OK I wont go into too much detail with this but a few years ago my mum became naraz with us over an issue that shouldn’t really have been as big as it was made out to be. Well we haven’t spoken for years and bearing in mind that we were never close at all this hasn’t really affected me. She’s not the typical mum type not gentle not loving. She quite a hard person if you know what I mean.
A few months ago we went to see her and try to talk her round my husband begged and pleaded with her to be okay with us but she was having none of it. She said you’ve had your chance and you blew it. I will not forgive you. So we left it at that.
Then this weekend she was at a relatives and I was there as well and i thought ok lets just make the first move and see if she responds so i went in the room held my hand out to shake hands and said assalamalaikum. She just looked at me and said walaikumassalam but never shook my hand and then turned her head away.
So what am I to do in a situation like this. I don’t know if what we done years ago was right or wrong, but surely shwe cant hold a grudge for the rest of her life. Can she?
If it were me, I would do exactly what you did. And I would continue to extend my hand at every opportunity so that, at the end of time, it can never be said that I turned away.
Most parents do come around eventually. I guess it depend on their personality and how significant they feel the offense has been. It is rare that people will carry a grudge for the rest of their lives.
I agree with Muzna, and I would also pray that Allah opens up her heart to you again.
Maybe you can also write her a long letter, explaining your feelings and how sad you feel that you no longer talk and how you still love her despite her not speaking with you. Maybe she will pretend she does not like the letter but I think deep inside it may affect her positively. Allahu Alam.
Either way, you do your part and be kind to your parents.
Do whats in your control Tabassum...be nice and make effort...Hopefully she'll come around eventually but if she doesnt atleast you can sleep at night knowing i tried my best to make it work...
Really sorry to hear about your situation though...
I know you may not wanna hear this but it must be said:
It doesn't matter if your mother turns her back to you or not, you must keep the same positive attitude. You are doing the right thing; you're not only helping yourself in this life but also for the herafter, inshAllah. I'm not preaching, just telling you what I've learned.
A few months ago we went to see her and try to talk her round my husband begged and pleaded with her to be okay with us but she was having none of it. She said you've had your chance and you blew it. I will not forgive you. So we left it at that.
Then this weekend she was at a relatives and I was there as well and i thought ok lets just make the first move and see if she responds so i went in the room held my hand out to shake hands and said assalamalaikum. She just looked at me and said walaikumassalam but never shook my hand and then turned her head away.
So what am I to do in a situation like this. I don't know if what we done years ago was right or wrong, but surely shwe cant hold a grudge for the rest of her life. Can she?
Is She your biological Mother or Step Mom? Makes a big difference!
Yes we all know about the whole jannah is at the feet of your mother...but Rush stated that the girl is doomed...that is nonsensical because Tabassum has taken every step to try and fix things with her mum...
Shes doing whats in her control which is all Allah asks of her...so to people like Rush...can you explain to the girl what shes done wrong...no you cant so dont make sweeping statements like telling her shes doomed...jeez...
^ Parents and I am so 610; my bad. Anyway, let me try to come up with some thing 2006.
I do agree with Naughty by Nature:
Do whats in your control Tabassum...be nice and make effort...Hopefully she'll come around eventually but if she doesnt atleast you can sleep at night knowing i tried my best to make it work...
Really sorry to hear about your situation though...
Thanks for the support guys.
Munni she doesn't read so a letter would be no good.
Shes very old fashioned and backward she was a grandmother before I was even concieved so you can imagine the age difference between us. And there was never any affection there either. Ever. Her views are very different to mine in every way. I dont think she'll ever come round to be honest with you. Its been years and she still feels this way.
what was the reason for her getting naraz?.women from the old school of thought can be very difficult to deal with over various issues.as they say we may chose friends but we dont chose families
i am going to be a mother one day. u mean to say i will have the power to sentence my kids to be doomed forever by being unfair like this over nothing? Wouldnt God be angry at me for putting my kids through mental torture like this? and If God is angry at me then Why would my kids be doomed at the same time? give me a break!
tabassum u havent done any wrong and even if your mom does not come around u should not have any guilty feelings because u are NOT doomed contrary to what some ppl here think. but i agree... do remain civil with her.
How about involving someone who is on good terms with your mother and try to settle the issue? Sadly, some people cannot admit that they have made a mistake, and that may be the case with your mother. She might be thinking that making up with you might mean admitting her mistake, which she does not want to have any part of.
Only to correct you at one point. You said there "never was affection". Hope you are not mingling affection with love. What I believe that there can’t be single mother in whole world who does not love her children it’s just that everyone has different ways of expression. Some people express it physically (hugging, kissing), some verbally and some never express it.