So here is what it is 3/4 examples of weddings in my extended and immediate family:
One my relatives in Pak - gets her son married via a rishtaa lady, the marriage lasts 3 months (maybe less than) as the girl and her mother - are well crazy. The DIL attacked (physically attacked her MIL) - the MIL had asked her DIL to wash the dishes and she will be back from her visit to relatives a few hours away, on return the dishes were not washed and she asked her how come, and if you didn’t want to do this you should have let me know. She literally flying attacked her - first time I have ever heard of this and I was shocked. DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA.
Guy found this girl - saw her at a wedding and his mummy ji contacted their mummy ji - anyway long story short shes from the City and he from a village (again Pakistan) now shes saying life is very different and shes not liking it and theres now talks of separation.
Girl from here got married in Pak - and husband wife lived separately from the inset, as in when he came over (like different cities) he used to see her on the weekdnds and gave her money from his work for household things/paying the mortgage and she recently wrote a letter to the home office and said that she no longer likes the guy and wants him to be deported.
Another girl born and brought up here got married via another rishtaa lady and got married to a guy here in the UK. Apparently shes not happy and there are talks of people leaving etc.
So - my question is why is there a growing trend towards failed marriages, do you know of any young people (under 30/35 say) who have a successful marriage? What is going on? it does not promote confidence for someone who is single aka me LOL and wanting to get married.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
One theory is - lots of couples tend to have relationships beforehand, and the reason why these marriages don’t work as they are thinking about someone else. But I don’t always think this is true, and is a very boxed in view.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
very interesting topic
and i agree with you here. i think u r on to something here
one important aspect though is also to look at the history. how in the world did our fathers and mother got marriedht how come? So i sought help and got to the bottom of this and lived thier whole life when they only met on shadi day.
and today we require numerous dates to find a person how could possibly be a future wife or husband?.? Howcome?
there are numerous reasons, i would like to mention the ones i like
lack of tolerance
lack of committment to make relationship work
lack of teachings from parents
the problem is uk is unique compared to us and canada
i thought how come so i sought help and got tothe bottom of this
back when pakistan became independent going to london was as easy as getting a plane ticket and boarding the flight. u landed and they wouldgiveu entry welcome to london on the spot. because it was so easy a lot of uneducated peiple moved to london at that time. and now have their next generation (us) growing and learning there. these parents with the lack on education ended up working hard and missed on training
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
It’s not that marriages are not working in our generation, just that people are MUCH LESS willing to let others walk all over them. And in example two, the girl was probably forced into the marriage (from what I can gather) and kudos to her for leaving.
Anyways, in the other examples, the couples prboably did not get along and seperated/thinking of separating. Would you rather they stay in an unhappy marriage?
Really, I don’t undesrand that “Zabardasti” in marraige. I mean, if you happy together, good. If not, then LEAVE! Don’t stay for others, life’s too short for that for that type of bull****.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
What good teaching? Like submitting to her in-laws and compromising all her life? You are deluded, my friend, TOO MANY parents managed to give these “good teachings” to their daughters.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
It’s due to many reasons…people are generally more demanding these days, less tolerable, not willing to compromise, financial issues, pre-martial relationships, and as KKF said above, desire to get Mr or Miss Perfect - which, frankly, does not exist
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
First, I’m sorry I missed the sons. Secondly, my point still stands. Too many parents have taught their sons the virtues of keeping their wives “under control”.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
In the olden days, you didn’t have options. Now, you have options. Choices. Women can support themselves and their children when before they couldn’t. Men can have new relationships when before it was a lot harder to have a girlfriend/meet someone. Now people are not always living in an extended family when before it was like 98%, which keeps the pressure on the couple to stay together (even as it also often creates problems…) So brides don’t have to be the in-laws’ slave anymore.
Also, I bet a lot of marriages failed in the olden days and the man got out of it, talaaq talaaq talaaq and went on his way, but the girl’s family kept that fact as low profile as possible. Not that you could hide the fact of Aunty SO n So living in her father’s home till she died, but I bet they just wouldn’t talk about the whole fiasco. They’d say something like she didn’t want to get married or some such. Play it down. Rewrite the history. So I think that there were more failed marriages than we think, but just didn’t hear about it.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
Agree with icesoul and aurchaepiyo..
Imo asking those wives from previous generations if they were truly happy and didn’t want to leave if they had the choice would be a better indicator of how successful their marriages were than actual divorce figures.. I don’t think marriages in past generations were necessarily more successful at all.. Obviously a lot of people back then just had the attitude that any husband was better than no husband at all..
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
I know one such couple:Sure, they are happy; have money, nice home, a son who’s a doctor, another about to join him, lived an overall happy life but I always felt their marriage is some kind of an obligation.
Neither of them would have married the other if everything hadn’t been “arranged” (arranged being a water-downed version of forced. )
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
Agree with the lack of compromise and the fairy tales that people have been conditioned to expect from their lives, also because less people (men and women) tolerate abusive relationships. Physical/mental/emotional abuse is rife in desi households, as people are becoming more independent they don’t feel the need to sacrifice their lives for ‘izzat’.
I’d rather the divorce rates soar than see any more abusive relationships.
The examples the OP gave (esp the flying woman) just sound crazy, I think every generation gets a few of those.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
Training? potty training? I am very well trained thank you!
In all seriousness I don’t think I agree with your sentiments, I have been brought up well, as I am sure have many others. I think its poor judgement on the parents part… maybe and also what Khaleel said.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
There are two extremes, the types that have a very narrow vision of what a perfect spouse should be like and cannot tolerate any deviation from that ideal. The other type is the ultra laid back go with whatever the elders want. One is hell bent on just their own happiness, while the other is hell bent on keeping other people happy. Both are unrealistic and unsustainable relationships, leading to all these separations. Moderation and common sense is the key.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
i was in a discussion a few hours ago. and i posed the exact same question. and you know what reply i got “who is the world are you to judge whether we were forced, or we had no say, or are we happy. if you really wanna know, ask us.”
before coming to the conclusion you should ask that couple -
anyhow here we are not talking about those couples
the question here is how in the world did couples from the gen before survive, while we have so hard time…
