Re: wife had extramarital affair… what to tell family
If the woman thought that sharing the information with her mother would open up a “pandora’s box”, leak to other family members, and may come back to haunt/hurt her child…then yes, she should definitely keep it a secret. In OP’s scenario, the husband clearly knows how his mother/extended family are. So if the husband himself is concerned about the effects of sharing this information on his child, there is a reason for it. Husband has nothing to lose by keeping it a secret. However, by sharing it, he risks his child experiencing taunting/emotional pain. Why on earth would anyone advise him to take such a unnecessary risk with his son…a child who will needs all the support/positivity he can get right now/in the coming years…is beyond me.
And yes, if this EXACT scenario was posted where a wife showed the same concern for her child…I would encourage her to do what she feels is the best decision for that child.
Children should never be put in a position where they have to pay for the mistakes/stupidity/selfishness of their parents. Yes, the wife here clearly didn’t give a d@mn about anyone but herself. Wife clearly did something (ie. leaving her son) which will cause pain to her son. However, if the father starts shouting about her affair from the rooftop & EVERYONE finds out about it…then he’s putting his son in a position where the child has to hear nasty comments from the extended family…perhaps even his own friends in school who hear comments about the son’s mother from their parents at home. It’s bad enough that the mother didn’t care enough for the child to think twice about her actions. I would hope this child has at least one parent (ie. the father) who will put the child’s physical AND emotional needs first before making any decisions.
He gains the support of his family. Right now he’s dealing with her having cheated on him not once, but twice, all by himself, just to protect her reputation. The husband can tell people when they ask, and tell them to ask her if they have further questions. As for the son, hasn’t he already been damaged? His mother abandoned him to go shack up with another man? You think he’ll get over that easily?
OP gains very little by protecting her infidelity and she learns nothing.