Why ME???

Lifestyle Relationships
1

One of my bestest buddies on the planet is pissing me off. As in she is about to get her head bitten off by me. Here is the reason:

Im a very open minded person. By that I mean I try not to have any preconceived notions or ideas about any race, ethnicity or creed. I deal with people as just that…human beings who happen to be darker, lighter, heavier, hairier, whatever. The point is, I dont care if you’re Indian, Puerto Rican, Punjabi, Nigerian, Mahajir, Swiss or anything for that matter…I will speak to you like I would speak to someone of the same nationality/ethnicity/origin as myself. Ive been told that is a very ABCD mentality…like its a bad thing to leave prejudice behind and only the refined and cultured should hold onto their ideas of bigotry.

I grew up in the States in a completely white-washed area…I had my share of racism thrown at me and I refuse to be a part of the problem.

The philosophy I live by is simple: I will not contribute to any sort of hate towards anyone. I may not be enough to change the world but I will do my part. NO, I dont hate Indians or India. NO, I dont think Punjabis are Paindus. NO, I dont think Black people deserve to live in slums. Someday, someone will turn around and sling that mud right back at me and at that point…I wont be so innocent myself.

She does not get this and the issue is she is my best friend. I see her and talk to her almost everyday! How can I be buddies with someone like this? Her views literally make me want to throw up and I feel like screaming at her. Instead, I argue my point and then switch topics. Its becoming a problem in our friendship now…tension and just complete annoyance! We were at Pier 1 and dropped something at the register because it was MADE IN INDIA! And now, Punjabis are snide, backstabbers who run around cutting peoples’ throats left and right. I HATE LISTENING TO THIS KIND OF CRAP!!!

What do I do? WHY ME???!!!

P.S. - She wasnt like this before…this is a recent development.

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Re: Why ME???

What is she?

And did she really drop merchandise because it was made in India? Weren't you embarassed to be associated with her?

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Re: Why ME???

You Do Nothing. Straight and Simple. Ignore Her.

I know Exactly what you mean. To ignore the person is the best way to deal with it. Dont let her Bug you off. Just be Patient with her for now till she comes Round, cos am presuming she will come round to her right mind again. since you said she wasnt like this before. so she was prolly influenced by something or someone.

Wish you All the Luck :)

4

Hey Reha,

You say that your friend wasn't like this before and this is a recent development.......so any idea what's going on with her? Did something happen with her recently that might have triggered such a negative outlook?

Try talking to her, Reha. Sit her down and tell her that you've never seen her act like this before and ask her if everything is okay. I remember you saying your friend is Desi (Aisha?)....but if she's from a different background, try telling her that you love her regardless of her background and your appreciate her as an individual. Tell her how her comments make you feel and why they bother you. For example, let's say that she's making anti-Punjabi comments for instance....you can tell her that you have many Punjabi friends and that it makes you feel uncomfortable hearing her say such negative comments.
Try educating her........expose her to friendly people from groups that she is prejudiced about. And sometimes you find yourself in a situation where you have to tell your friend that negative comments are bringing negative energy into your relationship and is weighing it down. I've been there before.....and sometimes a straightforward discussion really helps.

The Hi/Bye Thread
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Re: Why ME???

We need to build a wall to keep the Messicans out... :D

Jokes aside, that's pretty sh.t minded of your friend. I don't know what I would do, but I don't like to surround myself with bigots and people who spread hate, they are the problem.

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Re: Why ME???

Aisha...that is actually not a bad idea...exposing her to different types of people and letting her see for herself. What do I do? Like organize a dinner or something?

No, its not Aisha thats turned all Nazi on me...its another girl friend of mine. She is from Karachi...same area Im from.

You know, not everything shakes me up like this. But seeing one person behave this way towards another...gets me so worked up I dont know what to do!

Wht r u doing ?
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Re: Why ME???

^yeh I would just talk to her and tell her to cut it out, if she doesn't then it will mean losing a good friendship which sucks

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Reha, I remember you saying that you're mixed (Punjabi/Karachi/Pakistani/Indian) right? Does your friend know this about you? Either way....it's tactless. You mentioned you like to do themed dinners...............so.................how about a Punjabi cuisine for a themed dinner? And invite all your Punjabi friends over....if that's the group she's having issues with.

Or you know what? Why not invite friends from a variety **of races. Thus setting an example to your friend about being open to meeting people and getting to know them as **individuals.

That's what I learned in multicultural ed class a couple of years ago........the best way to remove prejudices.......is EDUCATION. And experience is the best teacher. So.....time for a party/lesson ;)

The Hi/Bye Thread
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Re: Why ME???

^ thats exactly what I was about to say - sit down with her and ask her why she thinks the way she does. Has something happened recently that changed her views?

& no you dont have to listen to this kind of crap - the only reason why you are is because shes' your friend! However, you can tell her tht just because one person is bad or wasnt nice to her doesnt mean everyone is like that..

on the other hand however, if i were you I would honestly just back off - sometimes these things get soo out of hand especially during confrontations that you can end up losing friends over it.. so maybe weigh it out.. a little bit of her blabbering versus losing her friendship? if shes such a good friend maybe you can overlook this habit. I know how much it might bother you, but unfortunately we dnt have the same views about everything/everyone.
I hope she understands your trying to help her if you do decide to talk to her.. but sometimes just ignoring and staying quiet works out wayy better.. i find these kinda people learn their lessons on their own when theyre in the other persons' shoes!

The Hi/Bye Thread
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After discussing how 'easy' Indian women are, we're now discussing multicultural Ed here. How awesome.

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Re: Why ME???

PS , It might be another persons influence on her ? or it might just be one of those phases you know , that come and go ... you said she just recently developed it and hence feel definitely there is either another person in her life who is influencing her thoughts or negative experience that made her feel that way... those who hate hibitually can clearly be detected and she is not one of them ... so there is still hope ..

Ignore her sneery comments , stay away from arguments .. just let her know politely you are not interested in negative conversations ... and if you feel you cant take it anymore then just remember ,in majority cases friendship has a shelf life... Very very few exceptional friendships last a lifetime ...

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Re: Why ME???

your friend probably hasn't known enough of these people she dislikes on a personal level. i say let her be; and if she respects you, and sees how much this sort of behavior gets to you, she will make concessions on her prejudices. a lot of desis have tons of biases that tend to fade away with exposure. and if its a recent development, maybe its a lot less severe than you think. give it time and a pinch of patience.

in the worst case, most of us disagree with our friends on something or the other. i'm sure there are plenty of other reasons to like your friend. brush it off with a stamp of disapproval each time, but don't let it get to you. concentrate on the positives. you cant fix everything.

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^ I like advice given by a dung beetle..

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Re: Why ME???

well i will be honest, I kinda like her having issues with indians... If she has problem with indians only then i can understand her. But if she has problem with every race other than her then its not good.

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:eek: bells ringing. . !

I wont call him the best friend but he is/was a good friend and the only one in this city. We were good friends, i moved city, came back a year later and noticed him bit changed.Very judgmental and at times very annoying. Being from Islamabad he consider himself elite and the rest as paindoos and jahil. A pakistani with only good english skills, big degree or lots money is enf to impress him. He does not have his own view abt things and would follow the popular trend and base his point of view on “ohh, flann say that”. He doesnt accept that an ordinary person selling fruit on streets can say some words of wisdom. He is more into like"who is saying it" rather than “what is being said”.

Any ways, abt 6 months ago i really started to get pissed off by his comments, his judgmental opinions and … basically he became very annoying. At the time we used to meet up at least 3-4 times a week and spend lots of time with each other. I opened a thread here and also asked my other friends what to do abt it. Every one recommended to ignore him and stop seeing him which made sense and i did exactly. But he didnt get the message and use to call me to come over. I always made an excuse. It was bit hard to cut off in the beginning but now i dont feel the difference and have many other friends. So its been abt 4 months now I havent seen him, other than i went to pick him up from the Airport 3 weeks ago and our chit chat was very very formal. :bummer:

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Re: Why ME???

It isnt your job to educate your friends. Appreciate her for what she is. Let her know that you don't appreciate the racism. And keep topics prejudice free. Lots of fun.

Also, tell her that it is a universally acknowledged fact that Punjabis girls are hot.

That should settle that debate. :p

Timepass April 2013
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My inlaws are from Karachi and they are so racist! My mother in law is always insulting everyone EXCEPT Mohajirs (because that is what she is!) She even slanders Punjabis in front of me. So one day I said to her.."err..you do realize I am Punjabi right?" She said..Nahin beta...tum Kashmiri ho (my family is from Sri Nagar/Jummu sid) and then continued cussing them!

She is very friendly with everyone but she is particularly nicer to non Pakistanis. However, she thinks all the nice people she meets are not typical of the average gora etc..

My point is, you can introduce your friends to loads or new people but deep down inside she will always think of herself superior to everyone else.

You can try to preservere with Reds idea and keep introducing her to people and perhaps she will see the light. Or you could confront her and tell her that her comments make you uncomfortable because you dont hold such views and they will be deemed racist by anyone who hears them and request that she not make those comments in front of you. (this is what I did to MIL)

She will probably learn to hold her tongue if she wants to stick around with you or she will find your statements offensive and drop you..which is not a bad thing if she feels the need to continue insulting people.

Timepass April 2013
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Re: Why ME???

Also, very recently Ive acquired a friend with whome all i can do is *****. I look at his face and want to insult people. I am actually totally easy going so its confusing to be as to why. And vice versa. I say things I dont even know I am thinking. All because of his face. He said I was mean. But I know that being in my company makes him evil too.

Basically, some friendship dynamics are just "wicked" like that. You may bring out the worst as well as the best in each other.

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Re: Why ME???

i am not racist person at all, I have Indian friends and worked with jews and people from other faiths. but due to my political views,
I wouldnt buy anything that is made in Israel or India! If have bought it already without knowing it, I use them as normal.

I dont thinks this is racism. I would be really concerned if your friend is racist towards people just cause its race.

as you are american, for you Pakistan and India doesnt make difference.

on same note, My cousin bought one leather jacket from Zara.. for about £350 .... was very pleased about it, at home when she discovered that..."Made in Pakistan" she is really put off by this... and dont wear it anymore as its not worthy anymore of a designer stuff etc.. what will you call it? this person was born bred and educated in Pakistan, only moved to uk after wedding.

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20

Re: Why ME???

Well i think

they lady shud be more open-minded at look at the quality of the good rather than the make.

If we all starting acting narrow-mindedly then global trade would probably stop, and the world economy would collapse.

Unless you know that partcular good and its earnings is going to a haram or anti-muslim good you should not be predijucied towards it.