why in life should we at certian times adjust to something we may call sub-standard…why should we live sub standardly ever, women are usually told to adjust. why. why dont we all deserve to live the way we want, a better life,why should anyone do guzaara…i want to live not just survive, which is wat i feel im doing here. and comments like `adjust karna hai ur a girl, u got married and the girl usually comes to her husbands house, if the husbands house is in pak, a decent house but still has all the issues pakistan has, should we adjust or ask for better.roof over head and enough to eat isnt good enough…
Re: why should we adjust?
You should ask for your own house, cook, maid, nanny, car, driver, two phone lines (one dedicated to the in laws which you don't need to answer), 2 cell phones (for the same reason), four round trip tickets per year for home sickness, a group of friends you can sit with and talk about stuff (and by stuff i mean in laws).. this is just a starter. You can add stuff that you desire. Best of luck in your endeavors. :D
Re: why should we adjust?
A desi girl wanting a better life = greedy
A desi guy wanting better life = ambitious
Nothing wrong with wanting a better standard of living if you + your husband can afford it..
Re: why should we adjust?
**these things happen to women when they are economically weaker. women must improve themselves and then they will be able to dictate their terms to their hubbies and for that education is a must...higher education that is! this is a sad part of our society which is dominated by men...unreasonable men!
majboorii insaan se vo sab karvaatii hai jo vo az Khud razaakaaraanah taur pe kabhii na kare.**
Re: why should we adjust?
A desi girl wanting a better life = greedy
A desi guy wanting better life = ambitious
Nothing wrong with wanting a better standard of living if you + your husband can afford it..
once again, you are incorrect.
Re: why should we adjust?
willingness to adjust shows weakness..........we all know women aren't weak or fragile.........so don't adjust if you are a real woman..........if you adjust....you support negative stereotype....and contributing towards oppression of women..
its time to stand up for your rights....
Re: why should we adjust?
For the single--best solution is to not marry someone who has a different lifestyle than you or comes from a different country etc. Now I know people here will call it being materialistic or whatever, but it's one of the factors of compatibility...coming from a similar background/lifestyle.
Otherwise I don't get one thing, why did you agree to marry him since this was one of the things that was decided on before marriage?
its one thing for circumstances to change, but when something is agreed upon before marriage...why bother agreeing when you're going to whine and complain later
Re: why should we adjust?
A desi girl wanting a better life = greedy
A desi guy wanting better life = ambitious
Nothing wrong with wanting a better standard of living if you + your husband can afford it..
once again, you are incorrect.
I think she has a point...any girl who wants to have a "good" life or nice things is considered greedy/materialistic etc....even if she can afford it herself, there's a whole bunch of crap said about her...
its not the same for guys.
Re: why should we adjust?
once again, you are incorrect.
And which part is incorrect exactly? Or do you not really know what point you're trying to make..
Re: why should we adjust?
Here i am agreed with Sara516... Why did you marry him in first place when you knew that you would have to live in Pakistan? Now if you have to live here then why complains...... try to take action rather than complaining. Why are you compromising only... can't you talk to your husband what do you want in your life. If you want a better life and you want to do it by doing a job then convince him.
You know what I have observed in you? You have given up. You just think that you can't do anything now and you have got stuck in Pakistan. Many women are living here and having a successful family and professional life. You can do whatever you want to do.
Woh kia kehty hain something like that "when there is a will there is a way".
Re: why should we adjust?
No matter who you marry, a person with same life style or not, you have to adjust more or less. Its true for both girls and guys.
If you dont want to adjust, dont get married. Stay single but hey, even then you have to adjust your life as per your married friend’s timings, if you Dr is busy, you have to adjust your schedule to see your Dr, if your Tax attorney is busy, you have to adjust as per his schedule and this goes on.
Its pity we adjust for so many non-actors in our life but if we have to adjust a bit for our life-partner, our naaak goes sky rocketing and all of sudden we realize that we want to live our life.
oh by the way if you REALLY WANT TO LIVE LIFE WITHOUT ANY RESTRICTIONS, I’d suggest you charter a plane and para-jump into one of the following tribes in Amazon rain forest. Hopefully they have no restrictions on ‘lifestyle’
Re: why should we adjust?
Women cant go back in lifestyle and men cant go back sexually per Chris Rock.
Re: why should we adjust?
Sometimes you so make it sound like as if you married the wrong person, and its sad because you had the full say in your marriage.
I suggest you to read biography of Jemima Khan, an Anglo-Jewish girl, a billionaire heiress who was literally raised as a Royalty in Britain left everything behind and lived with Imran's parents as a Muslim woman and a traditional wife/DIL/mother.
She mentions something very interesting in her biography she says (paraphrasing of course) that 'when I look back at my life in Pakistan, I say to myself: God, how I did I manage to do all that... but when I think of Imran, it all perfectly falls into a place'. She clearly gives credit to the level of respect she had for Imran, his parents and people and culture of Pakistan (unlike you she was literally an outsider) And if it wasn't for Imran's political career and all the extraordinary events that came with it, they still would've been married today (he himself admits that)
I think you really need to decide whether you really have the dedication, respect and hope in your husband to find peace within the union, because lets face it, you are not being betrayed here....you knew the realities from day one! This is just a simple following of the script that signed yourself, you are seriously not the victim you want people to think you are.
Re: why should we adjust?
Adjustment toh hoti hai I agree.... but its easier to adjut to someone who has a similar lifestyle to you than someone who has an opposite lifesytle.
Re: why should we adjust?
Amazing video!
Re: why should we adjust?
i dont know sara.i agree with what you said. I maybe thought life would be better here, in certain ways. I thought maybe halaat would be better by then. but hey its worse. so do i have no right to feel like this now. My husband kept saying to me even 3 years ago, dont worry halaat teek ho jayyenge,they havent. so whose fault is it. he wants to live with his parents. ok. he will never leave them he says. and im just as much a prioroty he says. hes not a bad husband, hes a good guy, but i feel like in a tug of war maybe id lose.
I mean 2 blasts last month alone in this city, and one few days ago......he says we will move back, soon, after his sisters wedding next yr, maybe soon after that but most likely 3 years time....to be honest if this wasnt a war zone, id be ok with it, considering hallat are bad, economy bad, no jobs, sub standard living, as in no bijli at tims, too hot, cant go out much, and then his parents just downright moody esp MIL, how am i meant to adjust....
Re: why should we adjust?
Sometimes you so make it sound like as if you married the wrong person, and its sad because you had the full say in your marriage.
I suggest you to read biography of Jemima Khan, an Anglo-Jewish girl, a billionaire heiress who was literally raised as a Royalty in Britain left everything behind and lived with Imran's parents in Islamabad as a Muslim woman and a traditional wife/DIL/mother.
She mentions something very interesting in her biography she says (paraphrasing of course) that when I look back at my life in Pakistan, I say to myself God, how I did I manage all that but when I think of Imran, it all perfectly falls into a place. And if it wasn't for Imran's political career and all the extraordinary events that came with it they still would've been marraied today (he himself says it)
I think you really need to decide whether you really have the dedication, respect and hope in your husband to find peace within the union, because lets face it, you are not being betrayed here....you knew the realities from day one! This is just a simple following of the script that signed yourself, you are seriously not the victim you want people to think you are.
hmmm good idea. Now if only i can find the book in this damn place, i doubt it. How long did she stay in pak for? but im sure she was leading a billionaire lifestyle here as well, yes with its restrictions, however the rich have it all here, the rich and powerfulm and she was that.
Re: why should we adjust?
....to be honest if this wasnt a war zone, id be ok with it, ..
but that place has been a war zone for sometime now.....nothing new.
the power outages are nothing new
the economy being bad is nothing new
sub standard living with no entertainment is nothing new
temperature is nothing new
all inlaws can be moody at times....nothing special or new
perhaps you knew all this and agreed......perhaps you have found that you have limitations.
have you tried admitting this to your husband and letting him know that you are on the verge of a breakdown?
have you shared your heartfelt dissatisfaction with him and asked for his help?
Re: why should we adjust?
The thing is his mum thinks she can look after/treat/knows better about my daughter than i do. she hates it if i conradicit her. and she gets moody and wont talk. this is her habit. moodyness, sulkiness, then playing victim to her son how bimaaarr she is, yet she still slaves for her husband how come i dont slave for mine. she has all the worlds bimaaris apparently, anyone in the world can have any illness, she will have it worse she says, whatever it is. im now preg, have morning sickness etc, she says oh ur ok i had it like this .......... only she can be ill, they just disrespectful. why does anyone need to adjust to disrespectfulnes...
Re: why should we adjust?
but that place has been a war zone for sometime now.....nothing new. the power outages are nothing new the economy being bad is nothing new sub standard living with no entertainment is nothing new temperature is nothing new all inlaws can be moody at times....nothing special or new
perhaps you knew all this and agreed......perhaps you have found that you have limitations. have you tried admitting this to your husband and letting him know that you are on the verge of a breakdown? have you shared your heartfelt dissatisfaction with him and asked for his help?
yes. he listens. but he doesnt think its sop bad. he says we will go bk. just not yet.what is he meant to do.