Hi guys this is my 1st thread on this forum. I am a Pakistani based in UK. Born and bred in the UK. I recently got married. Now my problem is that my wife has male friends. It hurts me tremendously. I don’t myself have female friends. I have told my wife it hurts me so much, yet she continues to persist with her friendships. She calls me backwards, insecure and jealous. I was taught from a young age that males/females should have limits in their interactions and I’ve always tried to follow that. That teaching came from my mother who is a very religious lady. Alhumdulilah. I myself am a practising muslim. My wife doesn’t understand on a religious or on a logical level that what she is doing is wrong. How can I deal with this situation? Help me please. This has hurt me a lot.
Re: Wife has male friends.
Hi guys this is my 1st thread on this forum. I am a Pakistani based in UK. Born and bred in the UK. I recently got married. Now my problem is that my wife has male friends. It hurts me tremendously. I don't myself have female friends. I have told my wife it hurts me so much, yet she continues to persist with her friendships. She calls me backwards, insecure and jealous. I was taught from a young age that males/females should have limits in their interactions and I've always tried to follow that. That teaching came from my mother who is a very religious lady. Alhumdulilah. I myself am a practising muslim. My wife doesn't understand on a religious or on a logical level that what she is doing is wrong. How can I deal with this situation? Help me please. This has hurt me a lot.
Yes, as Muslims we should not keep friends of the opposite sex. This is why it is important that we try to finds these things out before we get married as it gets difficult after. What I recommend is that you take it in steps with her. Tell her that you will try to compromise but you want to be there too. Slowly try to take her away from this.
Re: Wife has male friends.
Be open minded. So what if she has friends that are guys? Is she sleeping with them?
Think of it this way from an Islamic perspective. Did the Prophet (SAW) not communicate/talk to women he wasn't related to? Of course not, he spoke to everyone. In PERSON, people would come up to him, old/young, male/female, attractive/ugly, and he didn't discriminate.
So, maybe learn a thing or two from Islam?
Re: Wife has male friends.
I mean, you know, since you're "religious". Just sayin'.
Re: Wife has male friends.
Good for her.
Just one thing. If she spends more time with her male friends than her husband and ignores the husband then you got bigger issues than her just having friends. However you can't stop someone from having friends of the opposite gender. She just needs to make sure you are the priority.
She is friends with them, but she married you. That should tell you something
Re: Wife has male friends.
Areeb,
I'm not going to try to justify something if Islam clearly doesn't encourage it. Plus, I haven't researched Islam's stance on it in detail. As for the example of the Prophet SAWS...maybe there was greater leeway because his role was that of Allah's messenger. In order to guide and teach and invite the people, he had to interact with the opposite gender. Perhaps he limited those interactions to only what was necessary and didn't engage in idle talk/banter with na mahram women. I'm guessing it would have given his opponents ammunition to use against him if he were careless. So, if Islam is clearly against this....I know I'm guilty of this myself.
You have tried talking to her and maybe you have even quoted religious references, but it hasn't worked..right? So, stop pushing and let's see if you can make some adjustments on your end to alleviate the tension. Do you know the nature of the conversations she has? Are they flirtatious? Are they prolonged.....as in chatting for several hours several times a week? Is she becoming neglectful of her responsibilities? Do the conversations reflect infidelity? I'm not suggesting that if she's not guilty of any of these things...that it justifies her actions. But if you answered most of the questions with a "no," then it should at least reduce the hurt/fear you're feeling.
If she was friends with these guys before marriage and if perhaps their sisters or parents are friends with her parents/siblings...it can be tough for her to ignore them completely as it can create tension within a social group. So maybe she just maintains polite chit chat out of formality because she knows that she will run into them at dawats, events, etc. I'm just guessing here because you haven't elaborated on her conversations.
Re: Wife has male friends.
What is her relationship like with them? Is she just talking to them on Facebook or is she meeting up with them for dinners and lunches? What kind of friendship is this? I have lots of men and women on my FB that I have met over the course of my school and work...doesn't mean there's anything illicit going on. And I don't meet up with them or talk to them regularly either. So before you ask us for a solution...tell us what the problem is in detail.
Re: Wife has male friends.
One's wife having male friends is not the problem in itself.
The problem is when a man doesn't have a comparable social life and friendships with the opposite sex, of his own.
It can be intimidating for a man to realize that his wife has plenty of men to interact, spend time and hang out with; and perhaps there is some element of validation she receives from male friends, some attention some flirtation (even if its harmless)
But he has only her. He is totally dependent upon her to meet his socializing needs.
Try to imagine the imbalance here. Try to imagine how imbalance can make a man feel powerless and come across as more needy.
Which is why I think women should marry men who have more female friends than they have male ones.
Re: Wife has male friends.
. So before you ask us for a solution...tell us what the problem is in detail.
^This.
It would save the original posters the frustration if they're thorough the first time around.
We need more details about these conversations before rushing to champion the wife or censure the OP.
Re: Wife has male friends.
Areeb55
Are her male friends more attractive and exciting than you?
Personally it wouldn't bother me even if my hypothetical wife has several male friends as long as they are mostly less attractive than me.
It shouldn't bother you if your wife's male friends are not that good looking because she is likely to just think of them as 'brothers' or her girlfriends with male genitalia.
You must have seen some women have plenty of male friends and they are very chummy and close to them as well, they share common interests and activities, but those men are firmly in the friend zone. You can easily recognize that by observing them. You can tell there is no potential of anything sexual happening between them.
It is possible, hopefully, that your wife's male friends also fall in the category described above.
On the other hand if her male friends are attractive, and worse, a lot more attractive than you, it is possible that she might have had flings with them in the past, had crushes on them, or Friend-with-Benefits arrangements.
So tell me, what is it in your wife's case?
Re: Wife has male friends.
Well you have a problem here if she is still in contact with them even after knowing your feelings.
Re: Wife has male friends.
Did you know about these male friends before you married her? If this sort of thing bothers you a lot you should have gone for someone with similar views..
Re: Wife has male friends.
If you're religious, then you're right, Islam does forbid friendships with the opposite sex. You can talk to the opposite sex and interact with them, obviously, but close friendships are forbidden. That said, childhood platonic friendships are often harmless, as long as boundaries are established and respected. If she's texting them or talking to them all the time, more than you feel comfortable with, then she should respect that, or at least try to compromise. Otherwise, I don't know what to tell you, maybe you should have discussed this before marriage.
In my experience, most of the time (but not all the time, especially if the friendship is old) one person was at least initially attracted to the other. Most of the time it's the guy who is at least physically attracted to the girl. And before women jump in, no it doesn't mean that he's actively trying to get with you, but he probably wouldn't mind if you became available, but if you're attractive, trust me, he's thought about the two of you from a purely physical point of view.
Re: Wife has male friends.
This!
OP: Did you not now before marriage if she had guy friends, surely? I wouldn’t really care if my wife had guy friends and I would expect her to not care when it comes to my friends who are girls. Like the quoted post in my reply, she chose you. That should pretty much say it all. Friendship is all about being close to someone who respects you, I don’t understand why desis who pretty much do everything else under the sun, are so gaga over such a relationship between men and women.
You come across as an extremely touchy person. I don’t understand, for something to hurt someone so ‘‘tremendously’’ one would think she’s cheating on you behind your back 
Either you’re not telling people the full story or you’re being melodramatic.
You don’t know anything about the friendzone do you 
Re: Wife has male friends.
heh heh you grew up in that zone. it’s a wonder you’re still not there :halo:
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Did I now
:rotato:
My friends are people I find extremely annoying, yet good enough for my amusement and making me feel more sueperior about myself. Haven’t you ever wondered why we are friends?
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woah now, easy there shak. we exchange two words and we’re friends?
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May Allah Swt help us Why we always take religious to wrong ways. We see the religious the way we want to see. Good luck new generation.
When a man and woman think they are alone in a room under any circumstances, shaytan is also present. He's invisible. Shaytan will do anything to cause people to do zinna, and 'friendhip' is one of these ways he starts it. However, only muslims who believe in hadiths have to believe that 'Islam' teaches this.
Re: Wife has male friends.
There’s your amnesia again
You will be pleased to know I beat Shaytan 10 years and counting:lifey: