what are your comments on women who put up with abuse from men, whether physical or emotional. And when women know they can get a divorce or leave the man, why don’t they, or if they do, why do they still want to be with such men?
Is the key to a long lasting marriage a women’s willingness to put up with anything that comes their way just to make their marriage work? Back in the day that’s how it was and you rarely heard of divorces.
Do you guys feel that no matter how bad things get between you and your spouse or you and your loved one, that you should work together and make the marriage work?
I think they do it for the sake of their rep. with the husband/their family. They don't want to 'shame' either parties. also, they don't say anything against the spouse because of this certain phobia which gives the spouse the wrong message, and so the abuse continues.
thats just my opinion though, there could be many others
Each scenario has its own reason. Women do have natural instinct of 'motherhood' and try to sacrifice themselves for better future and wish the time will change.
That statement above does not and should not mean that every single woman has a natural instinct for motherhood.
I have a friend who was in an emotionally abusive relationship for over 2 years. It was the most difficult thing for her to get out. She didn't want to, but knew she should. It is EXTREMELY difficult. She lost friends over that. Friends thought she was being stupid by being with him and that she cried about it all the time.
But people are MUCH happier for her now that it's over. She is the unhappiest person right now. though. Mostly because of her insecurities.
It says a lot about those men who are in those relationships, but also about the women. I know that is the most difficult thing to do, but a person with healthy esteem would leave before things get seriously difficult - but then again, emotional abuse destroys your self esteem, as well.
girls like bad boys because they think these boys are cool....
but as far as physical abuse is concerned, then tht''s something tht shouldnt be tolerated at all, unless if there's this whole thing about sacrificing for children's sake(which i dnt agree with)....children of such parents are usually psychologically affected very badly and i think it's better to raise the children with hardships than raise them to be mentally disturbed adults)
and many of these women lack self-confidence and it's also because of lack of support from her own family...
Because they're insecure, they have a "daddy" syndrome, they want to be dependent on someone at any cost, they've watched too much bollywood, they have no other place to go, they are not financially independent so they feel they can't escape, they don't want their kid to lose a dad, they're afraid of being on their own with a child with no help.
what are your comments on women who put up with abuse from men, whether physical or emotional. And when women know they can get a divorce or leave the man, why don't they, or if they do, why do they still want to be with such men?
Is the key to a long lasting marriage a women's willingness to put up with anything that comes their way just to make their marriage work? Back in the day that's how it was and you rarely heard of divorces.
Do you guys feel that no matter how bad things get between you and your spouse or you and your loved one, that you should work together and make the marriage work?
It's easy to simplify things like this, but the reasons behind why women stay with lousy husbands can be complicated. And they can include:
1) Very low self-esteem. Sometimes the abusive husband's words can warp a woman into thinking that he really does love her....that no other guy or person would want her...that she's nothing without him and is dependent upon him, etc. And I think that usually such low-self esteem has roots in childhood....and it can be tough to undo a negative mentality that has been a part of your life for so long.
2) Desperate situations. Yes, we all know that Islam allows women to get a divorce. We know that Islam does not advocate that a woman suffer marital abuse. But it's our desi society that creates many roadblocks for women. You have Islam........and then you have desi culture....which people also follow...maybe more than religion itself. And our culture/society treats divorce as a stigma....as a blemish upon a woman even if she's innocent. And if the woman is not that educated....has no degree....zero work experience.....how will she financially support herself and her kids on her own? This situation can compel her to stick it out.
3) Kids. Some women believe that it's an absolute must for kids to have two parents that live under the same roof. They don't seem to understand that while this would be ideal, there are exceptions. Kids are not stupid. They can sense if their parents have a dysfunctional marriage. Constant bickering of parents hurts them as well. And in the event that a spouse is abusive......is it healthy for kids to witness the abuse....for a son to copy his father's abusive ways.......for a daughter to learn to be a doormat? In such situations....perhaps having one sound minded parent is better than having a dysfunctional team of parents. Some women also think that the divorce blemish might hurt or hinder their daughter's chances for getting married in the future. Again....this is due to culture.
Should you work it out? It depends upon the situation. For example, what if your spouse has cheated on you? Should you work it out? Can anyone blame you for not wanting to stay married to an unfaithful spouse? If you've tried to make it work, and things are only getting worse.....then you don't have to stick it out. Sometimes separation can bring peace.
what are your comments on women who put up with abuse from men, whether physical or emotional. And when women know they can get a divorce or leave the man, why don't they, or if they do, why do they still want to be with such men?
Is the key to a long lasting marriage a women's willingness to put up with anything that comes their way just to make their marriage work? Back in the day that's how it was and you rarely heard of divorces.
Do you guys feel that no matter how bad things get between you and your spouse or you and your loved one, that you should work together and make the marriage work?
Many women choose to stay in a marriage with a "bad" man mostly when :
they don't have any other place to live
Own family doesn't support
Not much education
no source of income
for the sake of children
But Allah finds a way for you. I know a couple of women who opted to walk out of a abusive marriages and have done extremely well after that. A marriage is not the key thing in life , it's not a indicator that you are living a good life. It's just how you look at things , you can either choose to merely exist **in this worldby putting up with abuse or you can choose to **live your life by standing up for yourself.
So many women put with abuse just to not let go of the status of being married. Someone said here that physical abuse should not be put up with but I can tell you that emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse. Physical abuse causes injuries that can be cured but emotional abuse damages a person's personality and soul beyond repair , you end up living with the feeling of being abused for the rest of your life.
All excuses. They are still in the relationship because they are idiots and refuse to stand up for themselves. Any woman that stays in an abusive relationship has only herself to blame. Nobody else.
Edit: As for the crock about mothers instincts and sacrifice for the children, that is complete and utter bull****. Children who grow up in abusive households including spousal abuse end up worse off than a child growing up in a normal household. So women who do it for their children are actually ensuring the child grows up in a bad environment with worse chances for the future.
women are more attracted to people who exhib characteristics of the "Dark Tiad", evolutionarily (although not the best spouses) they would have been the "fittest". Extraordinarily manipulative, great liars :) , charming, psychopathic, narcissistic and with above average intelligence etc. It would make sense that you want the alpha Dawg. As "bad" as that may seem...
Its not emotionally condusive, but then our genetic predilections are more objective than Hollywood (or Bollywood) would care to suggest.
women are more attracted to people who exhib characteristics of the "Dark Tiad", evolutionarily (although not the best spouses) they would have been the "fittest". Extraordinarily manipulative, great liars :) , charming, psychopathic, narcissistic and with above average intelligence etc. It would make sense that you want the alpha Dawg. As "bad" as that may seem...
Its not emotionally condusive, but then our genetic predilections are more objective than Hollywood (or Bollywood) would care to suggest.
^that
love the alpha male, especially the intelligent ones. rawr
maybe they're in love with the bad guy? and forgive him for his bad behavior each time? when you love someone you don't think whether he is mistreating you or not, you just keep on loving coz you can't help loving that person. love is blind and makes you helpless.
One of my classmates told a story once. Her sister was in an abusive relationship and she couldn't get out cause every morning the husband would line up bullets on their dresser and told her that there was one for every child if she ever told anyone.....