Why so much tension?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

So I have a few friends who have kids, but the way they describe their daily routines sounds as if only they are raising kids and managing their homes and like all hell breaks loose in their homes, and oh how overwhelmed they are because ohhhhhhhh they have so much on their plates.

So I told one such friend of my this morning that she needs to take her life responsibilities as her responsibilities and not challenges and have a positive outlook towards them rather then feel sorry for herself. It’s not as if she’s the only one who has to feed her kid and put him to bed.

Well she got upset at my attitude (:D) and I was like, whatever.

Anyway, my question to you all is that don’t you think having a positive attitude about what you have to do on a daily basis makes a difference in the way you handle them? Does whining really get you anywhere? Shouldn’t we be solution oriented rather than focused on the situation?

And can we please not make this a stay home mom vs. working mom debate as I’m talking about general attitude here :smack:.

2

Re: Why so much tension?

You should only whine in front of your spouse (occasionally … like maybe once a month) so that they don’t start taking you for granted :snooty:

3

Re: Why so much tension?

lol that is a good idea :slight_smile:

i don’t think whining gets you anywhere i don’t have kids of my own yet but i’ve seen othe people stress over them like there isn’t anything harder i’m not saying that raising kids is easy but yes focusing on the solution to the problem and keeping a positive approach to every situation will not only make life easier but resolve the situation faster

4

Re: Why so much tension?

niksik, its a question of being organized and committed.
but that is the enabler, it is more so a question of priorities.
some ppl tackle kids as an inconvenience, taking away from their lives and adding tons of responsibilities.
how one prioritizes it reflects in how they address it

5

Re: Why so much tension?

^^ absolutely...

What I don't understand is that why does one need to see their kids as a burden, if you may...They are part of your life and it's only natural that a parent must take care of their needs. Its not rocket science..why the I'm doing such a big favor or what a martyr am I sort of attitude?

6

Re: Why so much tension?

Maybe they're just whining as a way of venting their frustrations? I know a lot of people who complain about their kids but when they're with their kids they're incredibly patient and positive. Even though everyone has kids I don't imagine it's an easy job so I just always assumed everyone needed to whine about just to release their frustration. Coz at the same time I've seem these same parents go on about how wonderful their kids are too and how it's such a lovely experience etc etc.

7

Re: Why so much tension?

i shall add another dimension to this whining and feeling anxious and like life is crazy as a parent

WHEN

you have a more than demanding child. now all children are demanding... but some are just constant tension and pressure.

i shall give my example.

my son had severe acid reflux issues... constant throwing up and no sleep. i couldnt stay positive at all... life was all bout screaming, crying and just not wanting to be a parent thus responsible for this mess of a being.

if someone had come to me and told me to stay positive and thats what parenting is all bout i would have slapped the jesus out of them. actually some did and they sure did get an earful from me.

the anxiety, panic attacks, constant fear... it just kept me from wanting to do anything with my son

sure you can remain positive and just make the best of your coming day as a parent ... only if things are under your control. (this doesnt mean a hissy toddler or a hyperactive child that just doesnt want to listen)... if you have eating and sleeping habits pat down, its all sunshine and roses. everything else you can handle with maturity and responsibility and yes, fun.

BUT... if you have a child that is not sleeping nor eating and is generally not faring well... its not peaches since things are not in your hands... you can try to stay positive cuz hey, where would negativity take you, may as well stay positive.... but it just doesnt work like that.. didnt for me

now that my son is much much better... its like im a new parent... days are fun filled, doing much more with my son, he is a yr and a half and is developing quite an attitude but even that im handling well... his development is in my hands and that feels much better than how it was just a few months ago...

it all just boils down to your mental state as a parent.

otherwise x2 also gave a very true statement..

also... my friends have the easiest babies ever.. sure they throw a tantrum here and a boo hoo there like an average kid... so they wouldnt know the hardships that some parents face trying to raise their non perfect crop

8

Re: Why so much tension?

maybe its a cry for attention :) maybe there is a lack of support and it is manifesting itself in complaints.

this is not true just for kids, how many times have we seen ladies complain about housework and chores. I simply dont get why for newly weds, keeping a 2 bed condo clean and cooking a meal a day is such a huge issue. I think its similar. and not to spare the guys, I also dont understand why for some their responsibility ends as soon as they set foot in the house and have minimal investment of time or effort with home and kids. sab nawab hain shayad.

9

Re: Why so much tension?

Some people like to whine.... they will even whine when their kids have left for college. It's more of a personality thing not having a kid /responsibilities thing

10

Re: Why so much tension?

^Oh I know of such a person.... such people are too annoying. After knowing them for a couple of years, you do find out whether the person is whining out of habit or due to genuine frustration.

11

Re: Why so much tension?

here is a kicker. Most of the time people who complain has LOT OF FALTOO TIME. People who are really busy rarely have a time to complain. One of my wife’s friend can spend two hours on phone complaining how she does not get time to clean up kitchen and how she does not get time to “daikh bhaal her self” but eeeh :smack:

Only if both husband and wife and put in a little effort instead complaining, there will be no reason to complain.

12

Re: Why so much tension?

Khwateen, I understand situations where kids may be going through a health challenge, etc...so you spend more time in caring for them and worry is natural. I'm talking more about the women such as what DC6 mentions right above, the constant whiners, and trust me, the ones I'm talking about have doting husbands who feel labor pain along with them :D...so it isn't that they aren't getting attention...too much perhaps? And so whining becoming a habit?

And also blaming your husband for things not getting done, or taking all the credit for all good things...common traits in these ladies as well.

13

Re: Why so much tension?

not everybody has an easy smooth life. just because you might have a good husband and for the most part sweet little kids doesn't mean everybody will have it made easy for them.

some women might not get the help you might get at home from your husband or family members, not all people have understanding husbands or wives or parents, they might have had the good easy life before but now they might have lots of troubles or tough times that you might not see. when we have the good life, we tend to not realize the problems that others might be facing.

so you really need to maybe just see it from their side of things and just be an understanding friend sometimes. just listen to their problems and not see it as "whining"

14

Re: Why so much tension?

My rant is that these whiners will try to start a club. One such whiner asked my wife , how come she does not complain about being overworked , she gave an honest answer that she is not overwhelmed or overworked ever. She takes it easy and everything is going smooth.

15

Re: Why so much tension?

True. But if you read my above posts, you'll see I'm not taking of those women who have it bad...or have a lack of support of some sort...In fact, most such women are actually quite tough and handle situations very well. It is true of course that unless we are in a situation, it's hard to judge it all the way, but again, when you meet some people on a regular basis you can sense their general attitude after some time.

16

Re: Why so much tension?

Most people whining are looking for attention, during the whole time that they are on the phone complaining there is not a single peep from their very demanding children. Maybe they want to be praised for all the "Hard work" they talk about doing
i have it hard with my daughter but the most ill say if someone asks is that she takes up all my time.

17

Re: Why so much tension?

i’ve seen 2 or 3 of these kids to one mother and i feel bad for the mothers, i can bet they have major tension when one kid is running one direction and the second in another direction not listening to one word she’s saying. kids similar to this one.

:smiley:

PS: ignore what the commercial is for, wanted to just show that i’ve seen kids like this in the real world. if the mods want to delete it for the risque title it’s ok but i would feel concerned for parents of such kids,especially if one spouse might not be the all helping person he/she might show themselves as being in public.

18

Re: Why so much tension?

Oh good GOD! nO wonder its banned..its messed up in so many ways :nahi:

but in all seriousness…I have seen bratty kids, yes, but I still want to know, are kids normally like that in the video, or is it developmental issues, or just upbringing…or a combination of all?

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Re: Why so much tension?

i know wat u mean niksik .. a relative deos same thing with me .. i was really getting sick of it .. i think she was doing it ot make me feel guilty that i didnt have such responiblities but then every female has 2 go thru this once theyr married n i will also when time comes .. also i think she just wanted me to feel sorry for her n help her out with her bratty kids even more or keep spedning money on them .. but i had enough .. plus i think its the attention n things too n jealousy of others lifestyle

drama queens tehy r who do this i tell ya!

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Re: Why so much tension?

I was coming out of Target last week when I saw a tantrum display like that… father had the child kicking and screaming in his arms, was holding him tight and going out to the parking lot, my car was parked next to his so I saw the whole thing … he put him in his car seat, buckled him up and said you have 5 minutes to calm down, then we’re going straight home… meanwhile the mom also came out in a couple of minutes with another boy (a calm one) and they all waited outside the car (I guess for 5 minutes while the boy was supposed to calm down). Thats what I would do if my child started throwing a tantrum, pick them up and just walk out instead of letting them scream and throw things around or give in to their tantrum.