well one of my dear khala is like that, she keeps complaining how she has to cook everyday and how her husband can spot if she keep reheating the same salan and give him 3-4 days in a row with different vegetables, and I used to be like please you are housewife with lots of help at home, the only thing that is expected of you at home is to make sure the food is made by herself and go with the driver when the kids are being droppedoff and picked up from school.
Some ppl are genuinely over whelmed at home, other just like to fuss about it.
I think that in the west, raising kids a just plain harder. Unless you are lucky enough to have a bunch of helpful sister, aunties and grandparents around, it is all on you. All of it. And unless you have a child, you have no idea how much they eat your brain. Seriously. They want constant attention, and I don't mean necessarily in a bad or spoiled way. Constant expectation that every thought that runs through their head must come out their mouths. And so you can't even think, you can't pay attention to your own thoughts in your head. I see adults who can ignore/not hear their kids, but I am not one of them. Imagine how tense and frazzled you would be if you were not allowed to have your own thoughts. It wears on you. You don't want to dampen their excitement and energy, but they fill up the air with sound a lot of the time, to no purpose other than to say to the world "I am here! I exist!"
My son was a big baatuna until he was about 9. It was very hard, especially in the beginning (we adopted him at 3). Imagine that the person you are with most of your waking hours talks constantly. Your brain is being constantly jerked over to pay attention to him/her. It makes doing all the everyday tasks of the day much more of a struggle.
Also parents know what are the signs of bad behaviour/tantrum coming on, they know how well their child should/can behave, particularly in public, and they go on alert when they see indications that the child is going to be disruptive or annoying well before others can see it. This being on alert is stressful.
Whining doesn't do any good, but unless you have had to raise a child mainly on your own, you cannot appreciate how much of a 24/7 hypervigilance thing it is. Your brain is not left with any space to breathe. That's why some people let off steam through griping about it.
Some women literally like to have a constant pity party and have everyone around them boo hoo and say "you have it soooooo much rougher than the rest of the world". Its a different story if someone is complaining about real problems like their child is difficult or husband is mistreating them.
But if all someone sees or hears is whining about one small issue over another...then it gets tiring for the listener too. How many times can someone say "poor you"?
I have to say I did not adapt to the new motherhood well at all and constantly complained. I got pregnant a week after my wedding and had horrible first 4 months so I just complained all the time. I think having the right attitude makes a big difference. My mom sat me down and told me that I needed to stop treating myself like I am sick and get up and do the chores in the house that I was ignoring just because I felt I couldn't handle them. Being positive made my last few months of pregnancy much smoother than the first because I felt I could tackle everything a bit a time. I am not saying every women complains to get attention but in my case i think I wanted my husband and family to feel that it shouldn't have happened but in the end I was so thankful to Allah that I had my daughter early and we can have so much fun now :)
Every situation is different I think. For some women or even men being a parent can mean they don't have a life of their own. I've seen it. They are wonderful people but their life as a parent is different. I agree that unecessary whining is bad but some women do have it harder when they have no help whatsoever, their child or children are difficult to raise, they have responsibilites of in laws.. looking after them etc.
Why do some women suffer from depression and some don't after having kids?? Everyone is different, you can't really compare one situation from another.
Some people vent about their stress by being vocal about it, and some are not. It's all about your approach on how to manage your stress. I don't think one way is necessarily better than another, but you don't have to listen to their stress stories for sure. You can always find other company that doesn't whine as much.
Every situation is different I think. For some women or even men being a parent can mean they don't have a life of their own. I've seen it. They are wonderful people but their life as a parent is different. I agree that unecessary whining is bad but some women do have it harder when they have no help whatsoever, their child or children are difficult to raise, they have responsibilites of in laws.. looking after them etc.
Why do some women suffer from depression and some don't after having kids?? Everyone is different, you can't really compare one situation from another.
very well said... especially the in laws bit... imagine having to be on your toes all the time and do things within someone elses timeframe... if that doesnt put stress on your already sleep deprived mind, i dont knwo what would.
i have pretty laid back in laws but i the difference is night and day between me raising a kid with them around as well as taking care of the household, and then the same scenerio but with them out of the country. relaxed, rainbows and peaches is how it is.
so situations also play a major role.
i havent been exposed to useless whining moms yet so i really dont know... they all have valid reasons for their oh no's