Whenever hubby is low or upset about something, be it work, a friend or even his own family, I never give up on him. I make sure I comfort him even though he gets really rude at times. On the other hand if I am low he’d ask me a couple of times and if I dont tell him the reason which is usually his annoying family most of the times, he’d just stop talking to me. Usually what happens is I ignore how he just leaves me to deal with whatever is upsetting me alone and be normal again. This time I just dont want to makeup. Hello it was me who was upset. How is he so indifferent. He just doesn’t care. How do I stay strong and not talk to hin until he realises what he does.
Re: Why is he so indifferent?
how about you tell him the reason within the first three times that he asks? Instead of waiting for him to ask 5 additional times? 
Re: Why is he so indifferent?
he asked you. you stonewalled. your fault.
Re: Why is he so indifferent?
You know why I cant tell him why Iwas upset because it was about his family. He admits his parents are very controlling. He often complains about them but if I do the same he tells me I am negative. And sometimes he even threatens me that he'd go and tell his parents what I said.
Re: Why is he so indifferent?
If I tell him something regarding his family its because I want a listener not that I want him to go and fight with them. And he neverrrrrrr tells me what's causing him to be low. I have to wait for days and pamper the king to get it out. Why can't he keep same standards for himself and me?
Why is he so indifferent?
Rules of Engagement 101: he can complain about his family..you cannot. He's already acknowledged that they can be difficult, so why do you need to beat him over the head with it? What do you expect him to do? Tumharay haan me haan milakay bad moth his own parents? Not going to happen. Instead pouting and cutting off all communication with him, try to find a constructive way to get your point across without starting a Cold War.
Re: Why is he so indifferent?
No chic I don't want him to say stuff about his own parents. But at least he can just listen and be supportive as in if I am low he should not choose to be angry at that very same time. And him threatening me abt telling his parents? Is that noy childish. I have no social life of my own in pak. Who do I share my frustrations with?
Re: Why is he so indifferent?
My wife is the same way your husband is....cant do much about it....I m usually the one giving up on being quiet and making up regardless whose fault it is.....
Re: Why is he so indifferent?
And him threatening me abt telling his parents? Is that noy childish.
And how mature is it for YOU to be scared of this threat? Why are you so scared like a little child. What will his parents do you if he tells them what you said? Are they going to beat you? Kill you?
I have no social life of my own in pak. Who do I share my frustrations with?
Well you obviously have access to the internet. Why can't you chat or talk to your friends from back home online? Better yet....what are you doing to try to make new friends in Pak?
I have to wait for days and pamper the king to get it out
No....you don't "have" to do anything. If you CHOOSE to pamper him for days....that's your decision. Don't complain about it. If you'd rather not do it....then stop asking him over and over again what's wrong. Ask him 1 or twice....after that leave him alone.
Re: Why is he so indifferent?
Best approach towards in-law problems is ignore, and I've now learnt this the hard way. No self respecting man is going to listen to ill about his family.
At the same time, neither should you.
But the relationship you have with him is between the two of you, not with the rest of the family, so YOU should focus on the two of YOU - being in love, being romantic with him, doing nice things for him, and most of all, just spending time with him. You do not need to make him bon bons every day, just try to do things together and talk about random stuff like you would talk to a friend.
And if the family bothers you, in one ear and out the other, pretend it never happened.
...
Re: Why is he so indifferent?
I think khatti is right ^
Please stop expecting him to listen to stuff about his family. He knows what you're telling him.
For your frustrations...start writing a blog. A journal. Make some friends. Call your family.
Re: Why is he so indifferent?
Best approach towards in-law problems is ignore, and I've now learnt this the hard way. No self respecting man is going to listen to ill about his family.
At the same time, neither should you.
But the relationship you have with him is between the two of you, not with the rest of the family, so YOU should focus on the two of YOU - being in love, being romantic with him, doing nice things for him, and most of all, just spending time with him. You do not need to make him bon bons every day, just try to do things together and talk about random stuff like you would talk to a friend.
And if the family bothers you, in one ear and out the other, pretend it never happened.
Thumbs up to everything you said; but the problem is, it's much easier said than done.
Ignoring the first few times is managable, but when it occurs over a period of time, fustration builds and hence the need to vent. I agree with the majority of posters here though...venting TO the husband is just not going to cut it. OP, you're probably more likely to be 'heard' or supported from family members or friends. If all you want is to be listened-to, start making new friends. Building a social circle will also help keep your mind away from your troubles.
Re: Why is he so indifferent?
If I tell him something regarding his family its because I want a listener not that I want him to go and fight with them. And he neverrrrrrr tells me what's causing him to be low. I have to wait for days and pamper the king to get it out. Why can't he keep same standards for himself and me?
If you want someone to listen to you, then talk to friends and family. I feel weird telling nyone and I do note ant to stress them out… so I have started blogging. It helps a lot. It gets the frustration out and you can just move on.
However, if you really want to share something with hubby, then keep feelings and negativity out of it. Say everything in a very objective manner. Even if something is bothering me, I tell hubby with a smile on my face now… and I only tell him the facts. I may add "it bothered me a little but after talking to you, I feel much better."
IMO, men are natural fixers and women are talkers. Women feel better by talking about it but men tend to fix the problem. Thus, he wants to tell his parents. My hubby always tell me, "I will talk to them." However, I ask him nicely not to. If he insists, I tell him that it will create conflict for no reason but its unto him.
Perhaps, you can try to find another way to let it out w/o effecting ur relationship. I would constantly fight with him before but I find these few changes are helping me and our relationship a lot.
Thumbs up to everything you said; but the problem is, it's much easier said than done.
Ignoring the first few times is managable, but when it occurs over a period of time, fustration builds and hence the need to vent. I agree with the majority of posters here though...venting TO the husband is just not going to cut it. OP, you're probably more likely to be 'heard' or supported from family members or friends. If all you want is to be listened-to, start making new friends. Building a social circle will also help keep your mind away from your troubles.
I agree 100%.. However, if you share with people you know, please be careful. Makesure you can trust them.
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Mizsani atleast you live alone now. I have to stand them and their behaviour 24/7. You know what the worst part is they'd go on abd on about how nice they are as inlaws and hoe bad their daughter's inlaws are when in reality the daughters dont even live with inlaws. Why I cant share with my friends is because they re not married. They just wont understand. Ughh okay what should I do when I am upset with something they do or say. My husband can read my expressionns in seconds. Then no matter how much I tell him I am okay he wouldn't buy it and if I tell him the actual thing that's going to be another issue.
Why is he so indifferent?
Maybe it'll help you to just tell him it had to with the usual and I'm just upset. I don't want to get you bothered either just help me get my mind off. Go for a drive, go for ice cream, anything to help you get your minds off the negativity. If he sees your trying to get over it knowing it had to with his parents then he will appreciate you better instead of getting mad.
PCG I couldn't have agreed more! That is the best advice for this forum.
Re: Why is he so indifferent?
That's the problem. Before I actually got married to him I haad the same thoughts as in the relationship is between the two if us. But NO once I entered this house iit seems more like I an married to his family. They expect sooooo much out of me. Hubby and I can hardly go out alone and yes its all his fault he never stood up for me. I am expected towork for and tc of all the dawats while his mom and sister watch tv or rest all day long until the guests arrive. I have to sit with his mom most of the time and give her company. What can I do when he doesn't feel the need of spending time with me :(.
Re: Why is he so indifferent?
Its an effort being a Desi woman , isn't it .
Re: Why is he so indifferent?
Welcome to "Fundamental Differences Between Men and Women: 101"
Re: Why is he so indifferent?
That's the problem. Before I actually got married to him I haad the same thoughts as in the relationship is between the two if us. But NO once I entered this house iit seems more like I an married to his family. They expect sooooo much out of me. Hubby and I can hardly go out alone and yes its all his fault he never stood up for me. I am expected towork for and tc of all the dawats while his mom and sister watch tv or rest all day long until the guests arrive. I have to sit with his mom most of the time and give her company. What can I do when he doesn't feel the need of spending time with me :(.
I'd caution you to tell friends. Friends are to keep you company while you watch a movie or swap recipes with, not to disclose personal problems to regarding relationships, children an work. There are some things that are private, and can get misused if you trust others with your personal info.
So no do not ***** about your husband to friends. If he did that to you, I'm sure that would create another fight and on desi circles things have a way of getting around. Can't tell you how easily I could use info on some of my divulging friends to ruin their marriages!
It's definitely difficult for me to tolerate your situation with the advice I gave.
So I'll tell you what I would do but that might not work for you, in fact as long as you have in laws like the typical desis you describe then only God can help you. Big reason why I stayed away from most desi families - I did not want to be cleaning up after dawats every week for my in laws.
They want to hold a dawat, make it clear to them you have other stuff to do and will not have time to clean up after their dawat. That if you actually have other things to do. Otherwise If I had nothing to do I'd help but I would not be ok if everyone just sat there. First I'd ask husband to help me tie up the garbage bags. Then I'd ask his siblings by addressing them directly - pinky, aap yeh plates kachray mein pekh sakti hain? Shaahbash phir aap apni music videos baad mein dekh Le na.
If the family goes into an uproar into this I'd let them know that I'm surprised at their attitude of not wishing to help and that next time they can show me how theyd like me to handle a clean up by demonstrating a clean up themselves and then at that point I would refuse to help clean up dawats that are arranged by other people. That's in a situation where I would have zero husband support.