why is that?????

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Guys and gals …
Here is my story im married since 7 yrs …and in all that yrs

i have issues my husband always have issues with me

he is not like a supportive or friendly person

when my in laws says some thing usually teasing and saying bad things to my family and to me he says nothing a single word…usually im really working hard cooking better, trying to be a perfect wife , Bahoo

but nothing works out my husband always quiet …he talks abt other things like TV and kids stuff

i have one daugher 3yrs and one son 6 yrs old

he likes his children but he never says romantic words or may b he dont like to express god knows

but im having lots of issues that he always defend his family chahaye woh kitnay bhi ghalat hon

or even they burried me he will never say a word i live seperate but y my husband is like that?

once i caught him chatting with a net female …and he is also going out with her for lunch…
but he said she is just a friend…god knows?
but the question is am i getting wrong or is some thing really wrong?

he just talk to me normally , but never protects, i feel alone …

but when it comes to me any type of problem im always dependent on my family

from childs birth to my little issues???

do u think my husband is OK??? may b unko express karna nahin ata hai but when he is talking to his net female friend he is really different person a caring supportive , protective …

i feel bad …that he is totally different with that gal and with me he is like nothing to say…

2

Re: why is that?????

Would your husband be okay with you chatting to a guy on the internet and then meeting him for lunch?

If he is not okay with that then the situation is very obvious. Your husband is obviously under the impression that grass is greener on the other side. He's being unfaithful to you. A married man, who is not okay with his wife going out with male friends should not be going out with female friends and if he is, its infidelity. No doubt about it.

Unfortunately, a lot of men these days think like that. This is becoming more and more commonplace. I hope he sorts his head out. Because he's a twat for making you go through this. At the end of the day, there's no easy solution to your situation sister. I just pray Allah gives you strength and peace of mind and heart. Remember, talk to your husband about your issues, perhaps propose counseling or something along the lines of a moderator (An elder who is not biased).

Don't give up your life completely to your husband and in-laws. Yeah, he's your husband and you have children but take some time to meet your friends and family, call your friends over, go to their houses, try and do more of what you enjoy. That'll help you through any stress you have going on in your marriage.

InshaAllah I hope everything works out for you guys.

3

Re: why is that?????

yes he is not Ok when i even talk to my little cousin bcuz he is so Like that..............

i do this when i go out with my friends he says UR WITH SOME ONE ........i stop going out with my school college female friends bcuz i dont want to make his mood off again ..........i go out ......2 my family or some friends only his job timmings ........some times he is with me to visit my family ..

but i dont know him .......he suddenly blame me for some thing that i have never done some times he is so nice but i dont feel comfortable

im a good looking person ...that makes my husband .......un secure............may b i dont know

i dont have any financial income by my self im dependent only on my husband some times saas per dependent but he really ignores me some times if im in trouble like no money what

should i do ...........how can i do cooking? i cant do aNY job with little ones and he dont allow me to go out and ignore his house

i dont know wat to do?

4

Re: why is that?????

hmmm dal may kuch kala hay
he goes out with other ladies and do all the restrictions on u
dal may zaroor kuch kala hay
check on him thats can turn in to some thing bad becareful.

5

Re: why is that?????

Is he always been like that or is he changed? Have u said to him that u dont like that he talks with that woman, and thats unfair? You have children together so I would think really careful what to do. But I know that I could not be with man if he treats me that way. I think u should do something about that, because it sounds u are not happy and everyone deserves to be happy. And it does just damage to Ur children too if their parents have problems.
I cant say any smart advice what to do, but i would recommend u to talk with Ur parents, close friends or siblings about that situation. And talk to Ur husband, if he is not that kind who gets really angry if u say something to him...and be sure that Ur children doesn't see u arguing.
But I can say, that u have to do something because eventually that situation does harm to all members of Ur family.

I don`t want to be rude, but Ur husband doesn't sound nice..because he should help with children, and give u enough money for food etc. And he should make u and Ur children feel happy and secured.

I really hope that u do something, which makes Ur family happy :) Good luck!

6

Re: why is that?????

no he is not going out every time with ladies but i guess sirf past mein....

i already talk to my parents they said ya tu ajaoo ya phir bardasht karoo.............so im just here only for my kiddos .............only happy for my kids..:)
i belong to a conservative family .....u can say that .......

i wish k i live out side from Pakistan ..................yahan per khandan ki batien and other things..............

mera husband se baat ki he promised that aisa nahin hoga ............aisa hua nahin i think .....meray samnay tu nahin ......god knows per

he is quiet reserved some times.....................hamesha se tu woh reserve hi rehtay hain not a friendly person............

but ................he is friendly while we r watching movies, tv reading newspaper...then he talk , discuss abt matters not abt us but abt WORLD or movies

he talk abt his family or friends and other stories not frequently but some times..............

7

Re: why is that?????

Do you try to put any effort into getting attention from your husband (like wearing a nice dress, wearing jewellery, putting a bright lipstick on etc) or you just expect him to come up to you? Because if he has a serious tendency to ignore you on purpose then you really need to have a word with yourself and him. Don't just suffer in silent, if you have issues, make sure person who's the main cause of the issue is at least aware of it. Communicate.

8

Re: why is that?????

How about candle light dinner, make some chai sit with him and have a nice convo on different things. Instead of complaining, ask him about his day, maybe dress up kind of romantic.....smile @ him
If you want him to say something romantic about you, then you gotta look romantic too, you have to do hansi mazak with him, don't complain too much about his mother, praise him that this xyz shirts looks good on you or you look hot in this kurta, etc.

9

Re: why is that?????

How about candle light dinner, make some chai sit with him and have a nice convo on different things. Instead of complaining, ask him about his day, maybe dress up kind of romantic.....smile @ him
If you want him to say something romantic about you, then you gotta look romantic too, you have to do hansi mazak with him, don't complain too much about his mother, praise him that this xyz shirts looks good on you or you look hot in this kurta, etc.

10

Re: why is that?????

I don`t get it, why should she praise him? If her husband goes out with some other woman, and doesn't really care about their family, so last thing I would do is praise him.. And in relationship is two people, so i think its really unfair if she have to make all effort like praise him and keep their relationship alive. I agree on that, u should n ´t complain about "little" things, because those little things can be hundred times annoying when u have problems already. You should talk about rules and boundaries in ur relationship, and tell (not arguing) him what bothers u. And u have known him over 7 years so I think u know what is the right way approach him this kind things.
You have children, so u should work things out, but i think talking with him is better solution. And maybe then some date night etc. together, and do something new together, just you two.

11

Re: why is that?????

Well in her 2nd post she said, he went out before they were married.

So why bring up the past...

If the guy is having a fine conversation when it comes to tv, movies, newspaper; I think they just need to open up, if he is shy then she has to maybe make him comfortable.... There is nothing wrong with praising your husband. May be if she is passing nice comments, it will help him open up....

Khair, I am no expert @ marital issues...these were just my 2 cents...

12

Re: why is that?????

Sorryy, I owe u apologize :) I didn't noticed that she was talking about past time before marriage..because really if he went out with woman before their marriage, I don`t see problem there..
But I just recommend Meenabazar just talk not argue with ur husband and do something fun together :)

13

Re: why is that?????

Meena, you need to clarify if he was lunching with other women before or after marriage? How long have you been married and what was he like before marriage as well as immediately after?

Him being unfaithful even in the slightest is unfair....that much is for sure. However, what is your goal? Do you want him back or do you want out? First you need to figure out what you want.

If you want to make it work, then you will have to swallow a few things, be the better person and start the progress yourself. Dont complain about anything anymore. Dont bug him for attention. Dont nag him about things. Dont get jealous. Jealousy in unattractive and you being insecure because of this other woman...is extremely unattractive. Men like confidence in a woman...a gal who knows what she is worth. When you do something nice like get a haircut or dress up...its for you first and then him. Not every move of yours needs to depend on him. Stop following him around...let him come to you. Let him do all the work.

Work. Get a job and improve your financial situation. You can find companies that allow you to work from home too. If that is not possible, start taking some classes either a close by college or online. DO something with yourself other than throwing your mind, body and soul into cooking, cleaning and baby making. There needs to be more to your life in order for you to get some self confidence back.

Finally, the family thing. You've been married for over 6 years I am assuming...you need to get past the family issue. He doesnt like yours and you dont like his...end of story. Now lets move on and stop thinking about it.

14

Re: why is that?????

Meena, you need to clarify if he was lunching with other women before or after marriage? How long have you been married and what was he like before marriage as well as immediately after?

Him being unfaithful even in the slightest is unfair....that much is for sure. However, what is your goal? Do you want him back or do you want out? First you need to figure out what you want.

If you want to make it work, then you will have to swallow a few things, be the better person and start the progress yourself. Dont complain about anything anymore. Dont bug him for attention. Dont nag him about things. Dont get jealous. Jealousy in unattractive and you being insecure because of this other woman...is extremely unattractive. Men like confidence in a woman...a gal who knows what she is worth. When you do something nice like get a haircut or dress up...its for you first and then him. Not every move of yours needs to depend on him. Stop following him around...let him come to you. Let him do all the work.

Work. Get a job and improve your financial situation. You can find companies that allow you to work from home too. If that is not possible, start taking some classes either a close by college or online. DO something with yourself other than throwing your mind, body and soul into cooking, cleaning and baby making. There needs to be more to your life in order for you to get some self confidence back.

Finally, the family thing. You've been married for over 6 years I am assuming...you need to get past the family issue. He doesnt like yours and you dont like his...end of story. Now lets move on and stop thinking about it.

15

Re: why is that?????

thanks all but first im talking abt the women issue after marriage like 2yrs back it happened....when i got married ..... every thing is just ok....he seems to be a quiet and reserved person im a talkative, funny and friendly person ......he came home after his job start watching TV , reading newspaper and its me always who start any topic for change of atmosphere ................then every thing is ok but i always take initiative .......he is always quiet after my babies he is just fine.... i tried romantic dinners , candle lite too , im always in a Nice dress ....some times romantic dress too but as a man he do what he feels but after that a silent , quiet.....atmoshphere as i live in dead place .............i m not that kind who always complains abt inlaws im just asking why is that? i know k husband ko pasand nahin hota but its too much from them ...............its even hard to take it what u never done........but when i caught my hubby after marriage im shocked he is a friendly, funny and lively person with that female internet chatters but not with me ......main shuru se ye samjhtee rahe kay mera husband reserved nature ka hai per aisa nahin tha ..............now after that matter unhoon nay sorry kaha or bas kahani khatum ..............

16

Re: why is that?????

Reha how can i started a job at home? im educated person but i feel im just nothing.............

bcuz my kids need me i cant leave them alone? and if with whom??? no one to takecare?

17

Re: why is that?????

guys i dont know what to do ? should i live as it is? bcuz i some times feel k my husband dont like me to dress up woh nahi chahatay k main kisi field mein un sey agay jaon........i just sit at home and wait for him , and what ever he brings i have to except....smile, misery, any thing........

i want a happy life thats all...................no tensions .....................i know some times u have to face problems but pls not all the time .........

18

Re: why is that?????

Meenabazar, get a secret laptop, woo him online, invite him to lunch, declare your love for him, walk into the sunset. Actually, ignore that; it only works in the movies.
Reha's suggestion of you having to be responsible for progress is very valid, as are her other suggestions. However, it doesn't matter what we think you should do, we don't have anywhere near enough information to be able to give you the specific answer you're asking for. So, by all means use us as a sounding board/to vent, but ultimately the heavy thinking has to be your own.
What do you think you should do? If someone else had posted what you have written, what would you advise them?

19

Re: why is that?????

I read something about cheating spouses a while back and it was actually quite enlightening. Cheating is inexcusable...however its nice to know why it usually happens. These internet chatters he seems to be a different person with...what do they talk about? Have you seen what they discuss? Most of the time, people dont cheat because their spouses arent hot enough...its usually because they're emotionally not getting what they want. Again, NOT an excuse...just something to think about for you. Meena, look at what these girls are offering him and take a cue. Maybe he feels you will not identify or understand the things that make him happy. Its possible he doesnt think you will be able to give him the same excitement other women can. Its important to show him you're much more than just his wife and mother of his kids. You're a woman...a woman who has emotional needs of her own.

Its possible that neither one of you is a bad person but together you rub each other the wrong way. He needs to see a fun, light hearted and different side of you.

Your kids need you...no doubt about that. But go online and look for opportunities to work for a company from home...or if that is not possible then start a home based business. Think, use your head and find something you have a passion and talent for.

And answer the above questions...for your sake.

20

Re: why is that?????

These Two are best advises, try it