Wife and staying over at parents

[najeeb786]

Re: Wife and staying over at parents

@Peony

I’ve noticed that in many threads and realized this after reading your various different threads that what most of us end up giving “advice” (opinionated viewpoints) on is so very out of context. In many threads, the OP isn’t clear on what their asking in their original post. People take a stab at it based on their own biases and how they intrepreted the question, and low & behold - more information comes out.

It is never clear what people are asking, sometimes they don’t say it, other times, they say one thing but really are asking something else. But the information in this thread alone was not enough to depict the entire picture. When I first read, I honestly didn’t see a big deal of a 5 day visit after her parents returned from abroad. So you’ll have to take people’s advice with a big grain of salt.

Did your wife go away before of after your chat? Also, was this an arranged marriage where you got to talk to each other just a little bit before marriage and really didn’t know each other’s constitution?

If she went away before the chat, it could’ve been a million things but here are a few..some of her behaviour could be passive agressiveness from not being able to relate to you & your family, or she could’ve been quite upset at your Valentine’s Day gift and said “I’ll show him!” and left you for several days or it could just be misunderstanding which just escalated. Hopefully, it was all just miscommunication.

Marriage is a lot of work but if both parties put in consistent effort and keep the lines of communication open, it will be rewarding. I’ve been married for 2 years but it still feels like we’re working on finding our happy medium on in some areas of our life. We both come from very different family cultures & values & habits but at the end of the day, our long term goals are the same.

We did chat a lot before marriage but regarding going home, it was never something I thought to talk about, her family only live 20 miles away so I thought that yes she would go home to visit often but to sleep over for a number of days per month I did not consider at all unless someone was ill etc. I was naive in this sense because I thought it would be the same type of situation as my sister who doesn’t really stay over unless needed but visits often throughout the day. Even then we all know it is about striking a balance between the two of you because a wife has every right to visit her folks.

We had a lot of issues but after the chat we lived together for 2 weeks and then she went back to her parents when they came back from abroad and stayed for around a week, came back home and stayed with me for a week but then someone in her family had an appointment and she slept over at her parents for a day, I did tell her to go in the morning but she wanted to stay the night. I dropped her off and picked her up the following day. Everytime I drop her off I ensure I sit for a couple of hours. The next day we were busy and went out together but we both felt unwell but even then the following day we spent at her parents home and came home in the evening. Now today we are both still unwell, I have managed to get to work but she is in bed and wants to go back to her parents to stay over for a few days and rest as she is ill.

I already know she wants to stay over next week at her parents and that is for a number of days to be with family.

For me I feel as though I don’t know whether she is coming or going and I just don’t feel settled.