Wife getting fat

Lifestyle Relationships
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21

Re: Wife getting fat

so now what?are you gonna initiate an extra marital affair with a hottie to get back at your fat wife,mother of your children too?

22

Re: Wife getting fat

I get it if you're not attracted to your wife because she's fat, but you make it sound like she's a horrible human being because of it too. Why is fat the worst thing someone can be? You married her, so obviously you must have liked something about her. Maybe go back to those and remember she's the same person? Not trying to bash you... It just seems there is more than her weight that is bothering you, and you've lost interest in her as a person, and are finding it difficult to like anything about her.

Re weightloss though... She has to want to do it. That's all I can say. If she's not motivated herself, no one can help her.

23

Re: Wife getting fat

Ditto! I also had 2 kids in 4 years of our marriage and it is very tiring. I used get annoyed at everyone who told me to loose weight. It was frustrating and annoying. I also wanted my husband to take charge when he got home because I used to be exhausted plus sleep deprived.

Like I said in my initial post, choose a physical activity and make it a family thing instead of rubbing on her face. Put the kids in the stroller and go out for a walk together or go to the gym together, etc.

24

Re: Wife getting fat

I had 3 kids in 4 years and it is exhausting, but with all the running around I did, I was at my thinnest. Does she not do activities with the kids? I know I never really left the house all winter but for the last few weeks with the better better I have been taking them to the park and for walks for my own sanity as being stuck inside makes a person go crazy.

My husband is trying to lose weight and there is no salans and chawal being made, it's roast or steamed chicken, fish or meat with veg, so it's doing us all good. Do things together as a family like taking the kids out. Don't pester her about her weight, it will only make her more stubborn.

Could she not use the exercise machine and watch dramas at the same time, I found this to pass time quicker.

Could she maybe be suffering from post natal depression? As her behaviour seems to be suggesting this. Now as I've just written it, I think this is what is causing her to be like she is, and it shouldn't be taken lightly, take her to the doctors. Where are you based? We have health isotopes coming out for 1 and 2 year checks not just for kids but also to discuss mothers health.

25

Re: Wife getting fat

Its very common for desi women to give up on life after their wedding and kids. The problem has deep socio/cultural roots and cannot be attributable to individual.

OP should start considering his wife to be a victim rather than a problem. Being a man, I can understand how he looks at it, but he needs to take a longer term approach to this. She is probably depressed or has zero motivation for life (she has met her desi life goals (marriage + kids etc).

What she needs is a new purpose of life. Try to dig deeper on what can motivate her. Get her to find a job. It could be menial but as long as it is something to get out of the bed in the morning, it can work. and please get rid of the TV.

Take her out more and maybe travel to a romantic place. If I were you I would take her clubbing or on a beach etc so she can maybe have a good time and see her competition (lol). buying some sexy clothing can also help.. get a reboot for your marriage. have another honeymoon. the idea is to make her realize that there is still more to life...

The last thing a husband can do is to shut down emotionally or confront her directly. It can escalate the insecurities. Marriage is not only to enjoy and have fun but to be there for the other person through thick and thin. And it seems that she is really meeting most of his needs (taking care of the kids, cooking etc). Be positive and suck it up like a man. your wife needs you more than ever at this stage. forcing her to go to the gym wont help.

You may also want to get a medical checkup. the weight/depression combination could be due to a hormonal imbalance or a thyroid dysfunction.

26

Lol@competition. Right on buddy...^^

27

Re: Wife getting fat

Do you offer to go with her on walks, hiking, jogging etc? Instead of telling her to do it by herself, why don't you make it into an activity for both of you? I don't know where you I've but in the U.S., it's not uncommon for couples to go outside for walks or hiking with small kids. You also have the option to hire a babysitter to come watch the kids 2-3 times every week in the evenings or even on the weekend so your and your wife can go out and do physical outdoor activities together. Or take her out to romantic dinners, movies etc....just the two of you. As for the elliptical, did she ask you to buy it?

You should also ask your wife to go with you to couples counseling. A licensed therapist can help both of you figure out whether your wife's behavior is a result of some type of misunderstanding/resentment between the two of your OR whether your wife is suffering from depression etc.

By the way, please stop saying and thinking that your wife does not do anything all day. If she is getting the impression that you feel like this, then I don't blame her for being angry with you. She is at home with 2 kids both under the age of 5 all day. Keeping them entertained, feeding/changing diapers, dealing with them crying/tempter tantrums etc. is not easy. Instead of focusing all your thoughts and words on the things your wife is not doing.....spending some time and energy recognizing the things she does do. You didn't write about about the kids being neglected so it sounds like she's doing a good job on looking about your 2 children during the day. Make sure your verbally let her know that you do appreciate the things she does.

28

Re: Wife getting fat

ask her to limit her indolence and start some healthy weight lose techniques

29

Re: Wife getting fat

She probably started getting fat after kid number 1, but you found her attractive enough to get her pregnant again. That said, she really should take care of her health, not because of how she looks but due to health reasons. What makes e sad though is that you are withholding affection and intimacy from her. She may have faults but she is a human being too. Try giving her some affection, you may be pleasantly surprised that she responds by trying to look good for you (and herself). She is probably depressed because of your behavior and that makes one eat more.

30

Re: Wife getting fat

I do a lot of stuff with my kids, I take them outside to play once or twice every day but it didn't help me lose weight. Every body is different, some people have to work harder than others to lose weight and it is a slow process.

31

Re: Wife getting fat

Agree with everything you said apart from the competition thing.. For some women that is just going to make them feel even MORE insecure..

If I was extremely overweight the last thing I'd want to do would be hanging around slim or in shape women wearing next to nothing with my husband..

32

Re: Wife getting fat

the insecurity issue needs to be addressed before anything else. once thats fixed, everything else falls into place

33

Re: Wife getting fat

You cant do anything with a person who doesn't want to do it on their iwn will, losing weight nd keeping urself active are only achievable if you wanna do it urself. You can't drag a person to do it. Why don't you do some emotional drama amd get her attention, sounds like she doesn't give a damn about anything, so try talking about how you two were before like good old days. Shes your wife, you two aint going anywhere, so try to convince her for old times sake, appreciate her a lot when she starts excersizing nd compliment her like 'God daym someones been working out...' it works, im a girl nd appreciation drives me to do stuff that i normally won't bother with.

34

Re: Wife getting fat

hahahah this is so funny!

35

Re: Wife getting fat

I've never in my 16 years on GS called any post a troll. Maybe my cynicism comes with age but TROLL alert! Amusing nonetheless!

36

Re: Wife getting fat

  • you can't make anyone do something that they are not motivated on their own to do.
  • you can't motivate someone by berating, belittling or shaming them.

  • people gain weight for a variety of reasons. they could be physiological issues or mental/emotional issues. you can't fix something until you know what's broken and you can't find out what's broken until you are able to admit that something is.

  • communication is key....you need to tell her that her physique is causing distance between the two of you. this needs to be done in an ever so gentle and loving way....so it has to genuinely come from a sincere place in your heart. if it comes from a place of hatred or disgust then it won't work because your emotions will show through any words that you use.

  • are you able to communicate with her in a loving way? can you find an opportunity to convey how you feel in a gentle and nurturing way? maybe invite her to a romantic date night.....give her a framed picture of the two of you from the wedding or earlier when you were attracted to her and tell her that you would love to see her that way again....tell her you wish to rekindle those flames that were in your heart the first time that you saw her (yes, BS if you have to for now).....tell her that your heart skips a beat when you see those pictures of her.....romance her. give her a reason to want to look like that for you.

  • as someone mentioned in a post earlier, this is not an uncommon situation. what I have noticed is that it becomes a vicious circle.....she gains weight -->he loses interest --> she gains more weight --> he gets bitter and withholds intimacy --> she gains more weight and becomes bitter and so on and so on leading to many other problems in the relationship.

  • each woman's metabolism, lifestyle, background and emotional makeup is different. some women lose weight after pregnancy like they've never had a child and some women struggle and struggle to shed the pounds but they linger until drastic measures are taken. if you want your wife to take those drastic measures, whatever they might be, give her a reason to. And no, the fact that she faces the risk of losing you is not the right reason.

37

Re: Wife getting fat

this. all of this.

Initially I was upset at reading this but the more I read it, I feel for both of them. It's rarely ever just about fat or thin, it's always a deeper issue.

you seem to think she does nothing, and she seems to think you don't appreciate her, and resentment is breeding. Since the weight is a surface issue, that's the first thing that comes up, but..it's deeper than that. While both perspectives may very well true you need to reach a middle ground here.

(My personal story--I've been overweight all my life, fluctuated within 15-20 lbs most of my adult life. My husband married me knowing wat I look like and he loves me and all my chins. When he stops me from eating crap, it's not because I'll get fat and unattractive, it's genuinely because I have underlying health issues and doesn't want me to die soon).

Of course, this all depends on what exactly you want. Ask yourself, what's the end goal? What's the bigger picture? Do you want to break up and start over, or do you want to work on your marriage? If the latter, then majority of advice given here from Muzna, Paheli, Lusi etc is good advice and should be taken into consideration.

38

Re: Wife getting fat

buy a treadmill. use it. lead by example.

39

Re: Wife getting fat

Grow up

40

Re: Wife getting fat

But.. but.. this is the problem.. OP’s wife is “growing up” too fast :chai: