For the past few days, despondency has taken over me. Ever Since I been here life seems to suck. I miss Pakistan, I miss Lahore, I miss my brother & sister, I miss my friends and Most importantly I miss my kaam wali massi…
I guess this stage comes in every girls life when she has to decide on who to spent her whole life with. My mom was in Maryland , visiting some family friends. And day before yesterday she came back and told me how they have proposed me for their son. And she likes him too , and thinks it is a good idea… But ever since she has told me that, I m in a depressing phase. I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to spend my life seeking acceptance like my mother. My mother, a western has sacrificied twenty five years of her life to fit in my father’s family. Even after spending so much time trying to make everyone happy, doing everything their way, If some thing wrong happens even now , the blame goes on her origin. I m sorry to say that but even a Pakistani girl would walk out on her husband if there were that many restrictions not even from her husband but from his family. She had to give up her profession for which she spent years of education. She moved to Lahore , the minute my parents got married. Even after so many hardships she has faced from my dad’s family she tells us to respect them no matter what. And we do! And you know how much respect my father has for my Mother.
she is strong but I m not strong as her. I don’t to marry someone who will blame all the bads to my other half of the blood. Because I will not be able to take a word in regarding my mother or her origin. I won’t be able to live like her.
Somehow I have tell all this to Mr.Maryland, I hope he comes here and reads all this and then makes up his mind beause I already have. And I will only marry the one who himself and his family understands and respects me for who I AM …
InshAllah everything will get betta wif time mahnoor, don’t worry. We all face hardship in our life and its not always origin these ppl blame. Even the paki girl who has married a paki guy hears a lot from his family. So its not about aunty’s origin, its part of women’s life. And the irony is, its always women who is cussing each other. Its quiet laughable. As for u marrying someone, well be straight fwd with ur mom, if she is serious and you don’t want any probs later on in ur life, ask her to arrange a meeting for u both and tell him exactly how u feel, and if still says yes, then if u think its a good idea go for it, or kill it rite here. Tell your mom u want to study more or u want to do something with useful with ur life and stand up on ur feet b4 getting married. But do not feel lonely sad or left out m wif u honz. InshAllah u will be fine. N keep smiling.
I will , she is not forcing it or anything she thinks I should give it a thought, but to tell you the truth, I don’t want to get enaged/married anything I want to fully concentrate on my studies for now
Mahnoor…the life after marriages does need scarifies and murder of desires for other…
But it does not mean that we destroy our self…the other person should respect our feelings and our taste…
Why we do…? Cuz in adore we do agree to every thing…and once we do it in love we can’t say we did scarifies! Period!
In yr case… you haven’t seen him never meet him and but have made some image about him with clouds of fears in it…
First of all be strong… and make a decision…
I would advise you to meet him at least once… and if you don’t like …then let him know…
This is so straightforward and you are distressing for nothing…
And if you are still puzzled then consult to Allah by doing ‘Istekhaara’ :k:
ata it is easy for you to say that. I have met him once but have never talked to him. As i wrote he is a family friend. I don’t think there is anything wrong in him. Nothing that i noticed at least, but I m still scared
ata it is easy for you to say that. I have met him once but have never talked to him. As i wrote he is a family friend. I don't think there is anything wrong in him. Nothing that i noticed at least, but I m still scared
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As I said be strong, have a strong faith on Allah and leave every thing to Allah… jo hona hay wo to hoga hi… just leave it on Allah and also do ‘Istekhaara’ … I am sure you must know how to do it, if not then let me know ok…
And also tell him that u r not in hurry…if he love n respect you then he will honor you …
As I said be strong, have a strong faith on Allah and leave every thing to Allah… jo hona hay wo to hoga hi… just leave it on Allah and also do ‘Istekhaara’ … I am sure you must know how to do it, if not then let me know ok…
And also tell him that u r not in hurry…if he love n respect you then he will honor you …
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thanks and yes i know how to do "Istekhaara"
Even my father honors and respects my mother, but she still hasn't gained the status of a daughter-in-law as she deserves in his family
aww mahnoor you first reply makes you sound so cute and vulnerable and truly afraid...like the others said - dont worry too much about it... talk to the guy, meet up, go out together (if thats acceptable) you might find he's really a kewl guy who will not only understand but honour all your feelings. you can always have a long engagment.. and take it easy... :)
Even my father honors and respects my mother, but she still hasn't gained the status of a daughter-in-law as she deserves in his family
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my One of Bhabhi is also white American...got married 22 years back in Houston...living with family ... and they have every thing wonderful have kids all Muslim ...
khair ziada pareshan na hoon Allah par bharosa rakhain every thing will be all right inshAllah I pray for you :)
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Even my father honors and respects my mother, but she still hasn't gained the status of a daughter-in-law as she deserves in his family
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do'u mind if i ask how ur parents got married...?
was it like a love marriage or any other complications... is there a difference in caste... ?
You shouldnt have to worry about that - Im sure your mom will find you a guy who will equal you in these aspects as she wont want you to go through what she did - and the fact that your mum went to see someone and they 'selected' you... shows that they are people who approve of you and like you..
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*Originally posted by ?: *
my One of Bhabhi is also white American...got married 22 years back in Houston...living with family ... and they have every thing wonderful have kids all Muslim ...
khair ziada pareshan na hoon Allah par bharosa rakhain every thing will be all right inshAllah I pray for you :)
..
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yeah ata ji... one of my bhabhis is indian.. totally different way of life, brought up very differently.. and her and my brother kinda eloped.. that was tough on the family coz the only thing we were against was their ages..they were both very young... but the day she walked into our house.. all that was forgotten and we think of her more as a daughter/sister than an IN-law.
Thats the sprit :k: and … I am really sick of caste system…khair that’s different story…
But really love to know how you loved her and gave respect …that’s the way all should be…
We must accept the relations and must have a faith that it comes from Allah…so …
Hehe
do'u mind if i ask how ur parents got married...?
was it like a love marriage or any other complications... is there a difference in caste... ?
You shouldnt have to worry about that - Im sure your mom will find you a guy who will equal you in these aspects as she wont want you to go through what she did - and the fact that your mum went to see someone and they 'selected' you... shows that they are people who approve of you and like you..
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well My father cam to America about 27 years ago. And he met my mom in the hospital where they both worked. My grandparents rejected my mother the mintue they came to know she was white, But against their will my father got married and moved to lahore right away, But dada dadi didn't wanna see him. So they had no contact with them for a year until my brother and sister were born. When finally my father knocked on their door again for ACCEPTANCE !!! Well they accepted their son and his wife for the sake of their grandchildren but they never accepted my mother for who she was.........
Remember that there is nothing stable in human affairs; therefore avoid undue elation in prosperity, or undue depression in adversity."
-- Socrates
Understanding is the most important factor relationships are based on. It is not limited to a personal level, but extends to the apprehension of each other's social, cultutral and religious views. I believe your family's situation has helped you grow as a person and a human being. Remember that God is there so don't worry and hope for the best. :)
mahnoor you have to realize that your mother had some idea what she was getting into, and she decided to be strong about it. Maybe you see it as her giving in and always getting the blame, but maybe she sees it as being kind and generous and behaving in the best manner when people are not treating you well.
I hear so many jokes about my mother being pathan that it really makes me want to cry sometimes, even coming from my own extended family members. And she isnt even western. But my mother handles it very well Alhumdulillah, and that gives me strength to be strong when people behave the same with me.
These things will happen, but you should take strength from the fact that your mother has managed to deal with it, and she has raised a daugther that can learn from her, and deal with it as well. You will face animosity in life and you have to learn to handle it. You may not think that your mother handled it well, but I think that she handled it real well because she has managed to raise a wonderful daughter who is sensitive and concerned about what others think of her mother. And your mother has done it even with all the negativity that came her way, and she has managed to keep the family together. I think that is quite an admirable trait, rather than a trait that one should shun or not want to have. You can be strong as your mother, because everything she knows has been passed onto you. And you are your mothers daughter. Be strong for the both of you.
m wif u honz. InshAllah u will be fine. N keep smiling. 