Why Most Of The Guys .......

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Why Most Of The Guys .......

umm . i dunnu know of many guyz who prefer arranged mostly it's love marriges LOL

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys .......

Well think about it this way, a girl who goes out with you, sleeps with you, etc...is that really someone you want as a mother of your children, grandma to your future grandchildren?? Hell NO!!! I dunno any Muslim guy that would (whether Paki, Arab, Afghan etc..).

Those aren't wives or mothers, their I dunno, I like to think of them as "life experience enhancers".

Even a girl who talks freely or openly and mixes/mingles with boys, even a girl like that YOU DON"T WANT!! (As a wife that is).

The nice shareef girls, the ones you want as a future wife/mother to your kids, their not going to date you, only way to marry them is to go through their father. Now that is respect, that is honor. I respect those type of girls so much.

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys .......

I know loads of Arab guys who have married their gfs (inc English non-Muslim ones, tho don't want to get into the rights or wrongs of it here).. You see these situations a lot in London..

Also, not uncommon for them to marry women a bit older or divorcees.. A lot of the things that carry stigma in our culture aren't considered as big a deal in theirs..

Bottom line is if a Muslim guy falls in love he won't care if the girl has slept with him or others..

The ones who sleep with a girl then run off to mummy and daddy to find them a virgin obviously haven't had those feelings there in the first place.. The extreme mentality of it being ok for a guy to be sleeping with loads of girls then demanding or expecting a virgin is present in other cultures but thankfully not quite as widespread as in ours, most other men aren't quite as insecure.. (the fact that so many Arab men will consider a divorcee for marriage whilst the vast majority of Desi men won't shows that)

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys .......

OP, I think you're right, most desi guys do like the arranged marriage system.. I think cos it's so much less hassle for them and less chance of being turned down by the girl in question.. (most girls are brought up to believe unless there is actually something really wrong with the guy they have a duty to say 'yes').. From the guys' point of view they don't have to do much to prove themselves or make as much effort as they would have to if they were going down the love marriage route..

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys …

how?

I just said:

I meant that some guys are such retards that no sane girl will marry them willingly, hence they prefer arranged marriage because for them, it’s the only way they will ever get married. How does that make the love marriage ones sluts???:khums:

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys .......

Desperate indeed will be the girl who agrees to marry an barbarian such as yourself.

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys …

:smack2::smack2::smack2:

here are some basic lessons

arranged marriage != marry who ever parents tell you to
arranged marriage ≅ parents helping out to find a suitable partner, ∧ you have the choice to accept or reject

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys …

As if ALL the girls are sane…and the ‘insane’ girls do not need arrange marriage (to be accepted)?? :rolleyes:

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys …

This kind of reminded me, I met an Arab girl yesterday and she was telling me how our culture is so much more relaxed and liberal and ohw Muslim women have more rights, than in her culture. I couldn’t stop laughing. :hehe:

My point is, like yours and a few others’ posts here, that the generalization behind people who go for arranged marriage is really unfair.

Just like ppl have stupid assumptions about girls who go for love marriage (like the genius who says, a girl who talks freely/openly with guys isn’t fit to be the mother of your children), stereotypes about guys who go for arranged marriages are silly as well.

By all means, do whatever makes you and your family happy, arranged or love, but why the need to put the “other” down?
PS, and no my marriage wasn’t arranged.

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys .......

Hey,Where do you all desi people live ?! I don't see paki guys sleeping around ! I mean i am friends with the engineers,scientists,accountants etc.People who want to do something with their lives.Which type of guys you see doing those things ? Offcourse,these guys must have no objectives or priorities in life.I think only unemployed guys or non-passionate guys do sleep around .Maybe i m friends with good people.

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys .......

Not all guys want arranged marriages, some do, and some don't.

A girl is going to appreciate a guy that goes through her father. That shows that he is respectful. If he wants to date and sleep with you obviously that isn't the type of guy that you want. Do you want a guy that sleeps around? That has touched so many girls? Do you want a used piece with baggage? Do you want this guy to be the father of your kids? Is this the name that you want to take on with yours? I dunno any muslim girl that wants this.

These aren't the guys that you want to spend the rest of your life with. These are as desi aunties like to call them "hanky pankies" that you should avoid at all cost.

I was wondering the same thing.

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys .......

arranged marriages work because compatibilities between the families and the guy and girl are properly evaluated. The rishta is thought through and agreed upon by elders, and other members of the family.

You don't know a guy or girl until you hear opinions about what others tell you (such as brothers, sisters, cousins, friends, relatives etc)

Love is blind, hence why you consider your significant other perfect, and accept all their faults no matter how horrible those faults may be.

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys .......

Unfortunately Paki guys do sleep around. It's very common especially amongst teenagers, even as they get into their 20s. You are right that most educated people or the one's who are career oriented, may not choose to go that route. But my cousin was telling me it's like a weekend sort of activity for guys in Pakistan to go to those markets and sleep with prostitutes. And then they all get together and discuss it. Then again I believe cheap guys do such acts, and not the good ones. So yea I would definitely get a guy I don't know from Pakistan, tested for HIV etc.

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys .......

^ the moment you say that .. peole will reject the rishta...(even those who didn't sleep around)

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys .......

I'd much prefer a guy to approach me directly than go thru my dad (esp as I've seen cases where the girl wasn't even told about the guy simply cos their parents weren't that keen on him, often for petty reasons like his dad or mum had the wrong job or didn't live in a nice area)..

My other half has been in relationships and I don't see him as a 'used piece' with baggage at all (and that would make me 'used' as well lol).. As well as the spark and the attraction as long as I can trust him and he's a decent person I'm happy.. Fair enough if u or others feel the need to only marry a virgin but nowadays not everyone does.. In fact I couldn't have cared less who he was seeing prior to meeting me, that's in the past and that's where it's going to stay.

What u've written is a lot like what EDAL has said but in reverse..

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys .......

well when I mean guy you don't know..I mean that someone you and your family have no info on, and have no way of getting info on that guy because they might not have family in Pak or mutual friends that know the guy or his family.

I would rather have a rejected Rishta, then marry someone I knew who slept around and didn't get tested.

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys .......

Love is blind but then again in arranged marriage scenarios most of the people linked to the guy will hide the bad stuff (inc a lot of the aunties).. We actually know of a desi guy who owns a nightclub over here and his idiot parents are looking for a nice 'decent' girl for him and telling everyone he owns just a restaurant.. They specifically want a girl who hasn't been in any relationships even tho he has slept with half the town himself..

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys .......

Good for you, but thats is not what most girls want.

The guy can't have any interactions with a female. If he is about to ride a bus and there is a girl on it, then he should sit on the rooftop. If he goes out to eat and there is a girl at the restaurant he should eat underneath the table and write his order on a post-it note so no female can hear his voice. If he is at the beach and some girl jumps into the water, he should stay underwater until the said female leaves. If he is driving and the driver in front or behind him is a female, he should drive in the opposite direction. He should live in a basement with a separate entrance to avoid having any contact with his mom or sisters.

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys .......

yea I've heard of cases similar to the ones you are telling me,where the family lies about the guy and the marriage ends up in divorce. You can't just believe everything family tells you, find out about them in the community and from people that know them. Ask around, that's a good way of knowing.. People will end up telling the truth, listen to what their close circle of friends and relatives have to say and then ask other people such as at the masjid, college, work area as well. Thoroughly investigate and take your time, don't rush into a rishta, everyone I know who rushed into a rishta, ended in a divorce.

Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong if you've had a past, majority have a past, if you like someone and talk to them, there is no harm, and whatever else the case might be. I think it just teaches us something about people and what we really want or don't want in a life partner. But if I was getting involved with someone who had a past and his ex or other people warned me about him, I would think twice. Fact is, others do see things you may not.

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Re: Why Most Of The Guys .......

How do u know most girls only want men to go thru their fathers??

I would have thought it would be split both ways.. a lot of girls in the west would feel uncomfortable only having proposals sent via the father and likewise back in Pakistan or in the East a lot would feel uncomfortable being approached directly..

Oh, and a guy is allowed interaction with a female as long as they aren't left alone and there is a need and on what planet is it considered bad to have contact with ur** own sister(s) or mother??**

In the days of Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) men and women even prayed in the same room, just with the women behind the men so that stuff about the two sexes not being allowed anywhere near each other at all is obviously not true.. only crazy Wahhabis are that obsessed with extreme gender segregation..