Why the FOB-phobia?

[redvelvet]

@diwana

It is true what may be a big deal for someone can make a negative impact on the relationship during marriage. No one should be forced or coerced for these matters.

**Yes, no one should be coerced to marry someone that they’re not into. A marriage should involve mutual desire and attraction. You can’t have a healthy relationship with someone who is constantly turned off by you. To each his own. One can complain and moan and judge all they want, but in the end we ALL have our preferences.

** However, I think the essence of question asked was why generalize FOB/FOP. And the trivial matters that have become big matters for ABCD’s.

For ABCDS? LOL. I believe it’s across the board and can be seen in many cultures. What might be a trivial matter to an ABCD can be a mountain of a matter to someone dwelling in the motherland. Why confine something that is part of HUMAN NATURE…to just one race??? That is the the BIGGER question in my opinion.

On a different note, many FOP’s are not too thrilled to marry ABCD’s either for many other reasons.

Okay…so? Some ABCDS are not that into FOBS. And some FOBS have their preconceived negative notions about ABCDS and may not be that into them either. Once again…all across the board…we ALL can be picky about other human beings and material things. We do it often but may not even be aware of it. I’m not going to confine having preferences/being picky/having pet peeves to just one group of people.

@Reha

I know what you’re saying 8…but to me I just feel like we as Pakistani Muslims have established soooooo many qualifying factors in our potential mates that its becoming harder and harder for girls to get married. They dont want this, they dont want that, so on and so forth. An accent has nothing to do with how a man will be there for you in your time of need or make you happy.

But at the same time, you have a very valid point. What works for me does not necessarily work for others. I just wish it did!

8?? Sigh… Anyhow…

If it’s going to be a problem, just don’t be on the “look out” for her. And if you still want to help here…then ask her what she wants exactly in a guy…and keep those qualities in mind during your search.

Matchmaking or matchmakers should keep in mind that the other person is not obligated to agree to the rishtas/suggestions posed…and that what is right in the matchmaker’s eyes…may not appeal to the client (I know you’re not running a business here. Just a general comment). The last thing that a friend or even a professional matchmaker would want is for someone to “settle” out of pressure or guilt trips from family/society…and not be wholeheartedly interested in their partner…marriage is hard enough as it is.

^ She’s lucky to have a caring friend in you, Reha. INshaAllah things will work out