Wife and staying over at parents

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Wife and staying over at parents

It has :blush:

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Wife and staying over at parents

I have to kind of agree with X2. Najeeb I guess by the impression I have from your older threads I think that this issue over time will resolve itself. From the impression it seems your marriage has a lot of problems and needs time to develop and both of you come to a better understanding of each other. In my opinion from what I have read, I would think to let her be her. What's the worst that can happen from her visiting her family? I would assume she comes back with a little bit of peace of mind that she may not be getting at your parents home. I am not sure of the way it works with you guys but why not take a weekend and go with her? Spend some time with her family? If you haven't already recently. The whole point of it is to find some balance in your relationship so one person doesn't feel like they are doing more than the other, both compromising etc. and your spending time together. like others have said no one can really tell you what the norm is, it depends on your relationship and what the circumstances are surrounding your relationship. I guess abnormal would be if someone was extremely happy and constantly "running away" to her parents to the point of neglecting the husband. If that's what your feeling, again that's an issue that needs to be discussed with the wife to find a middle ground. You can't determine how normal it is by others telling you their ways, your relationship is different.

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Re: Wife and staying over at parents

I guess X2s issue is more imporatnt than najeebs. Let's please help him first. :(

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Re: Wife and staying over at parents

Since we had our discussion a while ago I must admit we have not encountered any issues that I can think of. I just wanted to understand from everyone else whether its the norm for the wife to visit her parents for a number of consecutive days per month, a day or two to stay over here and there is the the norm for me but I can't understand staying over for 5 days in a row per month wanting to spend time with family when you can visit etc.

Thank you and I do understand that each relationship is different and circumstances can be different too hence why I asked here first.

I wouldn't mind going every weekend to her parents home but I don't think I would stay over, I can't even stay over at my siblings homes.

X2 - Don't get me wrong when she does go back I make the most of my time. Call are made in advance letting friends know I am free for a few days....:-). I remember her going home for a few days once and i was texting and calling her but not much as I had a lot of things to do combined with being out all day with mates and she didn't like that. Seems like she thought I would be miserable with her not being by my side :-)

I never had an issue with her going to stay over it was mainly the duration.

Thanks everyone with your responses.

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Re: Wife and staying over at parents

That's good progress. I would think to give it time, as she naturally becomes comfortable at your parents or at least in the relationship I think she'll want to spend more and more time with you instead of being away from. This seems to be an adjustment issue for her. But that's just my assumption.

Its been three years for me and my husband and I have an amazing relationship but regardless of that fact I just can not adjust living with his parents. I'm pretty flexible as a person but his dad is extremely hard to live with and unfortunately at his age doesn't even realize how his habits and living style affect our home and our home environment isn't happy, very awkward and uncomfortable. Just an example for you.

And my last post had a typo, I meant to say unhappy** not happy.

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Re: Wife and staying over at parents

haha, same here! :D

LOL @ X2

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Re: Wife and staying over at parents

Jab Najeeb ne pocha nahi, tu app rehne deti, yaar! Why try to create an issue when there is none?

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Re: Wife and staying over at parents

I am sorry, I am not understanding the problem. Is she just staying overnight for 4-5 days a month or a week?

I agree with everyone who said, you two should working finding a balance that can keep both of you at peace.

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Re: Wife and staying over at parents

Najeeb,

I just read some of your previous threads and I think I understand your situation and agree with others that in context of:

  1. Sulking continuously & keeping herself in the room
  2. Not addressing your Mum with a title. I can understand that she doesn't want to call your mother "Mum" but she can just as easily call her "Aunty" "Sasuma" Saas ji"... My husband's Brother's wife used to do this with our MIL. It was her passive aggressive way of punishing the MIL because they didn't get along.
  3. Having an issue with your sister or SIL without reason
  4. Going away to stay extended amounts of time with her family
  5. Walking out of the house at 1:30 AM because she got emotional

There is something wrong here. It may be that there's miscommunication between the 2 of you or that she's depressed or there is a serious marriage issue going on or your family culture & atmosphere is different than her's and she is sulking. Whatever is going on, it is nice that you are trying hard to give her space but you need to talk to her. I couldn't see if you ever talked with her to find out what is going on with her.

Ignoring this is not going to make it go away. You can be respectful towards both your Mum & your wife and do right by them both by having an open, honest discussion and resolving this lingering tension that's been going on since the beginning.

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He started a thread, I asked a few questions? iss me mainay konsi issue banai? lol

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Wife and staying over at parents

Sorry mods. GS app malfunction, you can rove the repeat threads.

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Re: Wife and staying over at parents

Alhamdulillah we had a chat a while ago and everything is now ok and we do not have any issues whatsoever.

My mum and wife seem to be getting along fine and so are the rest of my family with her and vice versa. The only thing i really wanted to know was the amount of time she spends at her parents and whether it is normal. Just wanted to understand the different responses.

I don't have any issue remaining with her though.

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Re: Wife and staying over at parents

Thanks for this.

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Re: Wife and staying over at parents

It is NOT a problem :-)

I did want to talk to her about this because she tends to go for at least 5 days a month to stay over and I would rather prefer her to cut that down and visit more often during the day and I would be more than willing to come along as I do anyway.

Thanks

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Re: Wife and staying over at parents

I've noticed that in many threads and realized this after reading your various different threads that what most of us end up giving "advice" (opinionated viewpoints) on is so very out of context. In many threads, the OP isn't clear on what their asking in their original post. People take a stab at it based on their own biases and how they intrepreted the question, and low & behold - more information comes out.

It is never clear what people are asking, sometimes they don't say it, other times, they say one thing but really are asking something else. But the information in this thread alone was not enough to depict the entire picture. When I first read, I honestly didn't see a big deal of a 5 day visit after her parents returned from abroad. So you'll have to take people's advice with a big grain of salt.

Did your wife go away before of after your chat? Also, was this an arranged marriage where you got to talk to each other just a little bit before marriage and really didn't know each other's constitution?

If she went away before the chat, it could've been a million things but here are a few..some of her behaviour could be passive agressiveness from not being able to relate to you & your family, or she could've been quite upset at your Valentine's Day gift and said "I'll show him!" and left you for several days or it could just be misunderstanding which just escalated. Hopefully, it was all just miscommunication.

Marriage is a lot of work but if both parties put in consistant effort and keep the lines of communication open, it will be rewarding. I've been married for 2 years but it still feels like we're working on finding our happy medium on in some areas of our life. We both come from very different family cultures & values & habits but at the end of the day, our long term goals are the same.

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Re: Wife and staying over at parents

I am an only child and my mother lives alone (parents divorced long time ago) so I visit my mom A LOT. She lives 12 mins away by car. I sometimes used to go stay with her for an entire week or weekend. I have even stayed for 2-3 weeks at a time.

Now that I have a baby my husband doesn't want me staying over for weeks at a time. Now I normally take my baby and spend a whole day twice a week or so and then my hubby picks me up on his way home from work.

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Re: Wife and staying over at parents

My parents live 10 minutes away from us and my husband moved away three months ago when he moved from Pakistan. After two months, I went to sleep over for one night only. And that was it. Usually I go for couple of hours 2-3 times a week.