diwana
March 20, 2010, 11:08pm
29
A variety of things can be a “big deal” to people when searching for a spouse. I think many of us would like to believe that we’re open-minded at all times, but I think most of us can be a bit shallow/petty/picky about various things. Human nature. And it’s not only confined to rishtay, but other situations as well. You’ll find people who prefer brand name handbags or clothes when they could find something just as good that isn’t under a prominent designer label.
And we all have pet peeves. Certain traits, habits, accents, sounds, smells can get on our nerves. By “fob” your friend might be referring to accent or image. For example, a New York or Southern accent might annoy some people. Or a woman might desire a man who is more masculine as opposed to metrosexual. Or she might want someone who has stronger facial features as opposed to the pretty boy look. A guy might want someone with curves as opposed to a stick-thin figure. Or a person of a certain profession. Or maybe he prefers a woman who is more feminine than tomboyish. Many of us are like that, Reha. Many of us just haven’t felt the “chemistry” for some reason that really truly was a big deal for us but may not be a big deal for another person.
It won’t be fair to the guy if the girl is so distracted/turned off by one or two of his traits that it’s preventing her from focusing on other more appealing qualities. If you’re that annoyed by her, then you have the option of not being on the rishta look-out for her. InshaAllah, she’ll find someone compatible wherever it’s meant to be and however it’s meant to be and through whomever it’s meant to be.
But to answer your question of “Is it A big Deal?”…Yes, for some people, it can be, that’s what makes it almost hard to say what is right and what is wrong. What works for you may not work for her and vice versa. We’re all individuals who are prone to being picky about various things. Different strokes for different folks.
It is true what may be a big deal for someone can make a negative impact on the relationship during marriage. No one should be forced or coerced for these matters.
However, I think the essence of question asked was why generalize FOB/FOP. And the trivial matters that have become big matters for ABCD’s.
On a different note, many FOP’s are not too thrilled to marry ABCD’s either for many other reasons.