Why is it considered unIslamic if you don't want to get married (again)?

Society Religion & Philosophy
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(I’m not sure if this is supposed to be in this section of Society)

I’m divorced after many problems and 9 years and some months. Since the ending of 2004, beginning of 2005 I’m a divorcee.

My parents, especially my Dad, said I’m not allowed to marry someone before my children are grown up. I think that should be my own choice, not the choice of my parents!

But what also bothers me (and even more) about this is that everyone says I shouldn’t always be alone and one day ‘must remarry’. I have an Aunt in England, my Dad’s sister, she is a widow and never remarried. Nobody considers it a problem in her case, because she’s a widow. I don’t understand that! Why is a widow allowed to remain single for the rest of her life and why is it considered a problem if a divorcee doesn’t want to marry again?

I’m fine the way I am. I’ve discovered that I’m satisfied and even becoming happy, when my children are ok and when I can do something I find very interesting and nice. I love to read for example, and learn all kinds of new things. That makes me feel alive. I can spend entire days just reading all sorts of things, there is so much to read and to know and I don’t have enough time, I get tired, I have to sleep, or I have to do something else, but at the same time, I want to keep reading, I’m curious to know the rest of whatever I’m reading and it makes me happy to indulge in different sorts of books and writings. There is nothing that gives me the same happiness.

Is it really considered haram to be alone? In my case, I’m not doing anything wrong, why do other Paki’s think it’s bad if a divorcee never remarries? Marriage would probably be only troublesome again and I wouldn’t be able to read and learn as much as I am now. I just want to enjoy life with my children without having big problems.

Can anyone give me any real Islamic proof that states that it really is haram in Islam if a divorcee never marries again? Sure, men and women were made for each other, but isn’t it also the case, that nobody should be forced, so if someone doesn’t want to get (re)married, isn’t telling that person that one day she should and must, even more haram? I’ve never read anywhere that remaining a divorcee for the rest of your life is haram. Where is the Islamic proof, is there is any?

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Re: Why is it considered unIslamic if you don't want to get married (again)?

It is not haraam to not marry, but the Prophet said that someone who doesn't marry doesn't belong to his Ummat. I guess this is meant for those who never want to marry. I think your case is different as you were married and you have gone thru this procedure and now that you are mature you can decide for yourself what to do!

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Re: Why is it considered unIslamic if you don't want to get married (again)?

So it's just a hadith and once again quoted wrongly by some family members. I knew it, this was another cultural thing they want to sell as "something that has to be done according to Islam", I wish people would stop telling someone to do something ''because it has be done according to Islam", while it's only because of the family culture they want that.

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Do u have the source for hadith u quoted ? i dunt think its wajib in islam to get married. If the Hadith u posted is true then it basically means it is must to marry in islam!

If by not marrying we r not in Prophet s.a.w ummat then we r not from ummat-e-muslima and if we rnt from ummat muslima then we rnt muslim..... How can something make u a non muslim and yet be halal ? there is something wrong somewhere !

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Re: Why is it considered unIslamic if you don’t want to get married (again)?

notorious whoever told you that it is HARAM to stay a divorcee or to nvr marry gave you the wrong info. (sorry I do not have a source for this but perhaps I or someone more well read can quote it for you.)

it is however the sunnah to do so and is recommended.

It is your life and your choice to (re)marry. You tried it their (society and cultures way) way and it didnt work out for you…it’s time for you try things your way. :k:

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Re: Why is it considered unIslamic if you don’t want to get married (again)?

Argh! :mad:

I hate the whole ‘marriage solves everything in the whole world’ line! :mad:

As for the ‘why do other Paki’s think it’s bad if a divorcee never remarries?’

The Pakistan people who do think this, think that marrige brings respect. Apparently, being a human alone is not considered respect worthy. Single, unmarried people (please note, I only mean women, but im being politically correct so as not to ‘upset’ people! :mad: ) mean NOTHING! One of my aunts once said to me ‘you are nothing until you get married’ I love her!

:mad:

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Re: Why is it considered unIslamic if you don't want to get married (again)?

There are more than a few of our greatest scholars of Islam from over the years who never married

[quote]

I've never read anywhere that remaining a divorcee for the rest of your life is haram. Where is the Islamic proof, is there is any?

[/quote]

There isnt any! Its not your job to prove that it isnt haraam. Whoever tells you that its haraam, its THEIR responsibility to bring evidence to prove what they are saying.* So unless you bring it, dont worry about what they are saying!

*Except for matters of worship, for matters of worship the burden of proof is on the one who says something is allowed. For everything other ibadah, the burden of proof is on the one who says it is not allowed

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You know what, if ever I would find someone trustable and someone about whom I can be sure he wouldn't treat me nasty, I would choose a husband younger than me.

A younger husband would be kind towards me, never beat my face or whatever part of my body, never accuse me of things I didn't even do, etc. If everyone keeps harassing me just because I'm a divorcee, I'm going to marry someone younger. I don't care how many years younger he is.

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Re: Why is it considered unIslamic if you don't want to get married (again)?

marry whoever you want to marry

don't marry if you don't feel like it, grow old and become a *tante
*
you choose your own path in life - the only person holding you back is yourself, do not make problems harder than they are - do what you want - its your life and your daddy dear does not own it

as far as the whole divorcee thing goes - according to Islam you have more right than any unmarried girl to choose whatsoever or whomsoever you want

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How is that?

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Re: Why is it considered unIslamic if you don't want to get married (again)?

Marriage is sunnat, all but only two messengers (Yahya and Jesus) did not marry, so that shows that although its sunna, its not a gunaah if you dont follow that.

Sex is our biological need and as Islam does not allow sex outside marrriage, that is why marriage is recommended, but its not that if you dont marry, its against Islam

Wht r u doing ?
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Re: Why is it considered unIslamic if you don’t want to get married (again)?

Peace notorious

For how long one should wait before re-marriage please go here:
Iddat

It has nothing to do with the age of your children. Rather a growing family are better off with a father figure in the house, so personal advice is to re-marry sooner rather than later.

The option to re-marry is just as open as it was the first time round. Understand this though, that since your divorce your religious guardian status has returned to your father.

Your children remain the Islamic responsibility of both parents, i.e. you and your ex-husband. This will alter slightly when or if a step-father comes into the picture.

There is a hadith that recommends marriage and it states that marriage is half of the religion. In my understanding it does not make Islam easier, rather it makes it more difficult and demands patience and understanding to be actively driving the relationship.

By practicing these virtuous behaviours it makes a person better. So this is one reason why divorce is actually discouraged that if people don’t make an effort to make it work then they have already given up. So if you consider another marriage do so on this basis that you intend to make it last this time, which should mean you find a man that you can respect and follow and he must be able to respect you and take your advice. Otherwise staying as you are might be better.

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Re: Why is it considered unIslamic if you don't want to get married (again)?

It's really your choice at the end of the day. People are ignorant so take what they say lightly. Stay firm on your beliefs, get information from the right sources.

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Re: Why is it considered unIslamic if you don't want to get married (again)?

^ Peace Sister Niksik

The choice is indeed hers, but to say people are ignorant and to disregard what they are saying is not helpful nor is it insightful.

A person in her position is most likely going to be very cautious of another marriage, and hence very cautious about men. That may not be a healthy situation to be in. The people around her know her more than us, and as long as they can provide a good reason for her to re-marry she should not take it lightly, but give it lots of consideration, because that consideration will mean that she will be looking beyond her own feelings on this matter and make a truly balanced judgement.

Sometimes some ignorant people repeat wisdoms of the past without knowing the true purpose. I see that our current lives in the liberated west has given us independence and hence tells us to take everyone lightly, but I feel that we are all connected and independence is a joke or a lie. The sweet words we offer to please one another may be toxic and yet the bitter things may be a life line.

Especially when there are others like children to consider ...

The choice is hers, but make this choice on good sound judgement not on ones own sense of "its my life" because with kids its a bit more complicated than that.

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**Here is excerpt from Rabia Basri’s (RE) Life …a Saint Lady who never Married!

**Throughout her life, her Love of God, poverty and self-denial did not waver. They were her constant companions. She did not possess much other than a broken jug, a rush mat and a brick, which she used as a pillow. She spent all night in prayer and contemplation, chiding herself if she slept because it took her away from her active Love of God.
As her fame grew she had many disciples. She also had discussions with many of the renowned religious people of her time. Though she had many offers of marriage, and (tradition has it) one even from the Amir of Basra, she refused them as she had no time in her life for anything other than God.
More interesting than her absolute asceticism, however, is the actual concept of Divine Love that Rabia introduced. She was the first to introduce the idea that God should be loved for God’s own sake, not out of fear – as earlier Sufis had done.
She taught that repentance was a gift from God because no one could repent unless God had already accepted him and given him this gift of repentance. She taught that sinners must fear the punishment they deserved for their sins, but she also offered such sinners far more hope of Paradise than most other ascetics did. For herself, she held to a higher ideal, worshipping God neither from fear of Hell nor from hope of Paradise, for she saw such self-interest as unworthy of God’s servants; emotions like fear and hope were like veils – i.e. hindrances to the vision of God Himself.
She prayed: "O Allah! If I worship You for fear of Hell, burn me in Hell,
and if I worship You in hope of Paradise, exclude me from Paradise.
But if I worship You for Your Own sake,
grudge me not Your everlasting Beauty.”

Check for yourself in Wikipedia…

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Hadeeth states that marriage completes one-half of a person's deen.

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Re: Why is it considered unIslamic if you don't want to get married (again)?

you are allowed to remarry . its recommended that you remarry. its your RIGHT.

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Re: Why is it considered unIslamic if you don't want to get married (again)?

It is not FARAZ to marry but an important sunnah. It is not gunnah if you decide to stay single as long as you can control your sexual urges and not commit zina.

Also, in the case of woman, she becomes an easy target to be exploited in a wrong way in society.

RC

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That is why I said to get information from the right sources. Some people just give advice without valid references, in fact many of us do that, which will not help her making a decision on sound religious grounds. That's what I meant.

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Instead of discussing it here, shouldn't she be consulting with an Alim or Mufti for that, if she was really interested in finding the truth based on sound religious grounds?.

Look, we all know she is just venting, she needs to read/hear what she wants to read/hear.

RC