Why marry then?

[Devoted2Allah]

Re: Why marry then?

@PyariCgudia

As many bad in-laws stories I hear, all the couples I know who are much older now (the aunty-uncle generation) all say they had problems with their in-laws. But they stuck through the horror, and now they’re all happy and adjusted to one another. It takes time.

I mean, you have to marry someone who you might not know until the wedding night (arranged marriage), and then you have to think of them as family, like you think of your parents and siblings as family. That has got to be darn hard. Kudos to all the crazy desis who go for arranged marriages.

not all arranged marriages are like that, in fact i think these days not many arranged marriages are so that the bride and bridegroom meet on their wedding day!

[lazy_daisy]

Re: Why marry then?

Minah.... Im reading through this thread and you seem to be giving these poor people poor advice...

My opinion Minah ^^^ that Lady up there has had the good fortune to have have two good marriages, there are a few others here who also share that good fortune....

However the truth is that it is unlikely that YOU will so dont even bother!

I'll tell you why, we have a picture of an ideal...when we dont get that ideal we become unhappy because we save all our dreams and emotions for that special someone and what happens?

Our special someone turns out to be an ordinary human....

Tis a terrible waste of time....

I hope I have balanced the argument.

[lazy_daisy]

Re: Why marry then?

@Devoted2Allah

not all arranged marriages are like that, in fact i think these days not many arranged marriages are so that the bride and bridegroom meet on their wedding day!

You are right, in some villages they meet the day after!

[Devoted2Allah]

Re: Why marry then?

@Sara516

gulaab jamun

Actually i’m beginning to understand why too much contact between fiance is prohibited and frowned down upon. Even Islamically, your fiance is still your na-mehram. I know in your heart you may feel like you’re already married to the person, but in reality that’s not the case. I’m not saying that I would do that type of marriage, but I can’ understand why too much contact is not a good idea. You don’tw ant to get your hopes up in case something goes wrong and you don’t end up marrying him.

people should get nikahed…forget the engagement because if you’re practising you woudnt go near your fiance or speak to him/her without the third person, and most parents dont let the child have any interaction with their fiance which means you are “spoken for” by someone you dont even know, probably just know they name and thats through overhearing your parents convo

anyway it gives you time to adjust to the person and get to know one another better before you take the next step and move in together!

[Devoted2Allah]

Re: Why marry then?

@lazy_daisy

You are right, in some villages they meet the day after!

[Sara516]

Re: Why marry then?

Yeah but what about the period before nikkah?

And there are some who still insist that having a nikkah makes you engaged, and not married, which I find really.... strange.

[Devoted2Allah]

Re: Why marry then?

@sadzzz

no. Ur missing the point im trying to make. If someone has never been exposed to these kind of choices, regardless of how educated he/she is.. how will they knew? if ur living in a society where the norm is to be married to someone without ever knowing them, how would that person ever know that they actually do have a choice?

and yes, some peopele really dont know what they want. Infact, highyl educated people dont even know what they want in a person…

well if they read the quran they would know they rights as a child that they do have a choice and they cannot be forced! see its Islam which is missing, people pay tooooo much importance to culture, now thats what gets up my nose and thats why i feel sorry for these peeps coz its just an endless cycle, they will put their kids throguh the same process and they will go living with the same traditions and no aspirations.

[Devoted2Allah]

Re: Why marry then?

@Sara516

Yeah but what about the period before nikkah?

And there are some who still insist that having a nikkah makes you engaged, and not married, which I find really… strange.

yeh that is veryyyyy strange…what do u mean the period b4? thats when you’re considering the person…

[Devoted2Allah]

Re: Why marry then?

@Zalim Wadera

Beyond the urges. Am I allowed to be openly saying what I want to? If yes, I have found your responses to be specific to sexual urges for which one should marry. I know that it is a right way to quench your thirsts yet the idea of opening of this thread was to know what actually is at stake for us when we marry? Do we see pros and cons and weigh them before we decide we should marry? For me, sexual urges are secondary. I want peace first which I dont think one gets after getting married.

the peace and tranquility which Allah bestows upon you after marriage, cannot be experienced by someone who is single…believe me

[Sara516]

Re: Why marry then?

Yeah the period before u have ur nikkah, when ur engaged or considering the person for marriage..

[lazy_daisy]

Re: Why marry then?

@Devoted2Allah

the peace and tranquility which Allah bestows upon you after marriage, cannot be experienced by someone who is single…believe me

With all due respect, sometimes this is not experienced by people who are married either:p

[Devoted2Allah]

Re: Why marry then?

@lazy_daisy

With all due respect, sometimes this is not experienced by people who are married either:p

yes i know what Allah wills, but its not all bad for every person.

[lazy_daisy]

Re: Why marry then?

^^^ yep you are absolutely right.... i was feeling contrary and wanted to give the bad side.:D

[minah_pa]

Re: Why marry then?

Daisy, I walked around outside for a while and feel better again.

Thank You....

[lazy_daisy]

Re: Why marry then?

Lady, get back in ..its ten o clock at night...women shouldnt be allowed out that late.

its dark...and scary outside!

Now getting back to this marriage business

I have spent years and years being anti for one reason or another, and have only recently got to start thinking that maybe its not such a bad idea after all... but this forum keeps making me change my mind!

[minah_pa]

Re: Why marry then?

Daisy - It's 5pm here, I got back to work in time to go home :)

Daisy - C'mon join all us married folk, the waters warm :)

[lazy_daisy]

Re: Why marry then?

I'll probably drown...

[Zalim_Wadera]

Re: Why marry then?

@minah_pa

Then I am sorry if it is a misunderstanding, peace then My temper flares sometimes.

But I am still curious about whether you believe a widow should re-marry?

Not being confrontative, really, this time I’m not (I was before and acted rashly - I’m sorry) - it seems as though you believed that I didn’t miss my ex-husband because I remarried and I was very happy. Again, my apologies, this is still a sore spot for me.

Widows can and should re-marry if they wish to. Its permitted by God. No further comments on other issues as we are at different wave-length.

[lazy_daisy]

Re: Why marry then?

Minah, have you been fighting with these alpha males again... tsk tsk, you are giving us simple girls a bad name.

Zaalim please dont be upset by Minah, (whisper ... she's american you know) and I'll thank you on behalf of Minah ... Im sure that it gives her great peace of mind that her personal life has been sanctioned by the good Lord above.

[Zalim_Wadera]

Re: Why marry then?

@lazy_daisy

Zaalim please dont be upset by Minah, (whisper … she’s american you know)

I am no more upset. All is well with her, American or Desi whatsoever..no problem.
Why are you dramatising it? Are you American too?