Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
funny
but ofcourse you may have been brought up well. but it seems like you didnt understand any of what i said.
what does poor judgement on parents part mean?
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
**so women today think they can survive without a husband? pakistani desi women?
would you?**
Yes, I'm sure I could.. Two of my aunties were divorcees and they were managing ok before they married again.. It can be done if the woman has a decent education and/or financial independence and a supportive family.. A very strong or determined woman might even be ok without those things.. In the old days being totally dependent on your husband was much more common than it is now and it wasn't uncommon for parents to resent their daughters coming back to live with them and think of them as a 'burden'..
Personally I would rather be alone than in an unhappy marriage..
** the question here is how in the world did couples from the gen before survive, while we have so hard time...**
Maybe there is more to marriage than just 'surviving'..
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
I know of quite a few marriages that are thriving even in this age. I have a lot of good examples around me Alhumdulillah and I try to learn from them as much as I can.
Two of my best friends have been married for over 9 years a piece...one has three kids and another on the way. The other one has a son Mashallah. Both of them have been through a lot with their husbands and have shown me its not as simple of recipe as we thought it would be.
You fall in love, get married, have kids and live happily ever after. The fairy tale rarely works that way. That's not to say people aren't happy...they are insanely happy but have realized its their OWN fairy tale and not the one they read about.
There are trials and tribulations and many times when walking out is tempting...but you realize you're not in this for just a few years...its a lifetime. In *successful *marriages, when both are trying to make it work walking out is never an option.
Someone once said to me that most divorced people seem really nice. When you meet them, most of them seem like perfectly normal and sane people and you wonder how on earth things went wrong with them. But its not them, its not their partner...its the combination that was wrong. In the past, even when the combination was wrong men and women resigned themselves to their fate "aur phir bhi nibhaya". Now, we are much more...ambitious...to put it mildly...and want it all. We want to be happy and don't feel the need to settle. If the woman is smacked around, she doesn't want to give him another chance to do it again. If the man loses interest in his wife, he doesn't want to be in a loveless marriage. They both want more.
Is it right? Is it wrong? I don't know.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
you have tried to explain with singling out everything
1 - the two auntis eventual got married
2 given decent ed
3 given financial ind
4 given supportive
5 if not the above 3 then strong and determined women
6 being alone only if unhappy marriage
way too many ifs n ands
when we talk in general then a woman might not have any of the above characteristics you mentioned to survive
there was this secretary who died a couple of months ago. her daughter found out days later after her dead. she was found dead in her apt. she was divorced from long ago. spend her career as secretary - if you ask she did you manage? and she was a white lady
my question to you was - would all the pakistani women (no matter how educated) would survive till 80?
would you?
u may even had education and money - strength and determination even tually goes away, so does supportive family...
Yes, I'm sure I could.. Two of my aunties were divorcees and they were managing ok before they married again.. It can be done if the woman has a decent education and/or financial independence and a supportive family.. A very strong or determined woman might even be ok without those things.. In the old days being totally dependent on your husband was much more common than it is now and it wasn't uncommon for parents to resent their daughters coming back to live with them and think of them as a 'burden'..
Personally I would rather be alone than in an unhappy marriage..
Maybe there is more to marriage than just 'surviving'..
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
[QUOTE]
the question here is how in the world did couples from the gen before survive, while we have so hard time...
[/QUOTE]
Because they took too much crap from their husbands and did not do anything about it while todays women stand up for their rights and have realised they arent their shohar's properties :) Don't mistake long-term surviving marriages for happy blissful marriages.
As for women surviving I know a couple of divorcee women in our social circle who have thrived because they have excellent education.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
so women today think they can survive without a husband? pakistani desi women?
would you?
How do you survive? Money.
Last I looked, it was legal for women to earn money.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
**Don't mistake long-term surviving marriages for happy blissful marriages.
This
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
We live in socierty where greed and lust rules. Men and women they both want best the word compromise no more exist in our soceity. We get tired of our girflrends wives after sometime. We want new things some new flavor and this result in marriage failure
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
We live in socierty where greed and lust rules. Men and women they both want best the word compromise no more exist in our soceity. We get tired of our girflrends wives after sometime. We want new things some new flavor and this result in marriage failure
Contrary to popular, no DESI belief, too much compromise isn't good for your health.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
We live in socierty where greed and lust rules. Men and women they both want best the word compromise no more exist in our soceity. We get tired of our girflrends wives after sometime. W*e want new things some new flavor* and this result in marriage failure
O_o
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
I don't know. This is such a scary topic. I wonder if there's something wrong with my view of relationships. But the marriages that I see around me that are succeeding, are the ones where people keep a positive outlook on their entire lives, see themselves as a team and keep working hard.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
you have no idea what you wrote
How do you survive? Money.
Last I looked, it was legal for women to earn money.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
how do you know that?
there is a fundamental flaw in your post
all im asking is - ask your parents and ask your parents friends are their marriages are happy or are they surviving?
long term marriages are neither surviving marriage or happy marriage untill and unless you find out individually or on average?
just because you know someone who survived alone does not make it a rule for every woman to be able to survive alone?
Because they took too much crap from their husbands and did not do anything about it while todays women stand up for their rights and have realised they arent their shohar's properties :) Don't mistake long-term surviving marriages for happy blissful marriages.
As for women surviving I know a couple of divorcee women in our social circle who have thrived because they have excellent education.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
you have no idea what you wrote
No sir, its only you who failed to understand what I said. But that is understandable since you are hell bent on convincing others (and yourself) that women cannot survive without men.
Personally, I wouldn't even marry a woman who couldn't survive without me.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
People are just pulling stuff out of their backside. Everything has to be black and white right?
Yeah there was no such thing as happy and peaceful marriages in your parents' days? This whole concept was invented like few months ago or something? Are you also the product of miserable marriage? Just curious....
Honestly, not every woman likes to be the bi*** of the house, there are plenty of women even in this day and age who want their husband to be the captain of the ship, the traditional role playing that existed even in old European family system. Most of you are letting your own ego slip into your 'reasons'.
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
Coming back to the original question, I think divorce/separation is just so easy to obtain legally. Besides we're living in the age of communication, exposure and records, we get to hear about things lot quicker and easily. Just look at nadz123's situation, how many people know about her marital dramas on these forums, 20-30 years ago...such thing would've remained within four walls of her house amongst her close friends and family members. Not many people would've guessed her troubles. To me thats one of the many reasons we see and hear about troubled marriages so much these days...
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
Jolie, nobody said there was no such thing as a happy and peaceful marriage back then, did they?? (Ironic that you're accusing others of being black + white).. Just that marriages weren't necessarily** more successful** in past generations than they are now..
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
*No sir, its only you who failed to understand what I said. But that is understandable since you are hell bent on convincing others (and yourself) that women cannot survive without men. *
Personally, I wouldn't even marry a woman who couldn't survive without me.
Leave him be.. He reckons he can't 'understand' posts that disagree with him or that they don't make sense - the bottom line is he just doesn't have any logical counter argument.. He's just repeating the same misogynistic stuff over and over again, you know like those ppl who think if they say or believe in something enough it somehow becomes true ('A woman can't survive without her husband, a woman can't survive without her husband, a woman can't survive without her husband :D)
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
Yes, I'm sure I could
Without sex it ain't much of a living. Survive : YES. Happy : NO
Re: Why marriages are not working in the new generation?!
I think Shahreyarkhan means that women need men in their life (and vice versa ofcourse)