Wife finding it difficult adjusting

[najeeb786]

Re: Wife finding it difficult adjusting

I was supposed to chat with the Mrs today about working etc but before that could happen she asked whether she could go home to visit for three days even though she visited for 6 days before i picked her up a week ago. Even after I stated that she would be staying over at her parents for a few days for eid she just stated that she can go then as well. All this with a depressed looking face.

From the advice received so far she definitely needs to do something with er time as currently she’s just feeling miserable for herself.

Funny thing is that when she goes home its not as if she does anything besides sit at home with her family.

It’s difficult in not allowing her to visit on this occasions but i’ll chat to her and see, once i’ve spoken of my concerns if se still wants to go then by all means.

@Paheli00

If you haven’t already, you should read the thread titled “Maikay Jana”. You’ll see other women writing about what their husband’s/MILs expect of them when it comes to visiting parents. And keeping in mind that many of those women don’t even live in the same city/country as their parents! You’ll find that you’re (and you mom) very lenient…perhaps a little too much. As a wife and DIL, your wife has a responsiblity to make herself part of your household. Since there isn’t any tension between her and your mom, your wife has a responsibility to initiate activities that will help her build a strong relationship with your family (heck she can easily take your mom and go for a walk every single morning!).

There is nothing wrong with your wife visiting or talking to her family often…but BEFORE she can do that…she needs to make sure that she’s fulfilling her responsibilities as a wife/DIL first. By her being depressed, and not making the effort to settle into her new role is a bit immature. I’m sure she was spoiled in her house due to her being the youngest. You and your mom need to stop doing the same.

Since she clearly hasn’t made any effort to initiate anything in 2 months(whether its getting a job, volunteering, or planning activities with your mom)…I think its about time that you start being a little more firm. The message shouldn’t be that she can do whatever she wants…when she wants. The message should be that you want her to start doing something immediately. It may take her time to find a job…but she can certainly start volunteering somewhere asap.