I’ve been married for about 4.5 years now. Two kids later, my wife weighs more than me (185) and is probably 60+ lbs heavier than when we got married. It has really started to affect everything. She just started snoring like crazy at night. I end up going to the basement so I can sleep, but she just ends up getting mad at me. I need to work in the morning to provide for them and I can’t even get a peaceful sleep.
Her favorite passtime is watching hum tv dramas and eating. At this point, it seems like there is no hope in sight. I’ve given up on wanting any sexual realationship with her because A) it was never good to begin with (she has major insecurity issues thanks to her mother) and B) it’s just embarassing.
I’ve tried to get her out on hikes or walks, but it doesn’t really work. We even spent $3000 on an eliptical for her which I use all the time, but she has only touched twice. Now we use it to hang our towels.
If there weren’t two kids involved, I would leave her because her selfish behavior is compromising our current happiness and will surely result in major health problems in the furture. I’m embarassed to be seen with her. I don’t like to even be around her because it feels so demoralizing. She doesn’t do anything whole day, doesn’t work either. Least she can do is stay healthy for me & my kids.
I really need some help with this, if anyone has some advice. I didn’t sign up to live with a slob when I got married. She always told me before we got married that she would never let herself go, but 4.5 years into it…I’m really disappointed.
So who is raising your kids while all she does is eat and watch Hum TV? Also, have you talked to her about all of this? What has she told you in the past?
OP, you cannot find any, repeat, ANY good characteristic in your wife at all and now you are talking about axing her out for her physical appearance?? Just WOW! Unless she begs you to lift her in front of others I dont see a reason why u should be "embarrassed".
I always thought its girls who reject guyz for how they look, um and that too before relationship.
I feel bad for you sir. That is some serious weight gain and it's only going to get worse since she doesn't want to do anything about it. Sure, she's had two kids but that is not an excuse for not caring about ones outward appearance.
You're not without blame though. You should've done something to help her with her issues before you guys had the first kid. Either it would've worked or you would've found out she wasn't the woman for you. Either way you would not be in this situation.
Giving up on sex with her doesn't sound pragmatic unless you have someone on the side or plan on leaving her soon. Besides, it doesn't help her with her insecurities either. What kind of shape are you yourself in? You could probably start cooking/eating clean yourself in order to inspire her. Plan workout dates I guess. That's all you can do. Getting rid of cable tv, though mean, might work too. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Her favorite passtime is watching hum tv dramas and eating. She doesn't do anything whole day, doesn't work either. Least she can do is stay healthy for me & my kids.
Your kids aren't old enough for school (Since you've been married less than 5 years) so who watches the 2 kids all day? Who does all the housework? Laundry, breakfast/lunch/dinner, grocery shopping etc.?
Also, when did the weight gain start? Was it after the birth of the first child? Have you directly told her how you feel about her weight gain?
2 kids in 4 years will take its toll on a woman's body. Losing weight is not easy postpartum ; but if you encourage her enough ( cook healthy with her , for her) ,exercise with her ; she might make more effort for your sake. You will have to be patient though given that she is so insecure about her looks. Taunting and getting angry with her will probably make her more stubborn and insecure.
Maybe, just maybe instead of finding loopholes in his story, we take it at it's face value and offer some real advice.
It's a real issue, and even if the op is trolling, the let go - weight gain fiasco happens a whole lot amongst newly married people, and when you are bulging out of every corner of your body, your partner will find your less attractive. There is no denying that. Being a mother or father odd of your kids does not take away the responsibility of doing good to make yourself physically attractive for your spouse.
2 kids in 4 years will take its toll on a woman's body. Losing weight is not easy postpartum ; but if you encourage her enough ( cook healthy with her , for her) ,exercise with her ; she might make more effort for your sake. You will have to be patient though given that she is so insecure about her looks. Taunting and getting angry with her will probably make her more stubborn and insecure.
Ditto!
That being said if my husband had told me that " I do nothing" with 2 kids in the house , I would have punched him in the face...
OP, your wife has a disease. Obesity is a disease and sorry to break it to you there is little chance that she will be able to loose weight. Even well motivated individuals cannot do it for long. Good news is, there recently have been some new treatments available. There are drugs now that can help loose 20-40lbs. So you need to take her to a doctor who specialises in obesity and see if your insurance plan can pay for these drugs.
If she is snoring too bad, she might also be suffering from sleep apnea, that will also make her cranky. See if she qualifies for a sleep study.
I have told you guys I have encouraged her to go on walks, hiking, jogging etc even bought an eliptical but whenever I tell her to do some exercise she gets mad at me, starts yelling and what not and I don't want all these things to happen in fornt of my kids. She is just too lazy to do anything, she has always been like that and now her body doesn't allow her.
She doesn't do much at home from the time we got married. Maid comes & do all the work. All she has to do is cook. She makes 1 salan in large quantity and we eat it for next 3-4 days as she doesn't want to bother herself daily.
And about groceries,she message me on whatsapp what is required and I buy them on my way home from work on daily basis. Regarding kids, she does look after them when I am at work but when I am home I have to make feeders and change their diapers and what not as according to her its my responsibilty too to do these things.
I know she is my wife and its my responisibilty to take care of her but she needs to understand that I can only do so much in this relatopnship.
I have told you guys I have encouraged her to go on walks, hiking, jogging etc even bought an eliptical but whenever I tell her to do some exercise she gets mad at me, starts yelling and what not and I don't want all these things to happen in fornt of my kids. She is just too lazy to do anything, she has always been like that and now her body doesn't allow her.
She doesn't do much at home from the time we got married. Maid comes & do all the work. All she has to do is cook. She makes 1 salan in large quantity and we eat it for next 3-4 days as she doesn't want to bother herself daily.
And about groceries,she message me on whatsapp what is required and I buy them on my way home from work on daily basis. Regarding kids, she does look after them when I am at work but when I am home I have to make feeders and change their diapers and what not as according to her its my responsibilty too to do these things.
I know she is my wife and its my responsibility to take care of her but she needs to understand that I can only do so much in this relatopnship.
It sounds like she doesn't want to hear that she has a problem. She knows she has a problem. Could anyone else get her to see how it's affecting you and and her health and possibly convince her to go to an obesity specialist like Iconoclast is suggesting? She could also be depressed and not wanting to do anything to fix the problem. Does she not care that you are not attracted to her anymore? Does she socialize with other people and go out on her own? Does she have friends she hangs out with? If she has no activities, she could very well be depressed.
Kids take a toll on a woman's body...they absolutely do and there is no doubt about that. BUT she should try. She has to try if she wants to lead a healthy life.
The thing is...its really hard to lose weight when you're the only one doing it. My suggestion is: make this a lifestyle change for BOTH of you and tackle your diet first. Tell her you are no longer eating salans at home, there will be no more roti or chawal or junk food in the house. None. Do not buy it even if she asks for it...kids do very well on healthy food so its great for them too. Start with yourself and see if she follow suit. Do a revamp of your entire lifestyle first.
You don't want to leave her right? Might as well make the most of what you have right now...which is a marriage and family.
She isn't trying to be selfish...it sounds like she's forgotten what its like to be healthy and the only thing that makes her feel good is eating. This sort of life is addicting and not exactly something you can just let go of...it takes work and loads of support from your spouse.
I think there is understanding issue. you keep repeating she doesn't do anything, it probably seems that way but 2 kids in 4 years DRIve you crazy. they demand so much out of you. u hardly have time for urself. speakig fom experience.
now maybe she is too tired to do anything after you come home let alone the exercise. y don't u hire help for kids too.
I have 2 kids in 4 years MA and let me tell you, by the time it's evening I m ready to hit the bed. I had full time 8-4 help in Pak. kids demand a lot and only a mother can understand.
…j/k.