Wife getting fat

[Mrs_Saieen]

Re: Wife getting fat

@Muzna

**- you can’t make anyone do something that they are not motivated on their own to do.

• you can’t motivate someone by berating, belittling or shaming them.**

• people gain weight for a variety of reasons. they could be physiological issues or mental/emotional issues. you can’t fix something until you know what’s broken and you can’t find out what’s broken until you are able to admit that something is.

• communication is key…you need to tell her that her physique is causing distance between the two of you. this needs to be done in an ever so gentle and loving way…so it has to genuinely come from a sincere place in your heart. if it comes from a place of hatred or disgust then it won’t work because your emotions will show through any words that you use.

• are you able to communicate with her in a loving way? can you find an opportunity to convey how you feel in a gentle and nurturing way? maybe invite her to a romantic date night…give her a framed picture of the two of you from the wedding or earlier when you were attracted to her and tell her that you would love to see her that way again…tell her you wish to rekindle those flames that were in your heart the first time that you saw her (yes, BS if you have to for now)…tell her that your heart skips a beat when you see those pictures of her…romance her. give her a reason to want to look like that for you.

• as someone mentioned in a post earlier, this is not an uncommon situation. what I have noticed is that it becomes a vicious circle…she gains weight -->he loses interest → she gains more weight → he gets bitter and withholds intimacy → she gains more weight and becomes bitter and so on and so on leading to many other problems in the relationship.

• each woman’s metabolism, lifestyle, background and emotional makeup is different. some women lose weight after pregnancy like they’ve never had a child and some women struggle and struggle to shed the pounds but they linger until drastic measures are taken. if you want your wife to take those drastic measures, whatever they might be, give her a reason to. And no, the fact that she faces the risk of losing you is not the right reason.

this. all of this.

Initially I was upset at reading this but the more I read it, I feel for both of them. It’s rarely ever just about fat or thin, it’s always a deeper issue.

you seem to think she does nothing, and she seems to think you don’t appreciate her, and resentment is breeding. Since the weight is a surface issue, that’s the first thing that comes up, but..it’s deeper than that. While both perspectives may very well true you need to reach a middle ground here.

(My personal story–I’ve been overweight all my life, fluctuated within 15-20 lbs most of my adult life. My husband married me knowing wat I look like and he loves me and all my chins. When he stops me from eating crap, it’s not because I’ll get fat and unattractive, it’s genuinely because I have underlying health issues and doesn’t want me to die soon).

Of course, this all depends on what exactly you want. Ask yourself, what’s the end goal? What’s the bigger picture? Do you want to break up and start over, or do you want to work on your marriage? If the latter, then majority of advice given here from Muzna, Paheli, Lusi etc is good advice and should be taken into consideration.