We’ve been good friends for almost 4 and a half years now,and pretty much want/wanted to get married.
He is a doctor,in his last year of specializing in Pakistan.It’s a long process,needs alot of patience.
During all this I’ve been quiet patient myself too.The salary they get is nothing one can live an easy life on,not until they become complete specialists and have worked in their field for some time afterwards.Hence i wanted him to try with getting registered in a country abroad,along with continuing here , for which i myself am working on.Needs alot of patience again.But in the end,you know all your hard work is worth it.So atleast a predictable financially secure outcome in my case InshaAllah.
He on the other hand for all these years hasn’t tried.Some times says yes he’ll try.Some times says no and that i should just settle here.That would mean my hard work and my parent’s money going down the drain.So sort of dragging me along(now that i realize).Although he was the one who encouraged me on taking that path in the first place.
We are mentally compatible,he’s a nice guy.Everyone has flaws,i understand.And i try getting along.I’m not all that perfect either.I can be myself with him.
His family: From a small town.They’re all doctors too but i think it’s more like earn and support yourself system.So maybe him not willing to do what I’ve suggested is more based on him not able to afford it.Understandable.He doesn’t ever say that he can not afford it etc etc
Mother and rest of family mainly quiet simple people in their living.Haven’t really interacted with them,only when they came with the proposal and my parents rejected it on basis of him not being settled and them being small town people,probably thinking how i’ll fit in their lifestyle.My parents didn’t know about me liking the guy,it was apparently meant to be an arranged thing.I wanted an arranged thing,because my parents don’t approve of all that other ‘crap’.
My family:They are the no non-sense people.They have been after me with the getting married soon thing.That’s another story.But in short,I’ve been delaying it all for him,until he gets done with specialization.So that my folks can then over look other factors that made them reject the proposal in the first place and accept it happily.I was maybe thinking on balancing out on keeping parents happy and at the same time keeping my thing with him too.Nothing better than an arranged thing in my parents’ eyes.eh?
I have rejected tonns of proposals,what better reason than me being busy with my exams and stuff.But major reason,buying him more time.
So my family is not happy with me that sense now either.“I’m getting old and won’t get more proposals now”.I’ve been lucky with getting many proposals,still get one every now and then.
I am a quiet person, i don’t know how to speak up to my parents.Maybe that’s the way we’ve been brought up.To top it all,loads of family issues going on every now and then.I’m tired.i want to relax now.Have my own life.I’m also tired of trying to keep them all happy so that they won’t bring up my shaddi issue every now and then.Thanks to my Mr-Perfect.
And never have i had the courage to tell my parents or even a sister/brother of mine that,hey i want to get married to a doc who isn’t earning.
So yes,i deserve the getting tired part.They’ll look at me like i’m an alien then.
Mother wants a Doctor settled abroad, financial security etc,like majority of them mothers want.Just like my elder siblings and their husband/wives.Won’t be hard for them finding a rishta once i approve.
So thing is,now my parents are facing major issues between themselves.Mother wants me married off soon.Lets say,I’m a major cause of tension for her too.
My Mr-lazy, did send the proposal 2 years ago,with out doing any proper home work.I’m particular about planning out and organizing things.
Anyhow,that didn’t work out.Guess we did the ‘lets take a chance thing and atleast get engaged’.
I haven’t spoken to him for a month,taking a break to clear up my mind.Probably snap out of the spell.
Should i just ask my mother to find me a desirable rishta and get over with this burden,or keep waiting for i don’t know how much longer for him!
Why not opt for an easier life.
All this waiting has just made things so lame. Now he says if you’re in a hurry.ok get married then.It’s only when i nagg him to his nerves that he says that.I don’t nag too much,only when i have to upset my whole family over and over again for him.
If i tell parents i like this guy,no assurance that they’ll get me married to him.Rejecting proposals wasn’t an easy job for me.I am a very flexible and an adaptable person,i know i’ll adapt to anyone else too.See I’ve even started mentally preparing myself for a breakup.But I just don’t want to hurt him either.It’ll take a long time to get him out of my mind.Just that, he is not giving our relation the desired input that it requires at this stage.Not assuring me that things will work out.But says he wants to be with me.
So dear guppies,what should i be doing next?
Sorry for the very long post and seeming like a very very intensely confused person.
Another year or two of waiting for what? Wasting more time on a man who doesn’t have the same future goals as you? Allowing yourself to get a little more older so other rishta prospects get a little harder to find?