Snowy Winter, a guy is greedy if he is marrying a woman so that she can pay off his loans. That isn't what marriage is about. Surely you know that.
PSquared, what you wrote isn't really new. I mean, people have had that kind of attitude for a really long time and I don't see it changing anytime soon. I think what Sheyn is talking about is people flat out asking what the girls salary is. It's rude. I think it's rude when people in our culture ask what a boy's salary is too. I mean, come on. If he's a doctor/lawyer or has his own place and is living independently, you know he is employed and has a decent income. Why do people need to ask this? I have a brother too and I wouldn't like it one bit if someone asked what his salary is. He, mashallah se, has a good job, has his own condo, is well established, that should be enough. Why the need to ask the salary figure?
That beign said, I have a girlfriend whose in-laws demand her paycheque from her ... and she doesn't give it to them. So you can imagine the kind of hell they caused in her life.
**Why is it that , that seems to play a critical role in the rishta market these days ? **
Its like they are looking for a money-making machine not a wife .......except of course they want her to be all things "wifely" as well !
For Guys : How does a girl's earnings affect your decision to propose !
For Girls : How do you feel being percieved as nothing but a bank balance ? something to increase their "personal wealth" !
I wouldn't look at the wifes earning at all. I would rather die of shame than to fall that low. Life without honour is nothing. Maybe I am just old fashioned.
Well technically, according to the principle of equality, if the girl's mom can say (without being judged) that "my damaad is a doc/eng/architect" then why can't the guy's mom say the same thing that "my bahu is a doc/eng/arhictect" ??
Thats why I think, saying that men = women is like comparing oranges and apples. They have different roles and no point in obsessing for trying to make sure that they are exactly the same down to the last detail. You see, you consider that when people talk of their bahu's of having a certain job/status you consider it wrong because its normal to consider the man to be the bread winner of the house.
I agree to your argument that its wrong to consider bahus as status symbols, but as long as we stay on the strict principle that women's role is necessarily equal AND same to men I can keep on counter agruing.
“If your father is poor than its your fate … But if your father-in-law is poor than its your stupidity” …
Marriage is a contract. Contracts are based on rationality. Rationality tell us to do cost benefit analysis. If women can do it than why can’t men. Its time for equality. If women think they can’t be money making machines than why men needs to be one. Good old days are gone. Now its pay back time. Nothing is for free.
I have actually seen such cases too but thanks Allah my husband to be is such a pampering machine and does not want me to go out and earn for him! and yes thats true girls whine in both cases whether the guy allows her to work or not! but being positive its good if he does NOT want you to work and girls should not say he is narrow minded when he does so rather they should appreciate his will of being protective towards his wife.
Well technically, according to the principle of equality, if the girl's mom can say (without being judged) that "my damaad is a doc/eng/architect" then why can't the guy's mom say the same thing that "my bahu is a doc/eng/arhictect" ??
Thats why I think, saying that men = women is like comparing oranges and apples. They have different roles and no point in obsessing for trying to make sure that they are exactly the same down to the last detail. You see, you consider that when people talk of their bahu's of having a certain job/status you consider it wrong because its normal to consider the man to be the bread winner of the house.
I agree to your argument that its wrong to consider bahus as status symbols, but as long as we stay on the strict principle that women's role is necessarily equal AND same to men I can keep on counter agruing.
If we go with your first paragraph, then all that will happen is we'll go in circles. See, desies always like to one-up each other. So, before we know it girls and guys are looking for astronauts and doctors are at the bottom of the barrel.
I agree they have different roles and have their own separate domains to manage. And yes, it is the man's job to be the bread winner of the house. Call me a cavewoman, I dont care. No, that doesnt mean I want to be a housewife but my money is extra money and shouldnt be depended upon to run the house. It should go into savings, emergencies or maybe some fazool kharchi every now and then. If we are struggling and I need to work, I get it. If we are struggling because he isnt trying, I dont get it.
The point is, I think its wrong for a woman's profession to looked at when marrying. She has to be a doctor, lawyer, engineer, etc. As long as she is educated, has the same goals or mentality as the guy...she is a great catch. What will the guys' families do with HER degree? Make a poster out of it?
Ok, then I guess we have absoluate agreement. Personally I believe that the main role of women should be to take care of the home and the kids. The husband should provide for the family. If the girl wants to work AND the husband doesn't mind, then its alright, but if the husband DOESN'T want her to work, then she shouldn't and just take care of the home.
If however, someone gives the argument that since women are exactly equal and SAME as men, and that they should be able to do a job if they want, then we will once again start the whole cycle......
hey I don’t mind giving a hand for dusting and dish washing. Vacume cleaner aor dishwasher ON kerke dena… means half job done.
PS: wah wah wah Mere Urdu-lish.
hahahahhahahahah
I need to learn more laughing emoticons, this is the only one I ever remember warna I would have liked to put the laughing rolling guy here
Anyways I never really heard of this, but I am sure it does exist among some people, because there are all sorts of weirdos out there. For myself, my husband never pressured me in any way to get a job and contribute. When I was working, sometimes I would complain about how tired I get and he would always tell me that he never wants me to feel obliged to work and to feel free to quit anytime if I am not happy. Now that I am not working, again he never has even hinted that he wants me to work. If ever I mention anything about going back to work, he always encourages me to do it if thats what will make me happy. So alhamdulillah for that!! I feel bad for girls who dont want to work but their husbands are pressuring them to do so just because they want the extra money at home. Of course its different if you NEED the money to keep food on the table, then I do think the wife should do what she can to contribute. But if you are comfortable on your husband's salary and the guy just wants you to work so he can have xtra money, then thats sad!
I was just thinkin that y these matters r not discussed before marraige. In arrange marriages ...its very easy...if u dont want workin wife...look for women who dont want to work ,dnt look for highly qualified women as they might want to make use of their qualifications by working (nt just for money...there r other reasons like self satisfaction) similarly gal's parents can talk to the incoming rishtas about their opinion that if they will allow the wife to work later .... people talk about so many useless things like caste,firka,jahez bla bla... y cant they clarify this....
And after kids every women ...workin or not .... they give top priority to their kids ( dont pick examples that I know one women who was sefish and didnt think of her kid... as black sheep r in both men or women...rare cases ...because parents love their children) so arrangement can b made later on by mutual understandin of the couple.... by the way both mother n father should take part in good upbringing of the kids...its not only the mother's duty(of course she has a major role).
In love marriages ...u pick ur life partner n it depends that wat is the level of understanding between u.... u can always talk n respect the wish of ur spouse.... I think its mature instead of pointing at each other that its ur duty n its mine duty.... both should make some compromises...
Nothing is wrong if a man want workin or house wife or if a woman wants to work or not.... not a big deal...
so wat r these arguments about.... ??? Understanding n respect for each other is a key of happy marriage ( or any other relationship) ....
Correct me if I m wrong :@:
Y ppl r assuming that whoever is having high qualification n good job its just for money… ppl have interests in certain fields n it give them pleasure n satisfaction to work in that area … to explore n learn more… at least I think this way… I get pocket money from my Father which is more than my pay n I do nothing with it( salary) usually take gifts for my siblings…
