If instead of checking out the girl first, the girl’s family checks out the guy first and procede with the rishta accordingly.
I think if more of the girls family take a stand on this we can change this trend and make it easier for the whole society. We are always crying over the wrong of our society but we don’t realise if we dont take a step and become the agents of change, it wl keep on going like this.
Yes its not easy because when you ask the potential rishta people for this, they dont take it kindly and vanish BUT would you want to get hitched into such a family which believes it’s ok to check out the girl (basically have a lavish lunch for free) first but its not ok if the girls family demands to check out the guy first. That according to me is super pathetic!
if a midway party is involved that tells of a rishta ..then it is possible IMO to check out the guy's family first before being on the show for yourself. But sadly ...people still find it super weird if a girl's family asks for a rishta first.
or one could ask the guy's family to come over with the condition that only the families will meet the first time ...and later on the girl guy could see each other..no bringing the trolley and being the show piece stuff !
Nai Nai, like if a rishta comes thru a rishte wala/wali and the girls side asks to see the guy first before inviting their family over to have a dekho at their daughter . Now WHY is this weird but the guys coming to see the girls is not?!
My parents and potential guys parents meet 2-3 times before I was introduced to them.
That's good to hear. I know you don't live in Pak but still i wud consider it a good achievement. However here this is yet not acceptable here though if people like us keep at it, i am sure things will change.
old norms set up by our great grandparents and ppl before too Larke walon ko waky bohat sar pe charhaya hota hai!
but i agree with inspiron too..times are changing! recently my friend’s sisterwas told about a potential rishta. Uncle called the family up and asked them to meet once …and the guy’s family invited them over for chai ! it might still take decades for the trend to change - but instead of making either party the show piece for the other…it would be nice to have a casual get together of the families before getting the potential larka larki in the picture IMO
ZK yeah maybe it is slighly easier in the UK although some families found it weird initially my father somehow convinced them that this was better. I dont know how haha but he did!
I thought it was done with the guys first nowadays, no?! What if someone tells you of a rishta, wouldn't you wanna make sure you like the guy before he sees the girl?! I ain't going infront of any random guy- no way! And my parents won't ask me to either iA.
Usually they ask the guy to come meet at a restaurant and if they like him, then proceed with meeting the family. I thought girls only come into the picture after all that is said and done.
That would be perfect BUT then the battle will be where to meet; girls place or boys place or somewhere out but that may be odd as they might not want to be seen together by known people in case the rishta doesnt work out blah blah, you know how weird desi people can be. Yes, if a 3rd party/family is involved they can arrange it at their place but we all know how many such people there are
Haha, No! I personally find this trend of guys coming over with their family at the girls place quite out of place. Though some people believe that it is actually good because the guy might not be as picky as his family.
No its not done this way just yet! though from this thread it seems some people r going that way and are open to such an arragement too.
We get photos of both the girl + guy then if they themselves like the look of each other then things go forward to a meeting or sometimes just phone numbers are swapped for them to chat or whatever.. Either can say 'no' and the girl isn't 'checked out' first via tea trolley meeting so it's not really skewed in the boy's favour..
Also in our circle it's not looked down on for the girl's family to send a proposal.. This happens a lot amongst the families we know :)
We get photos of both the girl + guy then if they themselves like the look of each other then things go forward to a meeting or sometimes just phone numbers are swapped for them to chat or whatever.. Either can say 'no' and the girl isn't 'checked out' first via tea trolley meeting so it's not really skewed in the boy's favour..
thats a good idea but some people fear misuse of the pics esp the girls :(
I recently heard one aunty telling us that the girl's family wanted to come and see the guy first and she was not at all happy with this approach of the girl's family. So this is NOT considered normal in our society.
Thats how the rishta process works typically in an arranged setting which shows how the whole process is frustrating for the girl and her family:
Guy and the family visits the girl's place where the girl is exhibited to them (in some instances, guys don't accompany his family, and he comes in the second or third family visit if the family likes the girl). The guy's side can visit as many times as they want in order to 'get to know' the girl and her family and the girl's side.
The guy's family either keeps quiet (which means no) or says yes to the girl's family over the phone or through the middle party and then invites the girl's family to their place. They can take ages to call the girl's family after much window shopping.
If the girl's family likes the place of the guy, they then again invite the guy's side for the formal proposal.
The girl's side now can take as much time as they like to think and do investigation (while also considering any other proposal in hand). The guy's side usually pressurise the girls' side to give response quickly.
The girls side say no or yes depending on their decision.
Like if its one of the chawal ladka/ladki lols they mite show the pics to their frnds n so on and then from one thing to another if there is a common link they mite say oh i saw yr daughters or sons pic with them so what happened blah blah. U guys all know how pathetic desis can get?! don't ya?
^ mat darao yaar. Pata nahi kahan kahan pics gayi hain. Although we tried our level best to send the pics to only suitable people but emails are used these days to send the pic. I hope our pics are NOT put up on web sites or facebook groups :(
^ mat darao yaar. Pata nahi kahan kahan pics gayi hain. Although we tried our level best to send the pics to only suitable people but emails are used these days to send the pic. I hope our pics are NOT put up on web sites or facebook groups :(
Lol nahi yar didnt mean to scare you but han i would avoid it as much as i can. Rest depends on overall situation and comfort level i suppose.
I recently heard one aunty telling us that the girl's family wanted to come and see the guy first and she was not at all happy with this approach of the girl's family. So this is NOT considered normal in our society.
Thats how the rishta process works typically in an arranged setting which shows how the whole process is frustrating for the girl and her family:
Guy and the family visits the girl's place where the girl is exhibited to them (in some instances, guys don't accompany his family, and he comes in the second or third family visit if the family likes the girl). The guy's side can visit as many times as they want in order to 'get to know' the girl and her family and the girl's side.
The guy's family either keeps quiet (which means no) or says yes to the girl's family over the phone or through the middle party and then invites the girl's family to their place. They can take ages to call the girl's family after much window shopping.
If the girl's family likes the place of the guy, they then again invite the guy's side for the formal proposal.
The girl's side now can take as much time as they like to think and do investigation (while also considering any other proposal in hand). The guy's side usually pressurise the girls' side to give response quickly.
The girls side say no or yes depending on their decision.
My head is hurting now..... lol. Btw, I hate the whole bringing the guy over to see/stare at the girl. It's like: 'here is the meat beta, you like?'. I wish families would stop doing that, as it is really uncomfortable for the girl too. And how must her father, uncle, brother feel that their daughter is being stared at, by some stranger they may never see again? I agree they both should see one another before a possible engagement, but I wouldn't want all this happening within the confines of the home on the first visit. I would say that after the families have met a few times and are wanting to proceed with the rishta, they should then allow the girl and the boy to talk. Oh, and a mehram accompanying the girl is also a must. - Not the Dad, because that would be so awkward.
I would like to see another trend , instead of marrying off the girl to a boy, a boy is married off to a girl and the boy is rukhsatified . The boys side sings sad songs and all.
That would be real change IMO. No ?
. Now WHY is this weird but the guys coming to see the girls is not?!
Larke walon ko waky bohat sar pe charhaya hota hai!
it might still take decades for the trend to change - but instead of making either party the show piece for the other…it would be nice to have a casual get together of the families before getting the potential larka larki in the picture IMO
