Wife Blaming me for Abortion

Lifestyle Relationships
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I already had a posting here where I told that how my marriage ended in Divorce.Now after divorce my wife keeps sending me emails and messages.I am not responding her anymore.Just to refresh memories,I married this girl last year,then she kept misbehaving with my Family and also involved her mother in everything,me n her mother had developed serious differences just after Nikah and we were in a kind of Strenous Relation,its like we hated each other.She got pregnant n then aborted the child,as she got pregnant I brought her back home,n ask her to behave n live peacefully,she agreed but just after 15 days went to my mom room n started shouting at her for no reason.I ask her to leave n she left.

She said after 1 day that she is coming back,I said no problem,u can come back whenever u want but she didnt come,The only mistake I did was after 6 months of marriage n trying to correct her misbehaviors with Love initially,then strictness,pampering, finally I said I will divorce u if u dont do the necessary correction,after that I used this Divorce threat on 5-6 occasions whenever she misbehaved but she kept getting worse n worse.

Anyways after 5 days since she left home,I said I will divorce u if u dont come back,she says ok I am coming n I ask her to come with ur mom so me n my parents can tell all ur misbehaviors.My wife put a serious allegation on my mom that she wanna kill my child bcuzz of which my mom got really angry.She already has grand daughters n sons n love them a lot.She came home,my mother was very angry at her bcuzz of all her misbehaviors with her,my mom said I will get my son married soon,my ex-wife literally charged at my mother to hit her but I came in between n ask my mom to leave cuzz anything could have happened,My Ex-wife mom started creating drama since she came n She never said anything to settle this issue n tried to fire it up.I then asked my wife to leave again.

I then had three meetings with her MAMOO n I honestly told his mamoo that this rishta has become very complicated n abnormal,n if I try to keep her now ,I will be putting conditions that might sound abnormal like her mom wont contact when my wife is home with me,cuzz Abnormal Relation will generate Abnormal Demands n the best solution is Separation.Her mamoo also said that this baccha u r having is gonna be an abnormal kid due to ur differences.So,I would advise u to abort the child n I agreed at that time.

I ask her mamoo to decide quickly cuzz the child is growing really fast,he said I will but then he sat quietly,I contacted my wife n said I now dont wanna abort my child and I will get u registered in any hospital of ur liking n I even offered to pick her up n take her myself to the hospital but she kept refusing n saying MY MAMOO WILL TELL U THE FINAL DECISION.After a week of insisting I also sat quiet but I firmly told her that I dont want abortion n she shouldnt think about that.

After 15 days ,she contacted me in early morning crying n pleading to take her back but I have to give some assurity to her family,I said I want u to talk to my mom first n if she allows,I will let u come,she called my mom n y mom said its on my son will,if he wants u back then he can but u wont come in my house as U have put a serious allegation on me that I wanna kill ur child.She then kept calling me all day,n finally I said If u wanna be back then get dropped urself at home or at my workplace but I cant come to pick u up.Reason with her misbehaviors was that her brother also called my father and abused him.In three years of this relation her brother never sat with me or my family n never even exchanged Salams but he came from no where n abused n threatened my father with police.

SHE NEVER TOLD ME THAT SHE IS PLANNING FOR ABORTION IN THESE TALKS.

So QUESTION is :
-My Wife is now blaming me n saying that " Due to refusals on that day,I became helpless n left with no choice but Abortion,my family clearly said to me that we wont keep this child,Also she says I had no money to support this child n u left me helpless,n she says this decision was religiously supported by her MAAMII that its right to abort the child" THE CHILD WAS 4.5 MONTH.

I just wanna know WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS ABORTION?? She never told me or informed me that she is planning for abortion.

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

You know, regardless of all the misunderstandings between both of you, I can understand how insecure she must be feeling, hence her decision to abort. Whatever happened, happened. There is nothing much you and your wife can do about it. Why dont you two work on how you can make things better. I am a bog opponent of divorce and believe that both parties should try to work till last moment to make things work. Of course there are always exception like physical abuse, or bad character, in which case its ok to call it quits. But in your case, at least these two are not the issues.

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

FYI...divorce threats never fix relationships. So erase this word from your dictionary. Instead of involving family, communicate with each other and try to solve them.

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

It seems you're already divorced.

So why are you responding to her and even talking to each other? Its just going to lead to further drama and misery.

After a divorce, you two have NO legal rishta and should not be talking, particularly if there's no child involved.

All you need to realize is that using the word divorce as a threat is ONLY delaying what will surely end up happening...a divorce.

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

so, that’s your side of the story, a long one though and quite one-side!

what’s her side of the same story? i’m sure it will be as long and as one-sided as your!

how can anyone give you advice without knowing the other side of the story?

does it make any sense to you? :hmmm:

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

Depending on sect in Islam, after divorce, it is permissible for a husband and wife to get together without nikah.
Now to the question who is responsible for this abortion? Clearly is is her fault she went to the doctor to get an abortion you did not force or requested her to do so. You do not need to feel guilty, she is playing the guilt card so that you can bring her back and the drama starts again. She seems to be a psycho from what you are telling and her family is not helping much in mending the fences.
She aborted a 4.5 month old child is clear indication that she has some mental issues.
She is acting as a boomerang , she goes to her home then pleads you to come back and once she is back the same drama starts.
How long can you tolerate this behavior and live an abnormal life depends on you.

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

Right now we can advise based on his side of the story. We can only assume that whatever he is telling is the truth. Nobody forced him to come on these forums and make up a story based on lies. He has no way of proving his side of the story.
If that girls comes and tells her side of the story then it will be a he said , she said , they said kind of a situation and it will be very difficult to give any kind of advice.

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion


i understand what you are saying but my point is that how one can give a sound advice if we don't know the person, don't know his/her demeanor, don't know what the story of the other side is.

only faulty/ill advice can be given if the info we have is one-sided and/or faulty.

for the sake of giving advice, we may do that but it would not be a sound advice.

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

By reading your post I can make out that whenever she did wrong (from your point of view) you always punished her by telling her to go back (in other words kicking her out of your house). Seems like you've been playing GOD in the relationship b/w you two , deciding when she should tay & when she should leave , when should an abortion happen and when it shouldn't etc etc... to me you were very clear on everything and didn't have an ounce of regret....I don't know understand with the attitude and state of mind of you have why you are now bothered with her her msgs when she is not even your wife and you unborn child is dead ??

I think you should ask your mom what should you do about her sending you msgs now !

PS: I am amazed that how you and her mamoo ascertained that the child would be abnormal and its better to abort ???

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

My friend just had a still born girl... Due to a rare disease the baby was deemed not fit for life, they just buried the stillborn... You guys don't know how lucky you are that you can have healthy babies. Just ask the people who try their best but still cannot have babies.... Here Allah has given you blessings but you waste over egos... When will people learn?

nothing is impossible in life, even lions can be tamed... We call ourselves rational beings...

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

^^ Ditto!

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

strange, after marriage if a man has to ask everything from his mother than he is not ready for a relationship. Abortion is done, child is dead and u have divorced her, so now what?? for further advice u should consult ur mom dear.

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

Twisted

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

Good to see all responses,First it's not a one sides story,If it has been then I would not have admitted my mistakes as well as what mom said,It's based on Facts n if my Ex wife will come here,she will have nothing to add,This post is a shorter perspective to everything that happened n I posted in August the whole story behind Divorce.

We after Rukhsati started living in Separate Place,My parents did that as they want everyone to have their own lives but she was mentally unstable n used to fight n throw things n even hit every third day.My Family never interfered with our lives until she started confronting my Family members herself.

Lastly I was against Abortion n I firmly told her that but she did it without telling me anything,even after abortion I ask her to take me to the hospital n if I get convinced that u were not at fault,I will take u back but she refused.

I was never into Divorce,One month after abortion she involved Police n tried to threaten me,reason was she was afraid that I m filing a case of Abortion in Court,so she tried to threaten me with Police n it's then I decided to divorce her.

I have done a posting in August about the events that led to this Divorce,so I would like all my friends to give ur opinion after reading that,BUT Thanks to all u guys for taking time out n commenting,doesn't matter it's positive or negative

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

I remember your earlier post. Your ex was completely nuts.

What's happened has happened. You have no relationship with her now, she chose to get rid of the child so there is no child to link you to her. You really need to walk away from the woman because she's a mess. It's one thing to be dragged into problems if she is your wife but she isn't.

Walk away. Walk away. Walk away.

Islamically you can divorce a pregnant woman so you haven't even transgressed the bounds of Islam. If you know in your heart that you would have provided for the child regardless of you were with your ex or not then your conscience should be clear.

Delete her mails, don't pick up her calls, and if she keeps trying then tell her you will only communicate via your lawyer.

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

This!

It's very disturbing how you, her mamoo and she, so easily came to the decision to abort this innocent child ... and that too this late!!! 4.5 months pregnant??? That is 22 weeks. At my 20 weeks ultrasounds I saw my babies, heard their strong heart beats, saw and felt them move their arms and legs and even saw one of my babies sucking his thumb. I'm just going to stop right here. Sad, it really is!!!

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

The divorce is final. You do not have any type of rishta with this woman. Why are you wasting time trying to figure out who is "responsible" for the abortion? What good will come out of it? If your ex wants to continue wasting her time/energy revisiting the past and continues to blame you, let her. Block your EX-WIFE's e-mail, do not ever pick up her calls, delete her voicemails without even listening to it. Move on with your life.

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

I wish I could triple like this post. Well said...very well said.

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

just repost yr statement three times..that should do it :chai:

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Re: Wife Blaming me for Abortion

I agree. Don't get dragged back into the games and misery. Whatever happened between you is in the past. Try to move on. Be fair with yourself and forgive yourself. Be sincere. And look to how you can learn from the past to live a better future.