Wife has male friends.

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Wife has male friends.

In my humble opinion there is clearly lack of understanding from the both sides.May be you both have lack of mental compatibilty.Try to be more open or maybe make freinds with her male freinds, mutual friends you know.

22

Re: Wife has male friends.

Good for you.

23

Re: Wife has male friends.

all jokes aside, OP i get where you are coming from regarding the religious aspect of friendships with the opposite sex. it's plain and simple that we aren't allowed to be extremely close with the opposite sex. everybody compromises religion in their own way, maybe she has male friends.. but maybe you do something that is equally hurtful to her. being born and bred in the UK surely you have come across such friendships so did you not think to be on the same page as your wife about this issue before marriage? but i suppose that isn't the point of your thread.. you want to know how to tackle it, i guess you should just talk to her, reason with her and be logical and come to some sort of agreement.. if she is stubborn, then maybe ask her if there's anything you could change too. i do think she should ease up on the way she communicates with her male friends if it bugs you, but really.. should've discussed this beforehand.

24

Re: Wife has male friends.

I find that view garbage.

Men are not all beasts that every women we lay eyes on we start to think how to get laid with her. Maybe you think of men like that, I don't. Its the same ridiculous reasoning some men used to cover their women from head to toe so other men ''won't get tempted''. And the same goes for women, if you think a man and a woman alone in a room would mean they would end up getting physical, that is pretty sad.

No offense. I don't know what UK the OP envisioned but in this UK men and women have to work together in every field and every walk of life, and friendships will happen. Either he thickens his skin or either he finds a way to deal with it.

25

Re: Wife has male friends.

Humm. Okay very good information JazakAllah Khair

26

Re: Wife has male friends.

If she was friends with these guys before marriage and if she encounters then within her or her family's social circle or the workplace...then ignoring them completely will cause an awkwardness. So, she can't eliminate it completely....then cut down on it and not talk/prolong a convo unnecessarily. Not sure if turning it into a competition to see what mistakes each partner has committed, or what ways one might have hurt the other, or who has hurt more, or who is more or less naik is helpful or just causes more tension. She lives with her husband not with her friends. The marriage should be the first priority and it's not such an unreasonable request to compromise on; she can at least cut back. And if he has not witnessed anything majorly wrong in her conversations, then he needs to tone down his hurt/fear. I wouldn't champion the wife because husband comes first, they both need to compromse.

27

Re: Wife has male friends.

i didn't mean turning it into a competition as to who is more naik or hurt the other more. sometimes people can get defensive over little things so if he had a more open approach and tried to negotiate with her she might see sense considering she calls him backwards/insecure and doesn't seem to want to compromise by continuing to talk to them. i agree though, perhaps he does need to tone down his hurt.

28

Re: Wife has male friends.

I don't think everyone has read the actual post, seems like most people are just responding by reading the title.

Obviously he's not talking about usual work place or social interactions when he says: "that males/females should have limits in their interactions".

He thinks she's crossing the limits, the same limits both genders have and should abide by. So gentleman, you need to give little bit more detail in order for someone to give a you a helpful advice.

29

Re: Wife has male friends.

Prophet Muhammad said on his last sermon "O People, it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women, but they also have rights over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under Allah’s trust and with His permission. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it is your right that they do not make friends with any one of whom you do not approve, as well as never to be unchaste."

30

Wife has male friends.

Waiting to hear from the op with the holes in this thread...

31

Comparing Prophet's interaction equally with males and females in one of the above posts to the current scenario is totally absurd and irrelevant imo. Prophet Mohammed (saw) interacted to spread the word of Allah,to bring people into Islam and for similar reasons. Naoozu billah facebook pe comments karnay,hangout karnay aur guppayn maarnay k liay nai ! Please be careful in quoting examples from sunnah to justify your deeds.

When intermingling with opposite gender except for business purposes and when unavoidable is prohibited in Islam,we are required to do that,full stop. Yeh sub agar magar lekin won't work infront of Allah. We just end up making a fool of ourself when we try to be "logical" in such instances.

OP, how about keeping her busy and distracted by talking to her,helping her in chores and kitchen,going for a walks,etc when you're home? You've just got married and I suppose this was an arranged marriage. You need to take time to impose do's and dont's on her,build up a positive relation and trust in each other before coming to that point.

32

Re: Wife has male friends.

Which is why it is important to know how attractive and ‘exciting’ those male friends are. and how they compare to the poor husband.

Friend zone is almost always a male domain..women rarely experience it. You might want to pretend that you look at you female friends as nothing more than just good friends but if they ‘offered’ you wouldn’t refuse.

So be careful when you say…

“*I wouldn’t really care if my wife had guy friends and I would expect her to not care when it comes to my friends who are girls”

*Because you may be firmly in the friend zone; your wife? Not so much.

If your wife socializes with men more attractive and exciting than you; there may be unfavorable comparisons and over time she may begin to resent you, specially knowing that she can easily have any of them in bed.

33

Re: Wife has male friends.

bad news: wife has male frands

good news: male frands are super gay

bad news: wife is trying to help them turn straight

good news: you saved $5 on car insurance

34

Re: Wife has male friends.

Reality check below:

  1. Friends are friends, male or female really doesn't matter..burai dil ya demag mein ho to aaj kal female to female boundaries cross honey ke chances zayda hai..burai har jaga hai agar dil mein ho (just saying!)

  2. You knew her before marriage and that she is liberal, agar uska lifestyle pasnd nai tha to shadi kyun kari?

  3. RESPECT YOUR WIFE ENOUGH TO ACCEPT HER LIFESTYLE CHOICES NOW, THIS IS HOW SHE HAS LIVED HALF HER LIFE & JUST BECAUSE SHE SIGNED A CONTRACT WITH YOU SHE WONT DISOWN HER FRIENDS AND FOR YOU TO ASK IS UNFAIR!

(Please understand she is a person, a HUMAN BEING not a jalebi in a frying pan that will adopt to the shape you want her to take)

  1. Set an example, be patient (may take a month or 50 years) if you learn from your mom, unho ne apko emitional blackmail, mar kar ya jhagra kar ke to yeh sabak nai sikhaya hoga im sure! she set an example for you..the example was so pure that you adopted it as a lifestyle. Don't have confrontations with her regarding this, show her and make her feel that no other girl/friend is above & beyond her and she is the only friend you need..trust me we women are emotional fools, as soon as she feels this all other things will become irrelevant!
    BUT YOU GOTA BE PATIENT (may take a month or 50 years)!

  2. Just cuz u don't believe in something don't expect woh bi shadi kartey he will believe in what u believe in. Be practical please, it may hurt u i understand but you are being unreasonable. Jahan tak Islam ki baat hai, i understand that you never made any girl-friends because it wasn't allowed in Islam, im sure kafi aisi chizein hongi that u dint do according to islam..koi bhi 100% islami nai hosakta.

Similarly there might be some things that she is following and you aren't according to Islam..isliye in sab mein religion nai aye to behtar he hai! To say ke meine kiya yeh according to islam and meri biwi nahi karti is** WRONG**! cuz if u point one finger at other..four of them are pointing back at you!

  1. Abhi abhi shadi huwi hai, aisa hota hai..kisiko khaney ka taste nai pasand ata, friends nai pasand atey, frienships nai pasand ati, snoring pasand nai ati, dressing sense samjh nai ata etc etc.. Patience rakho (yeh bhi Islam ki he seekh hai)

Hope it helps!

35

Re: Wife has male friends.

ShimmerV. you writing style and lehja seems as If you are his wife :-). Seriously begum gusey mei aysey hi likhti hain.

36

Re: Wife has male friends.

Yup. Worst advice ever written.

37

Re: Wife has male friends.

I am someones begum and if he would have said something so ridiculous i would have said the same thing!

38

Re: Wife has male friends.

Justify your statement please, id love to hear!

39

Re: Wife has male friends.

Patience is great if the issue is communicated to the wife. You can't just be patience and seething in the background just because your wife doesn't know whats going on. Also switch the roles.

As a wife if your husband was spending time with other women while you were upset about it would you just accept it? Would you just trust him and not worry. But instead love him and care for him while she spent more time with other women? When you are married you have to make compromises to ensure the other partner feels safe and happy. If you don't do that you aren't placing a priority on your marriage.

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Re: Wife has male friends.

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