Assalaam,
**She is my best friend and I am not sure what to advice her on a very tough cookie kinda situation. She got married last year. **
They had a good communication for past III years or so. Became the best of friends. Didnt date or meet each other, but kinda grew with the idea of becomming future partners.
Girl spends two years on making her family accept him.
She worked very hard and saved a lot up.
Invested in the name of future spouse in foreign country. She felt good
about him, trusted him totally. After “rukhsatti”, they moved to his country.
She lived with his parents for a month and he didnt seem interested in her,
though they were newly wed.
One day, she went to his flat where he had a roommate. She found nighties… Asking what it was all about, he got violent and beat her
twice. He took all her savings, she had with her. Didnt do the Walima
reception and neither did he register the marriage in his own country.
They only had an Islamic “niqah” certificate.
In-laws tried to talk sense in their son, but he was having an affair with
a newly moved girl from Pakistan to Western country. They were having pre-marital intemacy. She had been trying hard to** do official marriage for many months, but he felt guilty for his fiancee. **
**His fiancee had helped him to establish himself in new Business and it was running pretty good. But, he wouldnt make his now wife reg. business **
**partner/investor. However, the “awara” girl who was trying to destroy the home ****of a new wed, was being beaten by her own family for her bad behaviour ****and it did create a lot of dishonor in their neighbourhood. **
This “awara” girl kept comming at the doors of the couple. (Husband confessed his mistress was not virgin, when he began having close relationship with her) She was threatning with suicide etc. She was telling the bride, her husband slept with her and promissed to marry her. Husband was meeting his mistress and dating her outside. He expected his bride would tolerate it without makes fuzz about it. But then came a day, while talking with mistress at 3-4 AM and wife was begging hubby to stop his calls and drama (the mistress was pumping his ears that his new bride is so “badtamiiz”, she would be obidient if it was her). He kicked his wife in
stomach and she bled for 2-3 days, it had been early pregnancy of few weeks…
The couple moved out to different area, they find each other and become
**happy after all the turmoil. The mistress had told him, he should not have kids by wife neither bring her to same country…(she didnt knew wife was already in same country). They started meeting less and lesser. **
Wife were loving towards her in-laws and tried hard to keep the attention
of husband. She had left her famly and he had no understanding for her
wishes or dreams. As any woman, she had wished for honeymoon and romance, but instead of that, she was degraded and humiliated…
After living with husband nearly a month, they began to have financial problems with newly established business. She had paid for the deposits of flats and even furniture, it had been as he had no plan of saving up or providing for her. He had been busy with his mitress all the period, he had been engaged to his wife…
Lack of money, the wife played it out like this:
If I go back and earn several thousand of dollars, will you give
your words and NOT marry your sin(mistress)?
He had agreed to end it. So wife went back and started working again,
**but when she would call him, he would barely answer… **
He was always busy…
Then one night, she was yelling and cursing…she couldnt respect him for the way he was being man, he announed his second marriage…
He told her, she could do whatever she wanted.
He was getting married to his mitress, because her family had thrown her out in the night in winter without a coat and he had taken her home to them…
Two months of heavy lung infection, nervous break down, and major depression had nearly made her commit suicide. Her family was blaiming her for her choice…the ultimate sin of all in Muslim families…to choose your own partner, had now shown her the dark side of life.
She started further education, also to work part time…
She COULD NOT return to her husband, he could not afford a seperate
flat. He had given all the things and rights of first wife into the hands of
former mistress, now second wife. His family were deeply sorrowed over the shame he had bought over them. They still cant accept his second wife, she is very quick in replies…
But Allah is all seeing, all knowing…
Sins always follow like a shadow until you rest in your grave…
The husband got diabetes.
All the Business started went bankrupt.
The mistress got beaten several times, she thought she was clever. She got court marriage done, stopped the way of first wife, because she would need permit through registred marriage…second wife didnt need it, she had been sponsered. But after six months, mistress had miscarriage and lost one side of her tubes as well. When wife would ask why husband had been so cruel, he would be in denial of the afftect of the kick in stomach.
Now, husband is hand to mouth situation. He is barely able to pay his bills. As per Islamic law, he should send my best friend allowance money, because he remarried…right?
My friend is being total emotional. She doesnt want a divorce, even under such circumstances. I guess, she still loved him. They had long history of friendship… This is how friends turns to enemy…and how do you learn to stop loving them…answer in my real life story…
Her family wants her to get divorce right away. She has helped her husband several times financially without involving parents. But its almost an year now, he never calls her. Always keep his phone shut. Never remembers her birthday or even anniversiry day. He doesnt send her clothes, jewelries and stuff back to her. All the money he owes her, he doesnt want to pay it back, saying it was not part of the deal.
The deal was simple; they would get married, both former divorced, so
in a hurry to have kids and he was to support her for the period, she had supported him earlier when engaged…
She sends him money to avoid talaq/divorce, so he can show his in-laws
he is providing for her (didnt pay a dime an year now). BUT he doesnt send the amount back, he keeps them, claiming having bad circumstances…
What did she see in him?
He has great religious knowledge.
Very bright and full of ambitions…but not able to stay faithful…
**So when she asks me crying her heart out, to help, to make the pain go **
away, and help her to remain in his marriage…I beat my head against the wall…not able to do anything for her. Her husband wont even talk to me…so I could act as a mediator…
Help me, so I can help her. Im afraid she might loose it under too much pressure from family and his continous betrayel…
What should I advice her to do?