and human growth back when she was 12-13 years old.
Usually at this age, most of us can tell the right from the wrong and I'm sure it has caused nothing but embarassment both for the girl and her parents.
anyways i would think women would be very averse to porn..considering how women are degraded in porno..so unless that girl wanted to know how to get gangbanged or see double penetration being eloquently done..no point watching it…nothing glorious going on for women..does she have no respect for herself?
No parents can live much long without loving their kids, and all kids break their trust (or make mistakes) at some stage or the other. It is not quite a normal incident to take place. But since all this has happened now, the only way to clear the mess up is that the girl must go to her mom and tell her that she actually watched the stuff, and it is very common for adults these days to get into this sort of things. If the girl don't want to do this, then she can say that he accidentally got the clips, watched it a little as if it was something else and forgot to clean up the PC.
Well watching some stuff (like in this case) either by intentions or by accident is not as bad a thing as lying with the parents. Lies directly affect your trust. If she had accepted in the very first time that she got these but was just going to get rid of it, the things must have been settled down at the very beginning.
It is not too late I guess. If she manages to inform her mother and say sorry to his dad for lying with him......every thing will be fine from the very next moment again
Its being over-projected. Its natural to seek such ventilations at her age. 100% of normal women would imagine about sex. If she has done that, she is not cursed. She does need counselling in order to get herself well guarded from the negative impacts of it. I would advise that her mother should take on the responsibility to counsel her and she can at the same time counsel her husband that their daughter has not committed a sin. In I slam, you are not a sinner until you commit one.
To be honest with you...lately, I have noticed that desi girls are not as innocent as they seek out to be. I have come across some very strange women myself lately. This particular girl is watching porn (if she is desi). In another instance, I just heard of one recently, who is actually making her own masterbation videos from her very own bedroom and sending them out to people over the internet. This is sick ! So, some of these girls are definitely not innocent. There is ALOT of stuff going on behind close doors that I believe parents SHOULD know about. If these girls are somehow frustrated, then they need to get married and have this problem solved. But to make videos of yourself and send them out in public to strangers, is just pure filth.
Parents need to play an active role in their child's raising, no matter how big the child is. If you live under their roof, they have a RIGHT to know about your life.
Also, and if these girls have no outlet, then they need to see what needs to be done so that they are not doing this stuff over the net.
I am very disturbed by some of these actions. Also, if you are going to do such things, dont lie about it ! Be an adult and face the consequences !
Zalim - the same would go for my servants and you bet your sweet little a$$ that what money that comes into my house is mine. If I work hard everyday, pay the bills, feed, clean, and live in MY home, I expect a person who is living there also to have some respect for MY rules. period.
If a person is over 18 and doesn't like it, then they can get a house/apt/whatever they wish to park their butt in where they pay the bills and do what ever their sweet little heart desires.
To all those who say there's nothing wrong with watching porn in youor 20s coz you're curious or whatever, gimme a break! It's just wrong. Seems like this girl made it a regular habit. Good thing her dad caught her, atleast she'll think twice about what she's doing now. As for lying to them, well yeah, denial is the best thing when it comes to dealing with desi parents, unless they're ultra lib.
Just tell the girl to confront her parents if she so desires. If not then it's her choice. Why make a fuss over it? If it was her OWN choice to begin with then why now the hesitation to tell the truth? She is an "adult" who is able to make her own decisions and frankly every decision has consequences. Now all she has to do is face the concequences like an adult she is.
Hmm i think also that's nothing wrong watching porno and about tellin her mom or dad the truth i think they know that she watch it dont underrate parents to much.
..why am i not surprised…